A Day Dreamer's Final Fantasy: Sky Fall
by dirufanforever
Summary: An author who's day dream led her into writing a story for a country struck by tragedy inspired by a band that new no bounds love around the world. Together they swept the world by story in such epic revolutionary tale;An impossible fantasy love between them bloomed between an idol and its fan. But is it possible two love two different sides of a single person? Dir en grey Fan Fic.
1. Episode 1: Introductions

Episode #1: Introductions

It's been awhile since I've met him, that man, who would soon change my life complete forever in ways I never thought anyone could. Especially with him living so far away from me across the ocean of the pacific yet he did unknowingly like most artists with their numerous fans trailing after them. I was seventeen was my first live the experience me made me believe that the impossible could come true but in reality it was went I turned eighteen when I met him again and shook hands while looking into that mysterious man's eyes. Those unmistakable dark pooled eyes that could see thru my soul as if I stood there suspended in time floating in the darkness being caressed gently while have him devouring every single thing that I held within my body and mind that night. Now I'm twenty-four years old and yet the impact left from him still imprints my very being and I became transfixed in meeting him once more; to thank him for being my source of strength and inspiration for a project that I've been working merciless on for years despite some doubts.

But before that changed ever took place on the unforgettable night at that concert. It began during March 11th, 2011; the very day that struck the country of Japan into un-forgetful tragedy. Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant Crisis became one of the worst nuclear accidents in history. It was also the largest earthquake to strike Japan at the magnitude of 9.0. Images I saw on my television set that morning at five o'clock left me utterly shattered. I didn't know what to do or say but it kept buggy me that country I loved so much like a homeland was in a stay like this. Then suddenly my favorite vocalist and his band step courageously forward from the dark into the light to say their opinions. Scream for the truth. Something they have been doing for sixteen years at that place in time. They didn't seem to fear what the government could plague against them an underground rock band that made head way across the world.

It was then set out towards writing two book series called Scream for Truth: Beyond the Blackened Sun in support of the band's campaign. It all came to me after the Dir en grey concert I attended two years ago on December 5, 2011 it was upon meeting that very special man that it all came to me. It occurred to me also through the music inspired by them I shall come up with a tale, a new revelation in my writer's dream world. It was to be one of the most drastic writing pieces I was to ever write in my life time filled with rawest of emotions felt and to be felt.

It's hard to imagine that all my daydreaming has led me here to such a foreign somehow it still feels like home to me strangely enough.

It's funny to think that it first it started out with manga, anime, the country's culture, then followed by its music-music is what changed my entire life around. Dir en grey became a major influence in my life and was about to even more. Niimura Kyo-san is who changed it most of all. He was there when no one was there to bring the calmness of the pain I suffered only his emotional singing could put me to sleep as I dried away countless tears. Only he could understand the pain of a misfit girl. I'm sure many other Kyo fans felt the same as me.

So it began that way a meeting, impacting my soul filling it with a special kind of warmth of that cold December night. To having me striving to preserve it in a mind who easily erases memories; so I decided to write a song to cherish that moment in honor of those pain filled nights that I would listen to his voice; eventually to the books I mentioned earlier with more words then you could try to count without looking down at the bottom of your computer screen. And yes all the while I had my countless doubts running in my mind at and first if the members would even at all like it; if my own people who except such a massive project, or even the very Japanese. Despite the pressures of doing such a thing without knowing for sure if it would be excepted by a publishing company or if my parents would bother to understand me enough to spend countless hours in trying to finish it while being in college at the same time!

But I kept pushing towards this despite the lurking shadows knowing that it would be all for nothing in helping the people of Japan for the sake of meeting him again. I would do anything in my power for it; even if this hopeless love that I was feeding with mere fantasies between him and I it didn't matter to me because it was him and inspiring form that kept me going. This never unwilling flower of stubbornness and ambition. But eventually I knew like all dreams of fantasies they would come to an end like scattered petals of cherry blossom carried on by the Indian summer breeze. And where ever took the petals I would soon follow it again feeling more empty then before yet somehow satisfied.

But for now the spring filled wind was sending me across the waters of the Pacific Ocean towards the land that I loved oh so very much, Japan. In the land of the raising of sun, I was to make this dream I've dreamt for so long unto reality! It's been hours that I sat on this plan, making my way of the maze of the airport and making my way to Tokyo by the means of high speed rail train. The pressures that I've kept at bay slowly began to unravel like dripping blood. It was already a miracle that many publishing offices wanted to take up my story in support of my efforts. My parents eventually came to terms with me after I graduated from a university with a bachelor's degree and worked long and hard for myself all the while writing. All that was left now was to finally confront Dir en grey to see if they liked the story I had crafted under many years of mental intensive work. The head quarters of dir en grey's management is where we would meeting again; I decided to pass it before heading to my hotel. I stared at it for awhile feeling anxious just like in the same fashion before Dir en grey lives that I would try attend as much as I could while working back at home in Dallas, Texas.

So after taking a breather as I could before finally facing away toward reaching my hotel and put on whatever was felt was comfortable I didn't think of wearing business attire after all they were just human with an amazing talent plus I would feel so out of place in it; I felt I looked horrible in that kind of attire especially with such a sickly fragile frame. Yet I knew I should for the sake of business regarding the publication of the book with their names inside it.

So once again there I stood in front of the building wearing black jeans, purple and DC* shoes, black and purple long sleeve from Sex Pot Revenge with a grey scarf wrapped around my neck and beanie over my head. Fuck, I have to go back I'll look silly if I walked in there claiming to be a professional writer in this get up! So I came back with an overalls strapped with three gold buttons going down on the pleated skirt in burgundy. With white a three fourths cut sleeved collar with matching ribbon tied tire. My hands where sweaty that I brushed them off my skirt and I was really tiring not wipe off my minimalist makeup with my nervous frustrating tears. But nevertheless went ahead inside by the sheer force of pride in my work and that I simply couldn't be rude and not show up on this important day! So with the only things I had which were my publisher paper work, copyrights forms, and nothing more but my laptop and the unfinished in a way printed copies of the first book. There as I walked down the halls guided by personnel, I felt myself feeling like so much like my created character Kurosaki Minami. Then female personnel kindly led me to a room where I was to talk to the members about the idea which the management seemed very excited about and thought of it as being innovative and promising.

So there was I left alone for awhile, to settle myself down with my stuff and to drinking nervously before they came in. Suddenly I felt this strange feeling like when my ex. used to come and visit me at my home; it would start by running up and down my spine followed by my heart muscles tightened painfully in chest that I could barely managed to breath properly and the incontrollable shaking on my hands and impaired speech. I really wish I could run out of the room and hid somewhere this constant pestering nervous tension was too much for this pathetic body of my mine! But as I quickly drinking a bottle of water placed for me to quench the bitter iron taste that suddenly filled my mouth the door swung open quietly and all of them came in one by one starting Kaoru, Shinya, Toshiya, Die, and finally Kyo, bowing courteously toward me. I practically almost choked at their sudden presence that almost made my heart stop at already accumulated pressure inside of me. Yet I did nothing, not even once moved my body to run pass them and possible lock myself in a restroom, I simply just set the water bottle down and let them come in. All of them dressed normally almost for a live but that was something they been doing for awhile straying away from the visual kei main stream they once were a part of. There I stood trying to hide my surprised stare at the non knocked entry. I hated when I was so nervous I couldn't think properly, eat, or even breathe. I tried my best into stop thinking how nervous I was and tried to take in the surroundings before I stared to thinking about fainting in front of them at the high levels of stress straining my body more with each passing second. All of them remained standing, Kaoru being the closest to my right- then down the line in a curve toward the left and in the middle of the room facing directly at me was Kyo-san.

My heart skipped at the instant site of this man, who changed me more than a number of times that I could count. His gaze was fixed on something other than me which I knew very well he would do after watching so many backstage footage and interviews. Yet I clenched my teeth together barely missing my tongue-the thought of my iron tasting blood gushing from what could have been a possible wound increased my thirst for water, pushing my thoughts into a blank slate and walked away from the desk to stand in front of each one of them. I stood unknowingly firm and spoke in a voice I don't recall how I sounded to say what brought me to them as I walked I knew my legs where shaking so badly it was miracle I didn't stubble into them. Yet thoughts at the back of mind kept coming-doubts the ever so increasing doubts.

Kyoko: (My tone of voice unknown. My throat dry as fuck even if I drunk half the damn bottle.) I hope I don't pee on myself; for it was body reflex to shake terribly when nervous.) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5- and start, "Who man I am?" You're wondering it been awhile since we all last met but I was once of the many fans who went to your lives in America. And when the translator told us to ask a question we wanted to know the answer too. I asked you all I was going to write a book for your campaign. As stupid as it sounds for those who aren't day dreamers or believe in any kind of dream for that matter- I finished what I promised to myself…And your reply came from Kaoru-san after the silence amongst you that it would be something to looking forward to but I doubt that you would even care for such a thing. But even so I continued to work on the book all through my college years because it was really something I wanted to do as repayment to your support fully enriching music and to the people of Japan. Well let me tell you what- (Placing five copies of the book before them) - this is what I came up with inspired by you all and other sources. It's fictional but it does retain some form of reality to it. (Nervously licking my lips and staring at the ground after starting at their range of expressions.)

Kaoru: (picks up the copy in front of him) It's both in English and Japanese.

Kyoko: I went to creative writing course in college as well to help with the writer's block so if the attention is high enough and movie producer is interested in creating a movie based on the book series is something I can also be of use as well.

Shinya: Amazing that you came up with such a length for our campaign? A mixture of fiction or non-fictional?

Kyoko: I consider it as sci-fiction or supernatural. I'm not that all really sure…

Toshiya: Wait a second these cover suggestions look familiar! (Looks at the summary and points at the cover art.)

Die: Sugoi, your right there's the cover art for the Uroboros DVD.

Kyo: ... (Looks at Book 2) The titles are names after our A[knot] Tour and tour concept in 011'.

Kyoko: My author pen name is Murakami Kyoko but my real name Rogers Banesa, Banesa is just fine; I sort of dislike my last name though you can use the my author pen name at best.

Shinya: Would you like read to us the first couple of chapters?

Die: A professional author like your self should be able to read the story without hesitation. Plus I think their more surprises hiding in the beautiful melodic voice of yours.

Kyoko: (smiles genuinely) (I was quite unsure how to take the comment from Die-san but it was now or never that I was going to find out if they were going to like it or not.) And this the tale I spun for you all that shall haunt your dreams if you let it maybe even more so now that the one so skillfully crafted in twisting such sense is seated right here amongst us. (Hinting toward Kyo whom I didn't turn to face just yet and I begun to read the first couple of chapters until the manager interrupt me from continuing any further.)

Manager: That is an absolutely amazing story you have their dear young lady, to make such an epic modern adventure at such a young age is something that not everyone is capable of! I see you also stroke some interest here amongst the members and staff alike. (With the same lady personnel as before entered unexpectedly towards Kyo's left hand side.)

Lady: Hai. (Nodded in agreement with the manger and courteously smiling while picking up Kyo's untouched copy and flipping through the text.)

Kyoko: If they're willing to be more interactive in the story… such as dialogue rewrites and copy right permission of their names given partial credit to the band of course. Well I hope that most of portion of the money will go to the affected.

Manager: Well of course, if the members all agree?

Kaoru: Count me in it's seems like something worthwhile doing it together as band but as citizens of this country.

Shinya: It's for the people more than anything but I hear the reminiscing essence of our band's concrete ideal in it so I'm willing plus I find it every entertaining as a story all on its own.

Toshiya: Towards being best seller! (And he raises his copy above his head and laughed.)

Die: For a beautiful girl with such an amazing talent for writing…I do anything for one such a woman. Who also turns out to be a rebel just like the rest of us!

Kyo: [...] _such_ an ambition from someone such as you. You're not what you seemed to be from at a glance, though I can't remember your face since the years have gone by so quickly but your effort in putting a piece of our souls while not having us nearby is no simple feat. Plus I see a little bit of reminiscence me in you.

Manager: Well it settled then, we can commence this next project as a whole new chapter for Dir en grey! But for now you miss must get ready to leave for tonight we head to Osaka-Jo Hall. And I hope you're ready for hard work in the months ahead….touring can be very tiring for someone who isn't used to it.

Kyoko: ^^; is nothing that I can't handle I'm sure of it…(If only they know I'm lying straight through my teeth!)

And with that the members began to leave after signing their names on the contract and bowed once more in their departures. Kyo being first to leave and so on yet held his gaze at me for a little longer then need and left. Yet I can't help but wonder what was that flicker in his blackened brown eyes mean?


	2. Episode 2: A New Beginning

Episode #2: A new beginning; Dir en grey origins: Osaka-jo Hall!

As I went to my hotel room in Tokyo everything that been happened in between their departure until I got to there…felt so much like a dream, endless emotional stirring dream. Nothing to extravagant was the place I was staying at just a simple one bed room with a great view of Tokyo skyline but I couldn't help but remember the members' expressions about those carefully selected words so long ago that I Had read to them. Kyo's eye once more looking down on me…even he didn't mean to do it. I couldn't help remember those judging eyes that people held against me as a child and as I grew up. He'll never-do such a thing such as falling in love with foreigner. I close my eyes as I faced the window reflective surface of the glass plane and crunched my fists together until my hands turned briskly white. So close to this dream yet it still isn't in my hands…dreams are something that can't held by clasping hands. It will slowly fade away like the memories I can longer remember…into a nightmare that I can never over come shall once more consume me. I felt my emotions boiling up inside me again. Pulling away from the window I looked at the clothes in my suitcase not at all satisfied spread out on the bed before me.

Osaka is hot is kind of place, bustling with fast moving people, who love food more than any other city in Japan. I hate really hot sunny places-but at least it wasn't tropical Okinawa, then my skin would turn even browner! But Osaka still has too many people like elsewhere cities in Japan but the good thing is I could check out the places I mentioned in the story that I wrote about Osaka. Like takoyaki, the fair's wheel, the birthplace of ramen, coastal areas leading towards Koichi, not to mention it being the second largest city in all of Japan. One thing was for certain that I was taking my camera for sure; I'll put the photos I take transportable billboard wall that I've started to plan out in my head. Maybe dune buggies ride? I've always wanted to do some extreme cart'n! No I don't think I'll have time for that…damn. But it would fun to see the guys playing around like they used to but those days are long gone. After finishing everything necessary for my departure I felt it was not healthy for me to stay inside.

Frustrated at my nervousness I decided to walk the streets of Tokyo and take some snaps to distract me. I felt odd walking amongst so many Japanese; everyone else had fair white porcelain skin and straight black hair unless they were in the whole fashion movement of gyaru or b-style. But it didn't matter because I was here on a mission to finish the gift I plan to give to Dir en Grey, Japan and the world who inspired me such goals and dreams. Well also because Kyo is Japanese born Kyoto native and he doesn't like being amongst his own people. But then again I was the same way with my home country.

I walked by many top brands on shops flooded with countless young people; Shibuya 109,Shibuya 109 Men, Ginza, Harajuku, Shinjuku, Marui One. I found myself taking lots of pictures walking up and down the hills cutting into downtown Tokyo. Like the one I've often post on my tumblr. Let my emotions get blurred by these fast moving images against the camera lens. Then I stopped to a male clothing shop inside Shibuya 109 Men. I thought about it for a moment for too-for all I could see were young men flocking to and fro. Should I get an outfit to blend in with the band? After all it's not too hard for me to be a guy for me after all…I was an average body type; not much cleavage at all practically flat chested and as for an ass I rather not even mention it existing but I did have an extremely flat stomach and hips that most girls would want. I ended up buying some really cool scrappy jeans which were a faded black, belt with belt buckle of the Aztec calendar, military combat boots, jean chains which was thicker like a dog's restraining collar, gladiator sun glasses that I've seen many rock stars wearing lately, leather shirt with a high collar and cuffs that covered my hands very similar to Kyo's as well as Die's jacket. Very dir en grey-urban goth styled look such a fan I laughed at the consciousness of the fact.

Before I knew I found myself walking through Tokyo's streets late night; time just flew by and thoughts just kept going back to Kyo and his expression like the train that encircle themselves on their circular track. His expression is something I could never really understand so clearly just kept drawing me further into the darkness of his pupils. Ah yes which reminds me Osaka is part of the Kansai district. Kyo speaks sometimes in kansai when referring to his inner self, along with Shinya; Die-san also born in Mie Prefecture speaks Kansai. Maybe this is a good time to learn.

I found myself hunger less even if it was dinner- so I stopped to the many food stalls in Tokyo-sushi was a simple choice but then again there was miso ramen. Too nervous I suppose, sigh, this always happen when Dir en Grey was staying in the very city as me. It happened countless times when they came to perform. I knew that I wouldn't be eating well for a little while until I get accustomed to the feeling of being here in Japan and so far away from home. The home I left to peruse this dream-once more the thoughts of doubt plagued me. Better go back to the hotel, I thought after finishing a quite tasteless yet cheap meal but the good thing about this not being my home is I could carelessly walk about the streets. But nonetheless I went straight to my hotel to check in for the night. Quickly packing my things neatly toward the door so when I woke up to catch the train departing for Osaka; I didn't have to run around the room like a headless chicken which my mom always referred me to when I was getting myself ready.

Soon I was lying in bed with the sheet all the way pulled up to under my chin whispering thoughts came in like smooth richness of Kyo's voice: _What will happen in Osaka_? Is something I truly didn't know? _Are you ready to face the challenges that your new self imposes on your former self_? That I didn't know how I would handle myself either if the situations came up. But whatever happened happens and I'll try my best to continue to move forward toward this dream. And I closed my tired eyes and fell asleep.

I was in Osaka early after taking the 7'o clock train. There was one of the staff members waiting for with Shinya standing next to the personnel, who happened to be female again, she looked at me curiously; I guess because of my attire I usually got those looks from my parents who half the time didn't like the way I dressed.

Shinya: The others have yet to come…

Kyoko: Everyone has different pace in doing things.

Lady: There not exactly on tour just yet. But they have interviews. It seems your online version of your story has gotten a lot of fame already. Rumors have it to where it shall be film adaptation. What do you think of that?

Kyoko: Nothing much I didn't expect nothing less… I had lots of comments of it before.

Don't know any movie producers. But I hope the creators of final fantasy will be willing to help me bring this story to life…I don't trust directors who sometimes take a story for their own personal gains.

Shinya: Why is that?

Kyoko: Because there is no human that comes close in representing yourselves then yourself. Plus you guys can interact a lot more by voice acting and moving in the movie as yourself with a computer generated characters based off your own physic.

Shinya: I see more of us to make it seem more a part of our own campaign.

Lady: You've had a lot of time to think of this.

Kyoko: Time more or less yes-studying for college doesn't always work with you most of the time against you.

Shinya: So what did you study for in college?

Kyoko: East Asian studies to teaching English here in Japan…I changed my mind and became a travel agent instead. But I wanted to accomplish this first.

Shinya: Is there a deeper reason to that?

Kyoko: I've always wanted to help people because I didn't live a neighborhood that you consider pleasant but I managed to live my life somehow in one piece plus there is someone I really wanted to help. A mentor… an- the last time I attempted to do such a thing it back fired horrible it's a miracle I'm still alive to say it…

Shinya: (nods)

Kyo: If the person doesn't care. The person isn't worth living for now is it? People don't change for others they only change for themselves.

Kyoko: o; (Ah~! Kyo got here so quickly and softly it startled me!)...yeah...I-I suppose your right only one with experience in that would know how well…the meaning of those words. (Now I have to think of something to do to calm this rapid beating heart of mine at the excitement of his arrival.)

Die: Mor!- is that you Murakami-san?

Kyo: Egh-hai. …. (Nodding my head grazing my gaze past Die-kun.)

Die: You look so different. (Wow she looks more stunning, her slim physic really shows beneath those layers of cloths, even without her exposing so much smooth delicate skin.)

Kyoko: As if I need heard that somewhere before-(To me this meant weird. Which is the most common response I usually got most of my life among boys?)

Die: No-no you look great! ^^;;;;;;;;; (When did her aura darken so suddenly?)

Kaoru: Ohayo gozaimasu, (bows) Murakami-san I'm glad you made it safely to Osaka.

Kyoko: I still can't believe that it all started here, in Osaka, the birthplace of Shinya-san, and Dir en grey. You guys also first played here in Osaka-jo hall, what a long way your dream as a band has come—(visions of their first live came flooding back to me.)

Kyo: (looks at me for a second or two) (coughs due to smoking habit) we should get going before anyone recognizes us, where's the van?

Lady: It should be pulling up soon.

I walked away from the band for a minute and started take pictures that would be inspiring for me in the changes that I would soon be making in the story. Before I knew it I was lost in world behind a lens. Until the I felt someone grab me faintly, I pulled instantly away a reflex I couldn't yet fix-the fact that someone touched me made my body's muscle tense up quickly, even from my toes but even so I moved to face them quickly on the balls of my feet. It was Kyo, shaken slightly by my sudden offense body language which relaxed suddenly at it faded away but he noticed me body still didn't relent. The lady in the distance called out but I didn't hear her I was too busy staring at Kyo then startled by my actions I quickly placed my camera away even if it was around my neck and hid my hands into the pocket of my jacket and hid under my jacket for awhile. Even if I had not said reaction pertaining this incident that was obscured by my shyness he spoke to me still as we walked back unexpectedly.

Kyo: Your introverted aren't you I thought there aren't many people like that in the world?

Kyoko: Yeah...but I have my reasons to be; America isn't like Japan. You just can't go walking out on the streets at night, you have drug dealers as neighbors, drive by shootings, street car races, the sound of the train in the distance at night, music at birthday parties blaring so late that you wonder if you ever get any sleep. On top of that you also have to watch out for the neighbors who also steal from under your nose, drown by the flood waters of the river if the levees break or by some chemical plant explosion since they all line up on one street that intersects my old house or even waiting by the bus in downtown where people smoke in your face without care, people hitting on each other that shouldn't, violence-insane people, poor and the disabled. I've seen it all minus a death or rape. Also I've never really let people touch me unless their friends or a reason to that I allow for it. Plus I also blame it on my weak health since I was premature I was forced to stay three months under nurse care at the hospital so maybe that when my expression of love toward others doesn't exactly involve much physical contact….(I suddenly realized why did I do such a stupid thing as to tell the man I secretly love what my life is like as if it were interesting as bestselling book or movie?) /;;;;

Kyo: Quite a past I can see, and yet you're so young-what exactly is your age? You look 20. (He looked at me curiously.)

Kyoko: O/\o?! Hmph...it's not polite to ask a lady her age but then again people always said I looked so young, so that you won't get a wrong answer 25.

Die: Sugoi! Seriously! I thought it was only Shinya who has that ability! ^^ Ha ha ha-

Kaoru: No it's because he eats healthier then you plus drink more than you should. _Idiot_.

Die: Actually we drink about the same; its Toshiya we should be worried about!

Kaoru: Then leave to genetics then…

Die: I bet you have a boyfriend! For someone is so refreshingly cute! (^/^)**

Kyoko: Egh? , Iie-i don't have one haven't found one worth yet or one to actual seemed to have the potential to be one.

Kyo:...

Others: Really you never dated anyone?!

Kyoko: I changed my opinion on men over the years; plus there are other personal reasons that hindered me as well…but I never said I didn't date anyone for making matters clearer.

Lady: I'm sorry to interrupt your conversation but we need to make way toward the van.

Slowly the van pulled up of the side of the cub in downtown Osaka. The sliding door slide open and quickly the members and I went inside and off we drove to a location I had yet to know. It reminded when I used to ride with my brothers and two of their friends.

Guys: Fuck, shoot over, your thigh is touching mine, well someone needs to get their ass out my face (more mumbling and movement of human bodies and items.) Okay we're good you can start the van!

Lady: Miss Murakami I hope you don't mind the incontinence of sitting on one of the members.

Kyoko: O/o; (Etch!)- Not-not all-ll that much. (Awe man come one! This way to close for comfort! Like the time in high school where I had to sit on a kohai's lap due to over crowdedness all over again!) 0/\0

Die: Ha ha ha! She so light, like a feather, that just too cute! Why are you so tense, relax its going to be awhile before reach Osaka-jo just lean back and tell us more about yourself-your still such a mystery to us! (And brushed the hair I had over my shoulder unto my back sending chills down my spine.)

Kaoru: Leave her alone Die-san, it's a natural for a girl to be embarrassed don't try to force her to do things. She already at high level of discomfort by your needless comments. (He looked at the rear view mirror to check up on Kyo, who was fully leaning on the side door of the van very comfortably possibly sleeping with his bags at his feet.)

Shinya: Are you sure you'll be fine; your lips look awfully pale. We can try to make room or I'll sit on Die-san lap I've done it before if you're too uncomfortable.

Kyoko: 0/\\\0; No-no I'm fine it shall take a second or too get used to it. (I'm not a big fan of physical contact; just breathe and you'll be fine.)

Kyo: Ohi! When you get to a stoplight pull over, we'll try to rearrange ourselves better; I don't think it's safe for her to sit like that (suddenly realizing that he was watching me from the rear view mirror which was hard to tell with his shades on.)

Lady: You're right do as he says.

Kyoko: *_* (silence)

The van soon pulls over and we get rearranged again; this time Kyo sat between both me and the staff member. All the while I kept my body as close to the window as possible, the thought of touching him unnecessarily drove me mad. I tried to push myself to relax by looking out the window but I couldn't help but be drawn by Kyo's simple body movements. I felt like telling myself he just a normal person like anybody else yet my other side of me kept screaming! This man, he's beautiful misunderstood creature, you love him, and you know he's special, why are you lying to yourself! Somehow I managed to push my annoying thoughts away. Silence maintained itself the whole way to Osaka –jo. Unless you accounted for the pit stop; they asked me if I wanted anything I told them no; because my bag was practically swimming with sweet flavored snacks and that's something they didn't need to know.

The guys came back with drinks and whatever snacks they liked; Kyo brought back a bottle of water and oolong tea. Like a small bird I watched them settle down again, including, where Kyo placed his newly bought items right across from me to the cup holder to the left side; I felt my body instinctively shrink back into the seat. And once more we drove off to Osaka- jo which was a little more ways from the convince store.

Before you know it I was following them alongside the clacking of their boots of the backstage hall ways, the jiggling of their keys and jean chains, the rustling of their clothes against the bags they carried. While it was I besides the camera man who trailed behind Kyo, who was last in getting off from the van; my feet where so quite that Kyo kept turning slightly to make sure I wasn't lost often flipping his bangs in the process which sent my heart racing and goose bumps across my skin. But to his surprise I kept pace with him with own bags that were heavier yet I didn't let him know it. The members spilt on hallway's intersection filled with room to its sides. Shinya, Die, Kaoru and Toshiya where all in the main room watching the footage of the last time in Osaka-jo. The staff came rushing in taking their bags filled with clothes I suppose for the time going to be spent on the tour. On the table laid their drinks, and other beverages (mainly alcohol) they instantly began preparing their bodies for the night of live, which was tomorrow, with special exercises. Meanwhile they took my bags along with Kyo's bags into this other separate room. The lady started to unpack my things and was completely baffled by how my articles of my clothing were _bishonen_ (guy) she could have sworn it was one of the member's clothes. But I told her otherwise I told her my female attire was sent directly to the hotel room.

Kyo wasn't even paying attention to her or me for that matter; he simply plopped himself into a cold leather skinned sofa in the room just for himself. Closed his eyes and breathed slowly almost into a full relaxation. He wore a red leather jacket, with a thin cotton white shirt expose some of his smooth skin, a pure black jeans, with his chain wallet, keys, bandana, and hat attached to it (removed before he sat down, more like dropped down) his eyes were covered in dark sunglasses like I mentioned earlier, on his wrist lay the metal bracelet he wore since the beginning of his career with some other piece of jewelry like a necklace and rings and a nice pair of black boots with black ankle socks protruding slightly. The lady left after unpacking everything. I on the other hand still rearranged my things according to my liking on the small low table in the center of the room. Soon Kyo felt asleep for a little bit to the sound of the music he liked playing on his I-pod. While I was kneeling on the floor began to rearrange all my paper work in trying to make a proper work station so when Kyo was ready to beginning I won't be wasting his time but it was also a miracle that I didn't even get a paper cut in the process! It wasn't long before the manager came in happily greeting me.

Manager: Murakami! So glad for you could join us! I must say you must be excited dear girl! Not every day a fan like you gets to spend in what I believe to be months with their idol band for months. I also hear that there could be a possible movie adaptation! If so I hope to hear you thoughts or plan on making this reality. I can only image the popularity and exposure for the campaign and donations shall be.

Kyoko: ^/^; To be honest I don't really care much for the fame but I think it's an opportunities to reach to a larger audience. Not only for me but for Dir en grey's ideal as well even if the music isn't taken into liking. But that's not my main concern I have to concentrate incorporating the members more in the dialogue and their thoughts or acts be something they themselves would do. So without further ado I truly wish to get started.

Suddenly Kyo eyes opened, narrowing them at the door, the manager had long since left, and I was busy looking at the photos I got online and comparing what I had. Jolted from his relaxed position into a focused one and removed the I-pod from the scene and took interesting at what I was doing. Unknowing spoke again.

Kyo: Are you professional photographer as well as an author?

Kyoko: Egh, no I just do it for visual references and as a hobby.

Kyo: So these photos of Osaka? (He said place his finger just above the photo on display on my I-pad.

Kyoko: There for Shinya's chapter….

Kyo: So what exactly do you need me for? (Straightened up and dropped him into sitting position on the floor meeting me at eye level.)

Kyoko: (I felt my face harden at the sound of his voice at the harsh spoken yet honest question.) I want you to give me your honest opinion about you in the first chapter, how described in your future reference since the first chapter was mainly in the past, what do you think of the you I created from what I knew thought of what you would be like in thought or speech etc.

After talking about it for some time Kyo's hand suddenly came over mine and he began to scroll the screen down to the text on my open laptop for I was referring to in chapter but he soon looked away suddenly realize the original text was English and the notes I made where in Japanese so it was a jumbled mess only I could understand. He cleared his throat and quickly pulled back and turned the laptop back to face me. My face, I suppose was frozen stiff, for my mind kept reply his movement towards me over and over again. For him afterwards he excused himself for the impulse it was due to editing in music recording that he was used to doing on the laptop of their songs that he did so. I embarrassingly, laughed nervously, which really something I regretted afterwards. I instantly pulled my hands back in my lap under the table. I told him that it was all I need to ask about of him since the rest of the text was of the other members that the follow after the first chapter; and would be needed change certain words here and there for Kyoko, one the main characters. He eyed how I always kept my hands out of sight for that moment afterwards but his darkened brown gaze softened and he thought nothing of it and he went about his business. For example changing a few articles of his clothing which I didn't notice until I lifted my head from the screen as I type furiously away making the corrections.

Then he coming back from standing near the mirror stationed along the wall of the room near his clothing rack. He gazed at my clothes for a minute and saw how well in similarity it was to Dir en grey's style and gracefully skimmed his fingers over the different mediums of clothing I had. Noticing that my fingers had stopped producing the distinctive noise of keys being pressed he walked back to the leather sofa to the position he was in except he bent down to one of the bags left at his disposal; grabbed a bottle of medication possibility for his allergies but otherwise I didn't know what it could be he took two pills from it placed the bottle back with jiggle rush of his bracelet. Grabbed the bottle of water from earlier and drank them quickly. And once more he attuned to himself in preparation for the stage being set up. I simply got up from the room setting my I-pad and laptop on hibernation and left the room-I almost detested myself for some reason I couldn't place. But before leaving I took my camera and a note pad with me. Closing the door but even as I exhaled heavily and closed my eyes held the image of him so peaceful burned on the inside of my eye lids.

But I soon was startled by Kaoru who had approached me and the door. He smiled warmly, and as if there was anything I wanted to eat I told him no and gazed at the floor next to his feet. I simply pulled out a box of Pocky from my pants pocket and slid out a slick stick held in my mouth like a cig. And mumbled speech came flowing out of my mouth, "this shall hold till the night is over and we arrive at the hotel." I was lying though-I was just so nervous being around the man I loved to even eat straight much less think clearly. But my bad eating habits started way further back then this so it probably why I'm still underweight. I finished the stick held by my mouth is seconds. He nodded and walked back to where the others were. And I walked past the room where they where I saw their expressions carefully. Pulling the camera's lenses over my eyes I felt safer almost something like see something so beautiful yet you can't bring yourself to touch because you're afraid it might break instantly in your hands such a snowflake or vase. So even with them being a few feet from me I snapped the photos of their natural human bodies in their purest forms living a life like all humans do. Suddenly Die-san approached me while I finally pulled away the lens from my eyes. He stood there watching me and stared to speak.

Die: You seem so distant when you have that camera over your pretty face; it's like you live in a different world. What do you see? I'm the getting the feeling you're a daydreamer. Why isn't that this pretty little fairy doesn't remain in the real world with a hidden face?

Kyoko: Because once this fairy did live in the world. But the world she saw before was an ever so cruel world only seen by those who constantly suffer everlasting pain. Life is lived through pain-happiness is always short lived like the season of spring when the fairies come out to play. I have my reasons why I hide my face- none of which is your concern. My business is my business if you can understand that.

Instantly I rushed past him with a brisk walk, hiding my burning face of pain resurfacing of the past, with the collar of my leather jacket and held down the hall toward the window. Fuck! Why must I be so cold to someone who actually taken an interest in me? Is because I was never used to kind of attention as a child? Is it because I feel in reality repulsed instead of flatter at this man's words because it isn't from the one I desired most? Am I the only one who feels this way? Am I was to be this kind of person both ugly and beautiful? I slammed my fist in the window, hurting my hand. And I turn around and my back slid until I seated myself to the floor. Setting my things down on the floor I put my hand over my face-why why must this pain follow me always? Shouldn't I feel happy? I sat there for a few minutes trying to gather my bearings and finishing the box of Pocky that I had.

I got up and quickly got my things and walked over to the stairwell down to the stage.

None of the member had seen the preparations yet underway. So I took the time to take pictures of the venture from all angles I was practically feeding off the energies that would soon be felt tomorrow night. After that I left the complex and took photos of Osaka and how I saw it fitting for the story. I don't remember how many photos I took or tourist attractions I saw that day from my list but it was soon night fall and cool sea salty breeze calm rolling in. I came around the corner just making my way back into the secret entrance in Osaka-jo when two bishojo girls came up to me smiling and laughing. i froze memories of my bullying days came flooding back the notion of being made of fun was inevitable but of course they weren't but my mind always played stupid games such as those. The girls came closer and stopped to talk for me a bit.

"Are you lost?"

"What why did you ask him that without asking if he's foreign?"

"Maybe he's kuro gyaru?"

I answered almost emotionless which could have been read as the bad boy type, "sorry for the misunderstanding but I'm fine and I also happen to female."

The girls faces lighted up with shock, "gomensai" _sorry_- we thought you were a very well dressed male.

I smiled amusingly in a sarcastic way "it keeps me safe from bad guys who like to take advantage of foreigner girls who get put in the sex slave trade. Plus I hope to me a male fashion designer some day it one those dreams I have stored away somewhere."

The girls laughed and replied in exciting voice," wow you're so cool to be bold enough to do such a thing. We really sorry about the misunderstanding. We wish the best in your career. Mind if we take a photo it seems that we won't be able to get a glimpse of Dir en grey tonight with all the guards."

I laughed, if only they knew, maybe taking a photo with me now will me something you girls will never forget, "sure it always a complement to take photo with such kawaii gals."

Something I have yet to be..._kawaii_ which Daisuke kept using on me.

Quick photos were taken and a rushed goodbye I was left alone again on the street corner. Psh, I knew my idea of dressing like a man would pay off. Plus I managed to save the girls' time in not pleading with the guards. Who they wanted to see I would never know. The guards quickly let me pass by I was inside the building again and the workers where done with the stage and the rest would be left for tomorrow. Climbing up the stairs again and standing there was lady who escorted me earlier in the day.

Lady: We were afraid you gotten yourself lost. Since you left in just such a quick manner.

Kyoko: _; (Somehow I find her annoying.) Ah yes, I just wanted to do some site seeing before speaking with Terachi-san tomorrow. My apologies…

Lady: I hope you are enjoying Osaka very well.

Kyoko: Yes indeed, Terachi-san must be so proud of his home town. Did he leave home to see his parents for the night?

Lady: We he did see his mother awhile ago when you stepped out but he has returned just in time for the departure for the hotel.

Kyoko: I must then get my things to speed up the process in getting there then. (Why do I feel annoyed by this woman? Was it because she asked so much needless questions?) Anyway I pushed out my bad side and left get to the remainder of my things. To only find all the members starting at my clothes. Squeezing past them from the space in the doorway I scrambled to my things back into my bag before actually paying attention to the hustle and bustle the room; in which Kyo was nowhere to be seen.

Toshiya: I still can't believe a girl would have this much male attire in her wardrobe? How many brothers do you think she has anyway?

Shinya: Well there must be some very good reason for why she wears what she wears and we shouldn't judge her based on that.

Kaoru: I think it makes her all the more interesting if you don't mind having a girl who's more than just ordinary.

Die: I think it makes her all the sexier! Imagine her ******************************************. (Laughed) (Too perverted to be repeated also because my ears are bleeding.)

Kyoko: (What in the fuck this guy just say?!) (Cough) Excuse me.

The guys stopped talking at once and turned to face me and my small slender face against such a greater male stature.

Die: _Ah_~!, Kyoko-chan didn't happen to see you pass by I suppose you heard what I said just now.

Kyoko: Does matter if I hear it or not the reason why I wear what I wear will not change the outcome. And don't call me –_chan_ I don't recalling giving you such permission for the sake of the work place.

Die: O/O I'm sorry…I didn't mean to offend you. (Why is she so cute when she's angry?)

Others: X/\x;

Kyoko: I've always liked guy wear it more comfortable you guys don't have much pressures when being in a women's body. Plus it mainly due to you all that I like such clothes. Visual kei is a major influence on my life.

Shinya: See what I didn't tell you, she had a perfectly good reason!

Kaoru: But the closer I look it at it resembles more of Kyo-chan style than anything else but I'm guessing you also have a habit of buying sweaters or long sleeved to cover your hands.

Toshiya: Why do you cover your hands?

Die: Why there such beautiful slender hands?!

Kyoko: O_o?! (Beautiful? slender? Are you fucking with me?) Egh~….

Kyo: Because maybe she just like to have her hands covered the same way you like to submit girls to your will by needlessly flattering them to death so you could bed them.

Kyoko: X/\x?! (Say what?) A-actually, the reason why is that my hands are always covered because their always cold, due to my weight gain problem that I have so I don't like have people see how horribly skinny I look.

Die: How is that you say that about yourself, you're perfect the way you are!

Kyoko: /; I-I I don't have to push myself further in explain in how people simply have different opinions in how they see themselves and how other to them.

Kaoru: Yes, that's very true. please forgive Daisuke-san he's just-a little carried away by his love for women.

Shinya: Yes please don't mind him. We didn't mean to offend you in any manner.

Toshiya: We're also sorry for intruding on your belongings. It's just we didn't know who they belong to until we saw the name tag—

Kyoko: Just forget about it.

And I pretended in caring more about packing my belongings when I was secretly looking at Kyo in search of an expression but he was busying putting his things away and had his earphones re-plugged into his one of his ears. When the manager came in saying the van would be starting up soon. Before I left I looked once more at the clothing I had on the rack; was it really such a good idea to wear this? Or am I just hiding- the hiding the fact that I was still insecure about my own body? Was the truth hiding within the lie? Isn't because of it I got into male fashion? With that being said I grabbed the pair of leather gloves and slipped them on my hands and left the room with Kyo trailing me behind me until the sound of our union clashing of boots soon came to pace with my walking speed. And before we knew it we became the leaders of the pack.

Kyo spoke to me, "your hands are not always cold-there just luke warm. Plus if Daisuke-kun looks past the look of your hands I think that you too can look past it. If that's something you want to change..."

Kyoko: Ah~…, yeah I know it just most of the time they are...also I like how they feel when their covered. I really don't have an eating problem. This is what most girls' think I have to do to be this fit.

Kyo: (He gave a brief amused smile and nodded.) Here you look thirsty. (And he handed me a water new water bottle from his bag.)

I hesitated for a minute but I took it. Our hands touched and somehow the warmth of his hand seeped through the leather. I looking at the water and went ahead and opened it. But all the while I felt someone's piercing gaze burning into my back. But it soon stopped after some murmurs in the back and noise of body movements. It was only natural for hands to brush against one person to another in exchange of things…don't think of it other than that my mind rambled at the sudden passage of heat.

Coolness had really taken over the clear navy blue sky in Osaka which was also cloudless; the wind blew harder rushing all of us into the safety of the van back into the same positions as we had arrived. All the while I looked out the window watching the city light glistening in the distance being blurred by the speed of the movement made by the van. But it was long after that I still felt the nausea come flooding back for being so close to Kyo and annoyed by the watchful stare of Die-kun as I glanced at him and from time to time through the rearview mirror. As well as Kyo wondering if he has fallen asleep but it was impossible to tell with his shades covering his eyes again. Will it always been this way between us? This distance…like oceans that once separated us? I felt the waves of sleepiness come over me while listening to the distant soft hum of the van as it drove down the highways toward the hotel in downtown. But the brightness of the city lights awoke me into the reality that I still wasn't close enough yet to an actual mattress. My head hurt terribly for not eating right and the water I drank didn't fill the vastness in my stomach. The Manager then turn his head from the passenger seat and call down to the back saying that we were at the last exist and should be at the hotel entrance in ten minutes. The guys in the back moaned, and began hustle themselves to get ready to leave quickly from the van. Kyo suddenly after keeping so still moved slightly as not to hit either one of us on the sides of him. It was long before everyone was feeling that I felt the desired to leave this enclosed space!

Before we knew it the van squeaked to a halt in front of the grand hotel, all lighted up from the inside hurting my eyes from being in the dark so long. The manager stepped out pulled open the door and once more everyone rushed out of the van. The lady and the manager when ahead out of all of us to check in everyone while we waited in the lobby; Kaoru, Kyo, Toshiya, Die and Shinya sat down in the seats available while I gaze around the place with my camera at hand and took very few photos. Almost the whole time they were quiet until both the manager and lady looked at me wearily and I knew a problem had popped up. They came closer to me along with the other members ready to go up to their rooms.

Lady: They happened to run out of rooms on the floor the members are staying.

Kyoko: And-…

Manager: Some of you are going to have to share a room with Miss Murakami.

Kyoko: O/\o;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Lady: But of course we're not for sure just yet we have to see once we arrive on the floor.

Kyoko: X/\X; (You can be serious! I may end up sharing a room with one of them! But it not like I've not to sharing a room with a male before but they were not even my brothers close to complete strangers and on top of that full grown men!)

Kaoru: Don't worry, we'll manage it amongst ourselves; you and the manager can go on up.

So there I was slowly walking to my doom up the stairs into the hall way where the elevator was. The silence in the elevator was killing me not to mention being so close to them in such an enclosed space! Finally the ding rang out and everyone got off and Kaoru began to call out room numbers and the beds available in the rooms some of them already had occupants, who where male. Soon out of the blue a staff member came out with a carrier with my bags which he offered to carry them for me.

Kaoru: Andou and myself shall be taking this room, Toshiya and the driver shall be in this room, Niimura and Murakami you guys shall be the last room on the left, and Shinya and the manager shall be on the room straight across.

Die: Wait, why does, Niimura get to sleep with Murakami?!

Kaoru: It alpha order of last name and even if we used her real last name it still be the same so quit your whining and get into the room its late as is it and tomorrow is the day we start the tour.

Shinya: Please try you best to get the most restful sleep out of this arrangement, Murakami-chan. (And he closed the door behind him quietly.)

Toshiya: Hey at least you're not stuck with the driver, who snores, but hey someone's got to do otherwise where not going to go anywhere! (And he left somewhat irritated by that fact.)

Die tried to fight his way to where I was standing and I stood there and gave a glare that had him shrinking back. I really didn't have time for him to be fighting over me, someone who I carried no feelings for, yet I really didn't want to share room with Kyo but my body was all ready straining. Yet I tiredly turned away from him to walk down the hall where Kyo had stopped. Die-san didn't object this time, he simply watched me go, and he too even enter the room.

Kyo stood at the door way with his bags, he look at me directly and spoke in serious soft tone, "Would you like shower first; I'll stay out here until you're finished."

I only could manage to bring my eyes to his mouth, I nodded, pulling my bags with me and I closed the door quickly behind me. The desire to simple trash my things all across the floor and scream a blood curling scream was so great and tightly balled in my chest yet I didn't instead I parked my luggage near the sofa facing the TV against the wall to my right. I took the bed nearest to the window. I took a look at my sleeping clothes, they weren't girly nor was it cute it was something simple a plain colored t-shirt bigger then it need to be and soft baggy sleeping pants I got for Christmas once.

I locked myself in the bathroom, turned on the hot water knob all the way and waited for the steam of heat to fog up the bathroom mirror. Before I stepped into the shower I saw my distorted self in the mirror; this is person that I don't want anyone to see this feeble girl who doesn't know how to love again. I hate my former self because it didn't get me anywhere and yet I hate this self because it isn't exactly who I want to be. Then who am I truly? I guess I'm nothing more but a web of lies. And with that I entered the shower and did what was needed as quickly as possible. Clothed once more I looked at myself again, this time wiping away the mirror so it was clear again; I could still see the little girl inside me somewhere crying. I sighed, my stomach growled louder, I dried off my hair and put whatever products that was similar to the ones I used back at home; and then I stopped for a second as I grabbed the bottle of perfume-should I spray it? The smell will linger here, what if it bothers him and his allergies? Then the courageous part of me and the one who didn't care about others spoke loudly in my mind, "Just spray it, he wouldn't care about it, he had girlfriends before, besides he think of you maybe if catches the scent."

Before I couldn't think twice because my body simply took over in habit and sprayed lightly the scent on me. I sneezed, it always happens when I sprayed it. I wondered what he would think of my chosen perfume scent mixed with natural body ordor.

I walked toward the door with my black socks and turned to make sure the bathroom was immaculate. I opened it put away all my dirty clothes that could be put away, and saw the cord of my hair dryer sticking out-should I dry my hair? I never did like showing people who my hair looked wet because the results afterwards weren't always pleasant. Before I knew I pulled it into the outlet on my side of the room next to my bed. I walked over to the door to let Kyo in but to my surprise he wasn't there and his things were on the inside of the door now. He must have left outside to smoke I thought; well at least it gave time to blow dry. By the time I was finished blowing drying the room service already bring me my dinner and yet Kyo still hadn't came back; maybe he just wanted me to fall asleep before he did his business but I didn't know for sure. For minutes I realized I have done nothing for ten whole minutes waiting. Why was I waiting it was already so late at night. Then I remembered Kyo didn't eat anything either so I order him some dinner which was set on the coffee table near the sofa. I stayed up a little longer on the sofa watching the download of photos onto my laptop but before I knew I was fast asleep with my knees pulled up to my chest wrapped with a soft fuzzy jacket with_ kumamimi_ (bear ears), that really was feminine then all the outfits I wore so far.

I guess had fallen asleep was having some sort of dream that I was having; because I swear in this dream: Kyo had come back to move his stuff towards his bed. Eating his food that I left for him in little matter of time and took about 25-30 minutes shower which is what most guys take unless you have long hair. He came out, with another light colored shirt which was grey and soft pants just like mine with black socks. He stood at the door way for awhile, he looked at my bed it and very much surprised to see it was empty, then he look toward his right instinctively and there I was asleep in a fetal like position and since I was small I didn't give the notion that I was there. What seemed like a sincere smile spread across his face, he walked over quietly put my laptop on hibernation, closed it pushing it further across the table so that he wouldn't knock it over, and removed the jacket I used as a blanket. He stood there for a few seconds then he leaned of his slim built frame over me sliding one arm around my back, going under my arm pit to connect with the other hand that went under my knees and lifted me easily off the sofa toward my bed. Managing somehow to push my head closer to his chest, the crisp clean smells came of him along with deep spiced scented cologne like forest set ablaze with the orange, gold, and reds of autumn. My eyes fluttered open at last in the dream and I lifted my head my nose touched under his chin, he shifted my weight again, this time the arm that was under my arm was now around me instead of under and he gripped me tightly yet not enough to where it hurt. He hushed with back to sleep, murmuring something I couldn't quite catch nor understand; all I felt was warmth of his words and body as I stayed in his arms. But in the entire dream was so short…and this feeling of sudden yearning awoke me. I snapped open my eyes, the warmth I felt were from the blankets and bed sheets that surrounded me and the sunlight pouring in from the curtains. I scrunched my nose at the dust particles dancing about in the warming light. I slowly sat up, pushed my hair back, and rubbed my eyes yet I kept my hands over my face and thought; why did I dream such a dream like that one? He would never dare touch someone as repulsively average as me. Yet he did it so carefully as if you would a newborn, am I really that defenseless? Is that how people see me? Always looking down upon me? Furious at something that could be considered true I threw back my sheets and looked at the room. It was just exactly what my dream said it looked like, the tray of food I had left of the table was empty thrown in the trash, my laptop was turn on hibernation it seems and further on the end, bathroom door was left open and Kyo's luggage was moved closer to the bed but the real Kyo was nowhere to be seen. Did my dream really happen—before I could think there was a light knock at the door.

I dropped my body unto the floor, crawled for a few steps, and then got up and walked toward the door; it happened to be Shinya fully dressed at the door.

Shinya: Ah, Kyoko-chan did I wake you up?

Kyoko: Ah! Uhm, no really no you didn't. Ohayo gozaimasu is what I should say first. So, I see Kyo left early. (The reminiscence of the dream kept following back into my mind the scent of his body still clung to me like perfume.)

Shinya: Yes, everyone had more interviews this morning. Kyo said it was best not to wake you, he said you stayed up pretty late despite what I asked of you yesterday.

Kyoko: Egh, b-but I didn't mean to disobey your thoughtfulness it's just I'm not use to this time shift just yet and I'm a little home sick. Plus I only stayed up to downloaded the photo of Osaka I took yesterday to go back in the story and make some corrections and to post in my blog. (And with that I rubbed at my eyes; even though I still feel tired and felt a coming headache. I did my best to look alert.) (Cough) Please come sit down have some tea or coffee by the means of room service as I make myself more presentable.

And I moved out of the door way.

Kyoko: Excuse the mess. (And I went straight toward making the bed which was still warm with body heat. Pulling out my suitcase that I slid under the bed and rolled it toward the bathroom.)

Shinya on the other hand sat on Kyo's made bed and made the phone call for room services, "What would like to eat?" he said covering the speaker on the phone. "Brown sugar oatmeal, two pieces white bread toast with peanut butter or with strawberry jam and a mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows."

And with that I closed the door behind me along with my three bags filled with stuff. One was clothes and makeup (surprisingly), another was stuff for the campaign project, and the other was stuff that made me feel like home which wasn't much. Kneeling on the bathroom floor I looked at second clothing suitcase which contained a mix style of Japanese fashion. I looked at a Liza Liz outfit, in a non outstanding gyaru fashion, maybe its best that I did dress in what that corresponds to my gender. So I picked a long sleeve knit in off white, it had two butterfly knots in the front and one in the back that connect the overall suspender stall of the skirt, was brown with white lacing down in the front and small bows going across the hem, with off white lace leggings of flowers, bare skin is something I didn't like show off too much. Over it I had a white and brown grey fur poncho of the neck line and rim of it as well with a dark chocolate and velveteen red bow, knee high boots also velvet red with brown grey fur on top and soft ribbon lacing up the boot. My purse was the matching outfit purse, which was little basket with straw woven and lace covered the sides and the top was covered in the same brown grey fur and it also had a white fur bow. I put on the basic gyaru makeup, after I washed my face and teeth, and combed my hair; which was primer, bb cream, spot corrector, fake eyelashes, eyeliner, brow liner, matching color scheme eye shadow. Then I looked at my hair-hmmm I'll curl it today. So I pulled out my curling iron and weighted for it to heat up and fixed my hair into _nekomimi_ (cat ears) which still to this day very popular. After I curled my hair I took the same bottle of perfume yesterday and once more remember the earth spiced scent that off Kyo's body in my dream.

I stepped out the bathroom, pulling my luggage once more of the room. Shinya glanced up from the morning paper, with the food I ordered straight across from me; he was practically stunned by my transformation. He couldn't help but smile and laughter escaped his lips.

Shinya: You absolute look like a little red riding hood except with an odd twist, a chocolate series twist. Kyo's was right this morning in saying you're really into sweets! But it really does bring innocence to your aura.

Kyoko: Ah, thank you (bow) I just picked it out so suddenly I never really thought of it. (Great so if I'm the little red riding hood then Die or Kyo must be the big bad wolf! Suddenly I regretted my swing fashion transition.)

Putting the rest of things aside I sat down toward the table to join Shinya in eating breakfast by the time I look at the clock it was 9:30.

Kyoko: So, when should the drive be back to pick us up or are we taking the train. (I said stirring my oatmeal.) (And I took a bite out my strawberry and peanut butter toast.)

Shinya: I thought it would be nice for us to take the train maybe you can take more photos along the way; you really seem into nature, more so now that you look like a _mori_ (forest) girl. ^/^;

Kyoko: That's fine; I like that idea. (If only I knew the consequences that would happen later on today.)

Shinya: You actually eat pretty well; I thought you look too depressed this morning to that eat anything hearty as this!

Kyoko: I'm full of surprises; take them as they come if you like.

Shinya: (smiles) (She really is beautiful when acts herself truthfully.)

I didn't take long in eating my breakfast we were at the Osaka train station fifteen minutes before our actual train we needed to get on and the whole while I took photos and talked about his chapter and what he thought of it.

It wasn't long into the conversation that I had girls come by and complement of my outfit and asked if me and Terachi-san were dating. I simple pleasantly and confidently that we weren't and that he was just a great friend who was going to escort me to my new work place. The girls apologized and went on their way. We got on the train and I snapped more photos of Osaka. The time I spent with Shinya was pleasant and peaceful but the thought of Kyo in my dream kept flooding back immersing itself more into my memories and the scenery of the fast moving train I was startled to here the stop on the train being called and Shinya ushering me to the door.

My time with Shinya had ended, Kaoru's turn would soon come, and then others then back to Kyo again. Tonight was also the first live on the Tour! I soon would become something greater than just a fan maybe even possibly a friend and member of the band I love so much. Maybe I should stop having these doubts and just run into the darkness like Kyo has done. But will I find on the other side I don't know? When I thought that thought I was soon standing in front of Osaka-jo once more.


	3. Episode 3: Alive in Osaka-jo!

Episode #3: Alive in Osaka-jo! Scream for Truth Tours!

The guards looked at me with beaming smiles nodding at our arrival Terachi and I both showed them are passes. And they stood there stunned by overnight transformation. I blushed slightly; I still wasn't used to this kind of attention so it put me kind of on edge and downright embarrassed. I walked down the hall way to the stage that was having another re-inspection so the workers really didn't have time to bother with starting at me. I felt so minuscule now that I didn't wear the attire I did yesterday. The noise on my feet where nothing more but little tapping clicks compared to the lightly stepping Shinya with his boots. I felt so exposed even if I wore the poncho over my small sized breasts, I felt suddenly that the shirt was too short and began to fidget at the hem -the leggings grew itching, my legs began to wobble as I climbed the stepped toward hall way where the member could be actually waiting. I felt the air wasn't reaching my lungs, my chest heaved with the pressure building up inside me-the thought of those beautiful deep brown eyes on me felt as if he was seeing me naked! No! I shouted in my mind, stop it right now, those thoughts your thinking will only make matters worse, you'll snap and that won't be very pleasant now. Quit doubting, you made it this far how about walking the rest of the way, you can't go and change now you'll run into him most likely or get caught in the hallway by Die-san. So you're going to have to deal with yourself in this outfit a little longer.

Surprising the hallway was empty, so I went ahead in the room where both Kyo's and I clothes remained on their separate racks. I walked toward the mirror, is the girl I'm supposed to be, that lost girl-the murmur of my former self? I looked closed at myself am I really this what seemed to be a kirei shojo (beautiful girl)? I touched my cheek for a while moment to transfer the heat in my small hands- I was indeed this strange girl who still didn't see herself as beautiful only average. But I set down my bag and basket purse and set down to work on Shinya's chapter; the time he made for me made it a lot easier to get the process moving a lot faster. Before I knew it and was finished, but it was still so quite outside, so I put everything away and stepped out of the room; just I closed the door behind me lifting my glaze from my chocolate brown boots there where the member's chattering away about the preparations that needed to get started before the concert when they all lifted their heads and saw me standing their defenseless as a deer on the middle of the road frozen by the headlights of a car. The paper I had in my hand just feel to the floor, fuck-pull yourself together your stronger then you think, with a quick movement I caught them before they saw. I didn't look in their eyes I just started at the floor towards the right corner. They all suddenly came walking what seem like toward me but instead they went about their business. Did they not recognize me? Did I seriously look so different but my skin color is the same so why didn't they come near me?

Kyo simply stood there for a minute talking with the manager and then he came walking down the hall with such a masculine pride, my heart beats keep beating louder and louder I swear I thought my ear drums would burst in how they loud they were- they were matching every step he made. He walked toward my direction as if he were going to say something yet he stopped, smiled a small smile, swiveled past me with his amazing foot work, flipped his hair again and closed the door with a thud. I instant sat down on the floor with my knees bent horrible to the sides. Why did I hope for so much from this man who doesn't move for anyone but himself? I place my fragile hands to my neck and straggled at my own self-etch-foolishness; look what at your doing to yourself. I stopped to pick myself up from the floor and watch over to the room where the rest of the gang had stationed themselves. Silent screams that aren't heard my no one but me. Suddenly I hear a little knock at the door, my eyes fluttered open again, it was just a day dream I had envisioned due to the lack of sleep and the tension building up in my nerves on the fears about myself. It was Shinya, who came in quietly, he smiled and told me the others had just arrived and asked if I could meet them outside to discuss the plans for the entire day and night; after tonight was the first live of the tour and adding other person could be prove to quite cumbersome. Shinya reminded by me for a while as I got up from the floor and reestablish the boots of my feet. Shinya took my hand the minute I walked toward the door and he squeezed it. I looked back at him surprised by his actions and he spoke to me very softly.

Shinya: Change is a good thing, it shows another side to people you meet; deep down I know you're a very sweet person with a complex mind. And even if you don't see yourself like others due to strive to achieve what you want about yourself; just like your dream in helping the people of Japan. Is that so much different? It may be different from what you think.

Kyoko: (I thought on his words for a moment. Is it really different?) Yeah…I suppose your right.

Shinya: (Smiled and let's go of my hand but he stood by my side as I walked down the hall.)

And just like my déjà vu, the other members came walking up the stairs, all talking at once about the preparations of the stage down below. While I and Shinya continued to advance toward them, I felt the feelings of helplessness, despair, insignificance wash over me in waves that got stronger and stronger yet I kept walking forward. The guys stopped talking reverence to our presence. I struggled to breathe as I felt each member's gaze upon me. But I lifted my head slightly to see partial part of their faces.

Kaoru: Ohayo~ so glad for you to join once again Murakami-san, but this time as a nice young lady, the colors suits you very well. I believe Shinya told you are whereabouts this morning.

Kyoko: (I nodded; I still couldn't find the voice to speak.)

Toshiya: (Laughed and smiled) Hail the Chocolate and Strawberry Little Red Riding Hood! (And he grabbed a piece of my poncho in his fingers and commented on how soft it was.)

Kyoko: _/_; … (This is an utter disaster!)

Shinya: That was the very same thought that came to mind when I saw her this morning. It's really cute; girls these days are really into soft fluffy things and sweets!

But what I feared final came the comment of both Die-san and Kyo-san where left I could care less if the manager or his assistant thought. Bearing his jaws at me this expressing wolf and his proclaimed love spoke to me with a huff and a puff!

Die: (His eyes glittered and glistened at the very sight of me. It was strange that I could cause such phenomenon.) You look very nice today-I didn't think you changed to something like this. You're not still mad about yesterday, if I offended you I deeply apologize. (His eyes soften in sadness.)

Kyoko: (I cocked my head slightly shocked by his calm demeanor. I shook my head and managed a smile and spoke in audible voice somehow from within my dry throat.) No, I never thought that my diverse sense of fashion would cause just a disturbance amongst you. To be honest I still don't know why I decided to wear this today.

Kaoru: (smiles) it is okay to wear whatever you want it what you feel comfortable in. Now that's all settled let talk about the schedule.

With being said I lifted my head a little higher to hear at my best what would be the events of today. All the while, I caught of glimpse of Kyo, which his arms folded across his chest and his head bowed down listening intently on the words of his band members then when the speech was over, he lifted his head up, smiled slightly as he passed by elegantly moved right past me, flipped his hair to the side and stopped silencing the sounds of metal on him and his heavy clanking of his boots. "Ah~ Murakami-san, thank you for ordering the food last night I didn't think you would get out of the shower so soon as you did. I'm sorry I made you worry and kept you up."

My hearted skipped a heartbeat and I tried to process something in return but he already enclosed himself in the room again. Must I always be this late blooming flower? With that I leaned against the wall placing my hand of over my left eye and let my fingers slightly pierce the small space between my eye and its socket; there's always some truth hidden with my dreamer's eye-Kyo will still only move on his own accord and for no one else. A small sharp pain came from my eye, then taking a deep breath; I walked back down the hall way toward the rest of the members. Kaoru and Die where gone, down below of the stage tuning their guitars making sure it was perfect for tonight's performance. The only ones who remain were Toshiya and Shinya happily sitting across from each other talking about their interviews. I sat down in a makeup chair; then makeup artists came in and they sat down their stuff on the floor beneath table connected to the wall. They greeted themselves including towards me, more comments, but soon I didn't feel like keeping up the chatter with the ladies. I started to think more about the other chapters; I made notes within my mind but it wasn't long before I feel fast asleep-maybe I am a workaholic.

I felt someone's hand come over my face brushing a few strands of hair from my small forehead like my mother used to back at home as a child; I immediately flung open my eyes and sat up from a lying down position. I was about to swing the person's hand away when I saw it was Kaoru kneeling on the floor next to the leather sofa that was in Kyo's private room. Huh? How did I end up here? What time was it?

Kaoru: I'm sorry did I startle you; I know you were sleeping so profoundly I thought you wouldn't even feel me touch you. But I guess I was wrong-you looked very peaceful almost like a doll. (He laughed what could have been nervously.)

Kyoko: (I held my hands to my nose and squeezed the top of the bridge. I got up to fast and the dizziness was barely subsiding.) How long was I asleep?

Kaoru: Not to long past 14:00, there is food for you to eat. The show starts at 18:00 so there's a lot to do before then.

Kyoko: Who brought me in here? (I said swinging my feet from the sofa to the floor. I slowly stood up and walked passed Kaoru who stood up and moved to the other side of the table.)

Kaoru: I did, Die-san was too scared to even touch you fearing the worst; Kyo gladly spared the room, well that's because we been busy doing sound and light check, v.i.p meet exclusive items, and warm up exercises. Now it's time for lunch, and you sleep beauty need to eat something.

I walked over the mirror slowly, looked at myself in the outfit again, untied the fluffy fur from around my neck and set it down and adjusted the clothes that fitted by my body a little bit. How I really wished I could rub my face and eyes but I couldn't; so then I began to adjust a little bit on the curls in my hair and then left it alone. I retied the poncho, once again over my shoulders, and walked toward the door when Kaoru came in behind me and opened it.

Kyoko: What's for lunch?

Kaoru: Italian.

I said nothing just continued down the hall into another room where the food was set up, the guys were drinking, smoking, eating, casually talking amongst each other about the show. I walked over to the food table organized like a buffet restaurant. In the line were also the makeup artists, the personal assistant, and the manager himself. I kept my head down and look at the food I got what I liked from the bunch, the bad things is tomato sauce is not good for an outfit like mine. Plus with pasta always took my time to eat it, so after hearing what I needed to know as the time for the concert got closer, I simply walked out of the room and ate it in Kyo's room again. As I ate I pondered for a moment on things discussed, Dir en Grey was going to practice shortly before the live, wardrobe change, more exercises, and then group met for v.i.p and then off onto the stage they go. I felt out of place in all this no matter how hard I tried to fit myself in. Somehow I just felt lost. Finishing the food I threw the remains in the trash crash-I felt frustration and anger building up for reasons unknown. Before I knew it I snapped, I threw everything I could imagine that was mine to the ground, I even ruined the new look in the fit of rage, that the hot tears that poured down my face ruing my makeup; the makeup girls came rushing in only to see destruction- my cat ears where undone, the curls and almost lost all of its shape, my boots scattered about along with the rest of my clothes in that room. The stared at me in silence, they probably thought I was crazy, yet as I just sat there in the mess trying to understand it all myself. I realized it was my hurt former self had remembered the reason why I ended up being this type of person.

Everything single painful thing up till know just came spilling out and before I knew it is that I had one girl trying to comfort me and other picking up my things. I blinked emptily into the room; I said something to reassure them that I was fine~ telling myself, why do I lie? Why didn't just I say the truth? Is because they will never understand me? Maybe it because no matter how hard they try to sympathize with me I know they'll never ever know how it is to be in my shoes. Whatever I told them, they understood, and left the room. I looked at the mirror again, this was not a dream but reality, I really did what I did, and that fact will never change. So it was then I stripped everything I put on this morning off and replaced it with another similar outfit that I wore yesterday. My former self at the current moment would be replaced with grey version of me. I just hoped that the girls won't say anything about this but by the time I changed the girls came with their things and once again I changed my look into a darker demeanor, my hair was no longer feminine but visual kei and my make up was no longer soft and natural but heavy and bold as steel. Even the boots I wore were changed to plats. The girls smiled weakly but they approved of the change since after all who dresses so girly at a Dir en grey concert plus it was better this way I blend in to the crowds to take photos.

I hung the clothes that the wore on the rank and left it there-I when through my basket purse and dug out my I-pod at set in on shuffle; I began to regret my anger those girls who will probably never speak to me again. I was left alone in the room my body outstretched on the leather couch, my legs cross up on the arm rest, my arms folded beneath my head; the zipper of the new leather jacket and long sleeve shirt was un-zipped as well as un-button to cool down any remaining anger. Suddenly Die-san, came in the door, his eyes widen at my sudden change; he continued to stare at me with his eyes, fixated on the newly revealed skin his voice choked at my sudden boldness. I placed my hand over my right eye and did the same as I did with left eye earlier awhile band had left me alone in the hallway; a snicker came over my face-how could I cause such a guy like him such fascination-it like as if he never seen a naked women. I almost wanted to burst out laughing but I didn't instead I swung my feet over the couch onto the floor with a hard thud, flipped my straightened hair to cover my face and zipped up my leather jacket.

Die: (Cough) (Wow, she changed style again, but even so I still think she's sexier in leather and cute in fur.) "We're about to practice, would you like to see us play? Maybe you can take some photos for _Haiiro no Ginka_."

Kyoko: (I glance at him beneath my smoking eyes shadow gaze. Actually that wasn't a bad idea either come from the mouth of the guy who annoyed me so far on the beginning of this tour.)

Die: (When did her eyes become so deep? I feel like I'm fallen into them-I can't look away even if it could be a menacing one.) O/o;

Kyoko: (I nodded and instantly grabbed my camera set down on the table.) I assume the others have finished as well.

Die: (She actually speaking to me in such a calm voice, its melodic even if she not singing the words. It strange how the reverberate in my body like ripples in pond. This my chance to show her my feelings are sincere but if I try to get her to face me by touching her; she'll probably snap. Ugh but how do I get her look at me when her gaze is always somewhere else. =( Why must it be like this…) Ugh-yes, there out waiting in the hall I believe.

Kyoko: Very well shall be going after all time is a precious thing that can never be replaced. (I walked toward the door until I was standing side by side to him. I turned to look at him directly in the face but I had to crane my neck up to look at him.)

Die: (This is my chance but I can't the guys are outside waiting and like she said time is precious.) "Ah~the door how rude of me…" (I laughed nervously under her gaze which switched to quizzed.) O/O; (I opened the door for her.)

Kyoko: (Why does he look at me like that?) (Looking out the hallway stood the other members.)

I walked ahead of Die, who still seemed to in some sort of trance, the others looked up and smiled except for Kyo; who was having the in-ear monitor box being trapped to his back leaving the ear buds hanging on around his neck. I suddenly looked at away at his shirtless form to set up my camera. Before I knew it I was lost in the couture of his body, how his spine slipped into down into his smooth skin like a snake in the hot desert sand. I found myself zooming in on the needled details imprinted on his skin. Suddenly he moved position; he smiled a small smile, at the site of my camera covering my face. Then I stirred my camera to the other members who were also inspiring poses. I took a few more moments taking photos until the manager called them from down the stairwell. Die-san came up from behind me and rushed to joining the others down the stairs ahead of me; I snapped another photo of them descending the stairs.

I walked away from behind them as they set themselves in their desired positions I on the other hand continued to remain on the cockpit floor. It wasn't that long before I was immersed in the realm behind the lenses and how it changed how I saw the show but there would be a time that I would find myself stop shooting pictures. I would just find myself being one with Kyo in moment along with the music falling away in the background I couldn't help but remember the scenes in the story I've written. Soon emotions pounding at me like the tsunami waves. The guys suddenly stopped playing with Die suddenly looking the expression engraved on my face. I smiled weakly in how seriously I took the story into being something so real. But in reality there was no emotions felt between me and Kyo. My heart sank deeper still in my chest, the pain shocked my body, yet I replaced the camera over my face again and snapped more photos as they placed their instruments away and walked off the stage. I soon found myself pacing the actual stage I took photos after photos in what I felt emotional connections to. The member's distant chatter became a hum as I finished my rounds on the empty stage still warm with their emotions. I stood in front of Kyo's microphone stand, I touched the hilt with my fingers playfully wrapping it with my small hands and I leaned on it like a cane and placed my eye level to the barrel of the microphone and watched the imaginary line splitting the arena. I closed my eyes, I felt every single emotion he left there unfinished into my body, reverberated through my being into the floor, the side walls, up to the window box above with the sound and lights control room behind it. I opened my eyes, to have Kyo met my gaze directly, and he stared into my eyes without looking away for awhile once more I felt my body sinking indefinitely into the blackness of night. I found my body instantly moving on its own will and took the photo of the members staring back at me like I've seen before in _Haiiro no Ginka. _I pulled away from the lenses, and asked them if they wanted separate shots they agreed happily- I snapped another 20-40 snaps of each of them in different areas of the empty stage but when I looked up another cameraman was talking photos of me so intently in my work. I tensed immediately at the realization until I heard his words, "You have such an interesting form in the way you move your body, it almost as if I'm photographing Kyo-kun except went I see you both in the same frame I realized it's a dance between two butterflies."

I instinctively pulled my eyes from the camera after examining my shots, I narrowed my eyes at the thought of comparison, my heart continued sink further deeper in the recesses of my body; I walked over to him and muttered the words of going over them and let the members sort out which ones would be used for the latest issue of _Ginka_. With that I left the camera in his hands I departed from him. His face was shocked to see disappoint in my eyes at his comment but he immediately set out in talking with the members. I climbed up the stairs and went pass the floor further up the building. I went all the way up to the roof. And there I stood getting all the free air I wanted, heaviness in my heart lifted slightly- I took a pack of Pocky from my pocket and began to eat at it. I walked around the roof of the building in the brisk night air see the city of Osaka from a different angel. I stopped glanced at my watch and realized the time was fast approaching. I went back down and sat down the flight of steps from which I came intersecting the stairs toward the stages level both one and two. Toshiya stopped and saw me and he sat down with me.

Toshiya: You're not use to those types of comments are you?

Kyoko:…..does it matter what they say about me or not? The only opinion in the end at times is mine alone.

Toshiya: That maybe so, but getting a little praised here and there, isn't that painful now is it?

Kyoko: No, it isn't it just….after not being seen by others for a long time its blindingly painful when your noted at last long after your hope in it as long since fled.

Toshiya: I can understand that. But it's also good to see the beauty in one's self as well as the bad.

Kyoko: I suppose so, male flattery is something I don't get often…it's the opposite of that I'm so used to.

Toshiya: Your past binds you?

Kyoko: …..doesn't everybody's?

Toshiya: If it's something I'm willing to get to me yeah sure. But it can be overcome. Don't stay in the cocoon if your desire is to fly with the others you wish to be with.

Kyoko: O.o; (Did he see right through me! Does he know of my feelings for-Kyo…)

Toshiya: You have such ambition, a day dreamer like you can't simply stop day dreaming, an author simply doesn't stop writing just like that there has to be a reason to everything. I may not know the reason why but don't wait too long or you'll never get the chance. Take it now that it's so close.

Kyoko: (No he didn't know….) If only it was easy as you say it is…but I understand clearly.

Toshiya: (Got up and walked down the stairs.) Come we start in ten….

I followed him and before you know it the others stood in the circle waiting for Toshiya to complete the group huddle and there I stood on the side lines looking in like always. The cameraman came by with my camera; he whispered to me, the same thing Kyo asked earlier if I was a professional. I smiled softy and whispered back the same answer. He also told me of the group's decision for it to be placed in collaboration photo book for the campaign. I nodded and the group's break chant was spoken and they made their way to the cheering crowds below that could be heard from where I stood. I walked behind them and I stopped at the noticing of rolling camera men for their DVDs. I steered clear of the frames and headed to the bridges used by the sound and light crews. The door creaked shut and I walked across the metal bridge that squeaked light under my weight but I hurried across the top unnoticed by the crows, camera men, or the band for that matter. Throughout the night I snapped never before angels like that of bird's eye of the band below and the pumped crowds. Eventually I came down earlier before the show to get a better view of the band emerged in the crowds and of course protected by guards. I placed my lenses back over my face possible for the second to the last time that night and keep my pace with the members at the ecstatic crowds. Each of the members stopped me after awhile looking the crowds hair enough, I snap at the notation of their faces and Kyo's simply kept himself emerged in his own world but it didn't matter I knew he felt my presence along with thousands of others. Once I felt the end, I moved away quickly from the crowds and jumped over the security barricade with easy. The fans have yet to realize who I was or who I would become.

The actual hired cameraman came by my side was once again shocked by my newly taken photographs and said I took some sides he never thought of photographing. I nodded; I felt my body beginning to tire. I found all of the members exhausted sitting down relaxing their bodies, drinking alcohol, smoking, getting massages for their tired muscles. I sat down next to Kaoru, he offered me alcoholic beverage but I refused, and the he handed me a cigarette, which I took and light with his lighter. I smoked at it for quite some time letting the smoke cover my body-thinking on Kaoru's part. I noted that the members were looking at me as they wanted me to say something. Die broke the stare was beginning to irritate me.

Die: Wow, I didn't think you would smoke the whole thing! O.o?! (Fuck why I did say such a stupid thing in front of her?!)

Kyoko: (I looked at the dwindling cigarette bud in my hand. He was right~ I shouldn't have smoked the whole thing if Han found out I was smoking again she would kill me. But for some odd reason I laughed a small true laugh at the thought.) Fuck-I just quitted smoking to. But the fact almost all of you smoke here it's going to be hard for me to stay off of it. Now you see why I'm addicted to sweets to override the smoking habit. That leaves me to go get more Pocky. (And with that I got up to get more.)

Kaoru: When did you start smoking?

Kyoko: 15.

Kaoru: Yup I figured. (Those two are one and the same. It's amazing they didn't meet sooner. But then again their both half way across the world-he came to her by a chance and she came to him by the determination of her dream.)

Die: Figured what?

Kaoru: Nothing.

Die: Seriously what?! (He knew something and was hiding something from me about her.)

Kaoru: Nothing, Die, quite your fuss. (I have a feeling he's going to be problem for them for a long time.)

I walked the hall and knocked on the door, Kyo got up to answer, he looked at me for a moment. He moved away on his quick moving slender framed body, letting me through, I walked toward my bag again a dug out two pack box of Pocky. I sat down on the other end of couch and stared to eat at them to remove the cigarette smell from my breath a little bit. He watched me for a second for two.

Kyo: I saw the photos you took of the practice session; you always seem to capture something different in every shot like your trying to preserve the emotions once felt.

Kyoko: (I stopped munch and I swallowed whatever I had in my mouth quickly. I almost choked at the fact.) (I managed a nod.)

Kyo: I've actually considered picking up photography as a hobby. Your photographs reminded me of that. I was wondering if I could see them once more.

Kyoko: (I stopped staring at my box of sweets for a moment at the request and interest in his voice just like he had with my story.) "Of course-maybe if we stop somewhere I can get them developed right away."

With that I quickly got shoved at the remaining broken pieces of Pocky in my mouth, munched away, and threw the empty bag in the trash with an air dunk. Placing the remaining packet in the box on the table, I turned on my camera again and browsed back to the snaps before the concert. He quietly came to my side with footsteps softened by the carpet. He stood a little while before grabbing the tilted camera facing him. I removed my hands before he accidentally touched them, a very faint smile of remembrance spread thinly across his face, he grabbed the camera firmly in his hands, his shoulder brushed against mine as he pointed out the ones he favored of himself. He talked about the reasons why he liked some but the ones he favored he wanted them to be printed out. I found myself trying to focus on the photos for future reference but my mind kept slipping into the smoothly rich voice that sent my heart pounding. While I trying to calm down my speeding heart and slight itched breathing Kyo examined the other photos of the live then went back in showing me once more the ones he likes from the live tonight. Suddenly he asked the question if I could show him in how to use my camera. I turned to face him as he returned my camera; I didn't know what to say for this would require moments alone for the lessons yet I remember what Toshiya said earlier "you're a daydream who can't stop dreaming." When will I stop daydreaming of being with Kyo and actually make this dream into reality my mind shouted angrily at me for pausing. And without a hesitation that other side took over me and replied without my consent, "Sure, whenever you're free; how about showing you the basics so you can start away on this. But let me switch memory cards just in case you make a mistake and possibly delete all my photos."

He smiled playfully, like he wanted to delete all of my photos. So moving from his side again I fished out my basket purse another memory card. Kyo stood there patiently while my camera reconfigured itself with the empty memory card. I stood there with head buried in the camera operating system making sure every function worked that I didn't notice that Kyo had walked behind me a few centimeters from my body looking over my shoulder to see my rapid movement of fingers. He suddenly placing his arms floating above mine grabbed his hands over mine and took hold of the camera.

"Ah~," my mind froze for a second; I couldn't remember what I was going to say to him. All I could register in my mind was the warmth of his hands and the fact that his breath was brushing against my shoulder. I felt my body leaning to the right to get away from it but his hand remained firm on mine. Had Kyo finally removed his sheep's skin to reveal that he indeed as the only big bad wolf?!

"So if I wanted to take a photo of this room, what are some of the ways that would change the effect on emotion on people who see it," he asked, brushing my finger aside a little.

"Okay, well one way is that you could," my mind ran blank again his voice was so close to my ear like a solo part in a song. I once more strained to focus again at the possibilities for his question. Then once more a part of me came bursting through, "you could take the photo in an angel for instance like slanted, or changed the color to monochrome, infrared. But also you can try to see from what the person is seeing like when I stood in front of the microphones I guess at possible angel you could be looking at yet never did look at. But since you're the photographer it's up to you want you want to pull through the lens, what to change in any way possible either by editing it or leaving it untouched by your presence."

"So, either by changing the functions of the camera when taking the shot just like any other camera, or editing it on special programs on computer," he said lifting the camera from my hands at last unbinding me from him. How badly I wanted to sigh in relief but he was still right behind me locking with his arms so I still wasn't exactly home free.

"Yes, exactly," I said nervously wanting to get of this situation my bold self put me in.

"What would be a good photograph subject," he asked, pulling away removing the camera away from in front of me and lifted it above my head. I backed away slowly to turn and face him. He was familiarizing himself with the zooming function on the camera, which was pointing directly at me. "Now that I think about it I'll choose you as a subject; since it could be a way to repay for the prints."

I raised a brow at the thought, me you can't be serious, I almost wanted to burst out laughing but I didn't, I said my honest opinion, "you don't have too you know, plus I'm not photogenic, trust me if you take one now I'll come out horrible as a pretty model when she wakes up without makeup or worse; I probably show up as a ghost or a witch."

Kyo laughed a small laugh, "I've never met a girl who didn't like her photo being taken consider some one as fashionable as you."

I made another distrusting face at him I kept silence and boldly snatched the camera from his hand switching the memory card out of it and replaced it with previous one.

"You don't believe me, do you," he said almost teasingly at me.

I closed my eyes, my teeth clenched hard in my mouth, I know Kyo didn't mean any harm in his words but I couldn't help but feel the anger boiling up inside me again- the pain resurfaced from the creative ways men can tell lies. I breathed out a long exhaled breath. "Fine-just do whatever you want. I shouldn't be telling you what you can or can't do after all your going to do whatever you like anyway. Just keep in mind that if you do decide taking the photos take them when I'm not paying attention."

Kyo eyes soften suddenly he must have heard the angered tension in my voice. "Tell me why I always see two girls fighting constantly within your eyes," he took his hand and point directly at my chest lightly flicking the breast plate beneath my clothes.

I swallowed painfully; he saw right through me but was it that obvious right now? My eye widen in pure fear it suddenly felt like Little Red Riding Hood had her masking cape removed exposing her complete ready to be eaten alive by this hungry wolf!

"Who are you really? Are you the girl who is sweet like milk chocolate covered strawberries and dresses in natural colored colors with faux fur or dark chocolate covered black cherries who dresses in hickory smokes leather?" And with that he moved so fast that I was caught within his grasp again. One hand held my left like in a waltz and the other around my slender neck. Before I knew it he pended me to the ground with his body hovering above me, he sniffed at my perfume, and said to be as he laid his forehead against mine, "aren't you going to tell me?"

I closed my eyes, trying not to shed any tears in front of him because I truly didn't know the answer! But when I opened them he was still standing there looking at me as if I looked ill. I realized my mind and had shut down again and made a hallucination to cope with the stress. I closed my eyes and pinched the top of the bridge of my nose again and said, "I'm sorry what did you just ask me again? My mind just shut down on me again."

His gaze softened even more, "I said that I'll think of capturing the two sides of you that I can see from your change of fashion, it's a very interesting one, I can't wait to see what other Japanese fashion you like. Because it seems that you're a very well rounded person. That way I won't focus in on your face if that's what making you uncomfortable in taking photos of you. But I don't see why not if you have an ideal '_kawaii_' face to Japanese girl standards. The small forehead, nice shape wide eyes but they still retain some almonds shape to them, plus your hair is long which is common in the _hime-kei_ (princess style)."

I look up at him with apologetic gaze, I'm must have been very tired to hallucinate something like that and to get angry at him for some stupid photographs of myself.

Kyoko: Well, in that case, just take them however you like, it your photographs; just a little over the edge must be from exhaustion; I didn't mean to seem angry at you or anything.

Kyo: No, I'll respect your wishes. After all I was the same way at first. You should sit down then and finish those sweets of yours.

Kyoko: (I obeyed him and hastily began eating again after giving myself such a scare. He sat down with a little closer this time but still pretty far. I turned to face him again and asked if he wanted one in_ macha_ flavor.)

Kyo: Let me guess you have all the flavors in that tiny basket?

Kyoko: No, but I could have them all-so you do or don't want one?

Kyo: Don't bother getting up; I'll just take one from the one you got. (He took one and eats it slowly.)

I rested for awhile before standing up, the noise outside the room was getting more hectic by the second. Kyo looked like he was about to fall asleep on the couch but I soon realized that he wasn't asleep when I walked pasted the mirror and look at the outfit that I wore in today sitting on the hanger. I grabbed it again, and thought back at my hallucination, who was I really? When will I finally get rid of this hidden veil of deceit and show everyone including who I really was. Maybe in the all thoughts he thinks of is in who I really am. Then as I reached for the door, Die-kun, showed up outside.

Die: Excuse me, but you better change quickly the Manager just announced the tour bus is loaded with almost everything except for what's in this room. You go on ahead and Kyo and I will catch up with you later.

I walked out a bit confused nonetheless but as I walked down the hall in to the restroom to change I thought about the pictures of me taken by the cameraman and which one out of those did Kyo liked of me. While I changed quickly I suddenly realized my sweet outfit and heavy make up from my previous outfit mixing together at once and thought is what the fused outlook will looks like? The comments Kyo made about my face came rushing back send a blush so hot to my face. Then I remembered I had to hurry in getting my things that would be going with me to the tour bus instead of the storage trucks following behind us. Bursting out of the room, I began to dodge and swivel between people in getting my things; I suddenly I found the members starting at me as if they never seen anyone do that before. I completely stopped with the things I needed in my hands and turned to look at them.

Toshiya: (Smiled and laughingly said.) Wow, just how amazing is that, to know that another person besides Kyo-kun who can move that fast without touching people.

Shinya: Small people are gifted with fast reflexes plus I've read that Hispanic or Mexican descended persons who are darker skin like hers for example have more Indian blood running through her veins which makes even more notable.

Kyoko: O.o? (Say what now?)

Die: Does this mean that there a possibility that this kirei of a girl happen to be native Indian warrior princess of Mexico like the Aztecs or Mayan or Inca?! Wow, now that's a type of girl I haven't dated yet an exotic type.

Kyoko: (Did he say exotic or erotic?!) O.o;?! Egh~

Kaoru: Please pay no attention to him. He's just sexually deprived. (Laughing lightly)

Kyoko: Wait? What? X.x; That's bad right?

Kyo: If you don't know how to masturbate then yes you can say that. (He smiles a devilish smile.) ;)

Kyoko: Masturbation? X.x…What's Shinya-san talking about fast reflexes? (Oh God what have I done?!)

Toshiya: Hey Die-san if you're having trouble I have some magazine's that might help! ;)

Shinya: Now not a good time to talk about this. (covers my ears)

Explicit talk continues…..But then ends all them ended up laughing either about some inside joke or at Die-san who was blushing wildly but he took seemed to be enjoying except me. This was also one of the reason why I didn't like men sometimes I simple couldn't understand them. I sat down browsing through the photos of the cameraman took of me and I pondered further on asking myself the same question that have been pestering the whole time since I've arrived in Osaka. Without really thinking I hooked a USB connection to both cameras and transferred the photos of the girl, who was supposedly me, into mine that hung over my neck. The cameraman smiled happily at the discovery of me doing this-my face held the blank feeling that I felt in my heart. I practically jumped up at the site of the manager walking toward us as he announced that it was time for us to depart. Once more in unison, all of us gathered our things and walked down the flight of steps, past the stage, and once more into the brisk night air. But the fur in my poncho kept me warm but I wish I could say that for my legs. The lady was there standing in front of us in the middle of the door of the bus. I frowned at the site of her standing, why couldn't she just move so we can get on and start driving to wherever the next destination was?! Can't she see the guys already get tired but most of all I'm tired as fuck and I really want to sleep and forget about everything!

Lady: Have you ever been on a tour bus, Miss Nishimura?

Kyoko: No the closest thing would be a shuttle bus across the Texas border into Mexico. Not the comfiest way to sleep either when the bus is so damn cold but then again was the summer then.

Lady: Well since we usually travel with just five members we had to order a special bus just to accommodate you! (Alas she moved out of the way.)

The guys allowed to walk ahead of them, wish I did quickly and without any hesitation something I wished I could have done all day. The tour bus was spacious enough to barely have two people squeeze through the buck bed section. But it had a bathroom with an actual shower, a living/kitchen area, cabinets for storage the buck bed area I mention and of course the driver in the front and his bed down below the truck for when he pulled over at a rest stop. I saw what they had done they added a hanging buck bed accessible only rope latter or by climbing on the top buck of one side to get to it that way.

The guys followed behind me and stared at it with me.

Kyoko: You don't think that's dangerous for me to sleep in? What happens if I have use the restroom and if I climb down in the middle of the night and my foot gets stuck in the rope latter! Then I have to ask either one of the guys to hold me up so I get up there or to bring me down. What can't I just to sleep on the couch it doesn't really bother me to sleep there.

Lady: O /\ o! (She gave me look at as if I tore a check in front of her face.) Are sure is that what you want to do? I mean the bed is much more comfortable then the couch. (She then gave me the look of being cheap or shameful in putting myself in such a standard.)

Kyoko: Look, I think it's best you just remove what's installed there, save yourself the money and let me sleep on the couch. I've shared a room with two brothers almost all my life I can manage thank you very much for your consideration.

Shinya: Well we could share a bed with someone to make room for you. I don't think it's right for you to sleep on the couch.

Kaoru: He's right, you're a lady after all and our guest on this tour, plus Kyoto is a little ways from here.

Die: She can share mine with me! You'll never be cold! ^^

Kyoko: Egh?! Are you out of your fucking mind! (I'll never sleep in the same bed as you!)

Toshiya: Keep your pants on, lover boy! There's no way we'll let it come down with that.

Kyo: Just let her sleep on the couch like she wants, we'll rearrange some other day.

Everyone agreed with Kyo's opinion on the subject all except for Die, who was throwing a fit about not sharing a bed with me. I quickly got into the bathroom before the Lady could subject any further into similar sleeping gown I wore yesterday.

Die: You're seriously going to sleep in that? (Aw, I want to see her in something cute like today's earlier outfit or something little revealing.)

Guys: DIE! SHUT THE FUCK UP OR WE'LL KILL YOU!

Die: Sheesh, I would just figure she would wear something cute to sleep don't all girls wear cute bed wear. But anyway you still look kirei to me.

Kaoru: You haven't figured out by now that she's isn't a typical normal girl you're so used to dating?!

Kyoko: X /\ x; (Oh, how I'm really going to wish to kill you in your sleep with a kitchen knife!)

Die: Can't a guy dream?!

GUYS: NO! NOW GO TO SLEEP!

Shinya: I've made it as comfortable as I possibly could for you. (Smile)

Kyoko: You shouldn't have; really, I've slept in the living room before but thank you.

Before turning off the lights I saw the guy's position on the buck beds. Die was the top buck on then left with Kaoru underneath, Toshiya in the way back; Shinya on the top right and Kyo on the bottom right directly across from me so that I turned slightly to the right I could see his sleeping face. Before I knew it I didn't have time to think about anything I soon fast asleep to the hum of the tour bus on the open road to Kyoto.


	4. Episode 4: Kyoto City of Temples

Episode 4: Kyoto, City of Temples; How I see you.

5:00 am was what my blurry eyes read from the clock floating somewhere in the room as my mind swam in trying to recollect itself back together. Dawn was rising over the purple distant mountains that surrounded Kyoto from all sides. I slowly got up ever so quietly across the small hallway to pour hot water boiling for coffee in which to wake the driver for my hot chocolate. I hastily blew and drank the extremely hot brew. It was going to be hot longer after we drove away past the sea coastal city of Osaka in the Kansai area of Japan.

It made me consider the outfit I had to wear once more it turned out to be cute, light, and airy like under a butterfly's wing. It was a spaghetti strap top one piece dress that scrunched at my hips to form a fluffy skirt like bottom as if to create the illusion of a two piece set yet again from Lisa Liz. The silhouette it made my hips look at bigger then what they where along with my flat stomach which was the only good thing I found on the upper part of my body besides my small feet. I grew tired of fumbling with the outfit in the bathroom. I looked at my face; after I repeated scrubbed at my imperfections then I remembered what Kyo had said. I dropped my gaze from my mirror to sink then at my makeup bag. Is this how I want Kyo to view me as this type of girl? Am I really this sweet or am I bitter I said picking up the brush to tame my wild hair. Which is it?

Then I realized, I am a butterfly-that is what my names means, and even though butterflies have dark colors they also can have light colors-they can both be life giving or death in meaning. So it didn't matter what style I choose it still represented me because it was something I liked and that was all that truly mattered in the end. So more I did my dark smoky shades of eyeliner and shadow with a mixture of soft yet notable shade of purple, which matched the color of the one piece again. I looked at my natural skinned legs and shuddered-so I put on nude panty hose yet I guess it had to do. Since I was going to be covering lots of ground today I put on black creepers. As for my hair I simple straightened on my hime bangs, tie it halfway into a butterfly knot at the back with a butterfly hair clip, and left the rest curly. Once more I sprayed lightly so that it would soon fade away when the boys came in. I looked further in my stuff fished out a leopard print skin skirt that was not was puffy as some ballerina skirts I've seen in shining gold and leather corset leggings with studded on the knees taking the nude ones off; grabbed a studded belt to wrap around, some leather gloves with zippers on them, and a leather jacket to cover my exposed arms. I put on other jewelry both sweet and bitter with the same theme of butterfly and wild cat. Placed my sunglasses on and some long hanging visual kei earrings and cared all my stuff out of the bathroom into a cabinet the corner in the kitchen.

I looked at the clock again, it was 5:45. I took out my laptop, a piece of paper, and wrote down all the places I was going to be today that I was going to take pictures of. On the piece of paper I wrote this: _To Kyo, I don't know what your plans are today but if you have the time call me 01-951-0540 once you've read this. I left the blank memory card for you and asked the camera guy to leave his camera for you. I'll call you once I get to these locations so you can shoot me; I've given myself a time frame in how much time I'll be at each other because I'll already been to most of them before in earlier trips. But at the end of the day I hope to get the photos developed from last night. –Kyoko _

I folded the piece of paper along with the list of site with the times on them I inserted carefully the memory card. And wrote his name on the front, I felt embarrassed after staring at it-it was also like a love letter (Ai Tegami) pushing that aside I got my camera and a chained that clipped on my studded belt. I walked to the door ready to leave when I looked back the guys sleeping soundly my heart skipped a beat see Kyo asleep he seemed so peaceful without a worry on his shoulders. With that I turned away, pushed opened the door and closed it leaving it all to destiny if we should meet.

I looked around me; the bus was parked in front of Kyoto Tower/Hotel, right next to the Kyoto Station which was also a mall but it was still early for the mall to be open. So I decided to one of the oldest streets of Kyoto where I heard there was a really good café; I probably eat something there before heading anywhere else. Before I knew it was the sun rose over head; and photo kept pouring into my camera as if it was the first time I took everything. Kyoto was a place I found true peace of mind and found my heart fully immersed into its beauty.

Meanwhile back the tour bus….6:30 am

Die: She's-GONE?! (Why must she always disappear when I have free time or be with someone else when I'm busy?)

Kaoru: (Walks out of the bathroom fully dressed for an interview) she told the driver she wanted some sites of Kyoto she couldn't get to last time. She left pretty early before six o' clock this morning.

Die: I couldn't even get tell her good morning, how beauty she looks with the rising sun as back dropped for her beautiful wings. I wonder what kind of outfit she wore today.

Shinya: She also told the cameraman that she'll be bringing back some sweets for us.

Die: She talks with the cameraman but not me?! (I though she hated the cameraman?)

Toshiya: Wow, that girl really likes sweets; I wonder how many times she has to go to the dentist? But hey she just as sweet as the sweets she eats!

Kaoru: (Walks to the kitchen table and notices the left note and the camera.) Has anyone seen Kyo-kun?

Guys: He stepped out to have a quick smoke, why?

Kaoru: Nothing-just asking (slips note it into the jacket pocket and grabs the camera.) Hey I'm going to step out and give back the camera the cameraman he must have been nervous around Murakami-san after all she does tend to change attitudes un-intentionally.

Die: O.o? (Did that piece of paper say Kyo-kun? Was that Murakami-chan handwriting?! What's going on here?! What is Kaoru hiding?!)

Kyo: (lends his body of the cold metal of the tour bus fully dressed; turns at the site of Kaoru walking out of the tour bus. Smiles at him, a soft good morning, exhale a cloud of cigarette smoke.)

Kaoru: Hey she left this for you- figure you know what to do with this? (Hands him the camera.)

Kyo: (Grabs the camera from and smile gently in remembrance)

Kaoru: This as well…(hands him the letter and walks away from Kyo toward the hotel to speak with the manager.)

Kyo: ? (Reads the note, plunks the memory card from the note inserts in the camera, folds the note and places it in his pocket.) Let see if I can capture you…the real you, this fluttering purple swallowtail. (Kneels down and burns out the cigarette bud.)

I walked down the streets of Kyoto, try to find Murakami amongst the masses of people, to the first location on the map-I didn't have to wait long until I felt the buzz of my cell phone in my pocket to know that she had just reached the location. I got the camera ready before stepping into the oldest temple in Kyoto over 1,000 years old. It was long before I spotted her, she was just about at tall most Japanese girls, with about the same body weight, she has everything that most girls would die for- small forehead, nicely shaped eye that retained an almond shape that most Asian have, but the color was a nice dark shade of brown-like dark chocolate batter- soft refined cheek bones, she had a small mouth-her teeth where perfect but not many people do, her hair was similar but not exactly, as for skin-it was the only thing that gave her away as I caught the side of her face-the exact shade of beige or bronze something like I didn't bothered to look at make-up bottles, small quiet feet, and hidden tender hands . Her voice was uniquely foreign even if she speaks like native the exact tone of in general wasn't Japanese it was a lovely sound when she read from the book from evoked emotions I never thought you could produce while reading but this something she enjoyed doing by all the work I saw her put into it; but I have yet to hear her speak English or Spanish for that matter. I continued to follower her, she had noticed anything at all she was so busy taking photos of her own to even care, she shot one for two there of something I didn't know exactly what but whatever it was I would see later.

She moved rather quickly through the complex even though it was rather large, she would stop at snap many angels of certain constructed part of the temple, try to get every detail almost as if she knew she would forget it how it looked. She pulled away and turned directly to face me, I froze thinking she saw me she didn't, I saw her expression it that of calm and almost happy yet her facial expression blurred it as she didn't know how or gave the wrong one- I wondered why was it that she could be what she felt? Her outfit was a fused one, it matched her very well-I noticed that she was a girl who loved many things so many that it was hard for her to decide on what to with that part of herself. I loved how she expressed herself in the things she did then rather saying it-almost like a male but then again maybe it wasn't the right time for her yet to express such things about herself, she maybe feel herself as a stranger. But there is certain glitter in her eyes at time when she looked at me but it would soon fade-most girl's eye glitter but it's smothered down to almost nothing. I haven't even really seen her smile like most girls or even laugh-she really wasn't act the normal ways of girl. Instead she was more like "My Way!"

I snapped the camera capturing her fluid moments, she really she seemed fragile, like glass with one wrong touch and she'll shatter with her pieces shattered everywhere or like a butterfly being chased by a cat. I capture her hands, feet-the things she held dearly where meant her hands, her feet the path she chooses to walk on. She took lots of pictures of the temple, but she took part in doing the customary rituals quiet well, and then she actually sat down to pray not to say a Christian prayer I thought she would in English but instead she sang a mantra is Sanskrit to Kannon! That's when I felt her truly calm and a little happier- her singing voice sounded quite well then what I had expected it to be made me wonder.

But I soon had to depart for there was only one exit from the temple inner sanctum. I looked at the next place on her list; it was a shop that sold Kitsune (fox) shaped items. So I went ahead and left the temple to beat her to the shop but I slowed down to see if I could find a hiding spot, the alley way, before I knew I hid within the niche of an abandon doorway. I felt a strange adrenaline rush through my body, as if I was watching over a secret love from afar, yet she so close to me I practically grab her drag her down to ground give her all the love I wanted to encase her forever to my side. I laughed at the thought, this was actually fun, before I knew I found myself chasing the fluttering hem of her skirt! She stood there at the center store floor and examined the best way to take her photos-masks, sweets, and other motifs bearing the guardian of the temple we just left. She went to the cashier and bought things I didn't bother to look at and decided to hide again; she came walking out with a Kitsune waffle shaped sweet, I watched how she ate it quickly and delicate smile came spreading across her face.

Once more she picked up speed, while still munching on her sweet, the next place on her list a stationary shop. As an author I think it's essential for her to buy whatever she needs from the place. All the pictures she took at this place was the entrance of the shop, she went on it busy and carefully looked at the stationary paper, fountain pens, notepads, book marks, etc. She look concentrated as if she was typing at her computer, it reminded in how focused we could be in recording, I snapped more photos thru the glass window pane. The zooming range on this camera was a blessing I could take photos as if I was standing right next to her but in reality I was sort of far away. I ducked away knowingly that she would soon walk out of the store toward another part of town.

I was following her in a somewhat lonely street, which made me nervous for her to hear my feet behind her but I realized that earphones where inside her ears now. She stopped in front of an alleyway junction-there came a cat warmly meowing at her presence. She instantly walked toward it, took off her gloves, to pet the yellow and white cat. Her eyes instantly glittered like stars, she made those comments that normal girls would make to something cute-so she is normal- she started to talk to it. I took photos quickly of her immersed interaction with life. But suddenly she stopped to take photos of it herself. I knew I had to hide again, fuck this going to be tiring, but I managed to sneak past her again. My heart once more sent pounding; I turned my head behind the cover and spotted her she walked down the street once more turned right and was gone. I took my hands over my face the scratched at my head, rested and got up again. Where to next, time is already slipping away from you and I'm even closer then you think.

The buzzing to my cell came through the threads of my pants again. I looked at my list given to me again-heian kyo kimono shop; the ones where you could try them on. Interesting enough I myself never been inside one but I had my fair share of wearing kimono. I took a shorter route then the one I knew she had taken, to avoid the lonesomeness of the street or the crowdies of them not to mention the lack of cover. This time I'm going to take a different approaching in capturing your emotions-seduction of the ancient is something I found interesting. Not to mention all my fans are somewhere deep down truly hentai.

I walked to down the kimono shop that she would soon be coming to; I walked down casual to the girl standing at the counter and told her the both truth and lies. She blushed instantly under my whim; I smiled as tenderly as possible- she bit into it my plan and fell right through. And I walked passed her into the studio rooms beyond, I then talked with cameraman and simply told him that my client, who was a foreign model, would be arriving shortly to have her picture taken in kimono that I chose to suitable for her. And that she requested that I take her photo without her noticing but since I couldn't let her known this I decided to secretly be a male model prop to take photos of her in the manner I wanted them. The man nodded, and led me into room to dress in one the outfits they had available. I dressed in red higanbana, gold Karasu, and sliver moon kimono in deepest black. And looked at the masks in which to cover my face with-Oni, Karasu, or Kitsune? Kitsune and instantly placed the masked one as I stepped out of the room, the girl I had talked to earlier ushered Murakami-san into another room to be full dressed as a princess of the imperial court. She didn't note me at all-she looked as if something long made her fearful of men. The cameraman, looked at me, I handed the camera to him he took graciously.

Now let's see how you do if I gave you a different kind of attention, the kind that other girls dreamed of getting from me, I want to see what your hiding from Die-kun.

I stand there smoking on a wooden pipe, creating a haze throughout the room, she walked in hallway a stunning beauty, is even knew that herself I didn't know; leave it to Die-san to find all the beautiful women. She stood there in the hallway, her silhouette, behind the outer wall of the washi screen. I watched her small movements from behind her she struggled to move in the multi colored, twelve layered robes; I lay relaxed as could be on the tatami mats, with soft cushioned pillows beneath me, macha tea hot brewed with a delicate traditional Kyoto sweet I knew she'll be craving later for. She slowly fluttered in the room, her dark brown hair hidden beneath realist wig-designed in the hime style in black as the kimono I wore, her hair adorned with kananzashi that meiko and geiko wore was that of false flowers of wisteria, cherry blossom, and plum, that jiggle and glittered with the reflection lantern lights, her face was covered in slight white power making her seem like a spirit of the dead. Her outermost kimono was a certain purple only for royals covered in dancing swallowtail butterflies. She looked at me at one and the look on her face was stunning confused I found it amusing that she didn't know it was me- I had to use ninja hand binds to cover my tattoos and I painted my over my tattoo on my neck into something she wouldn't recognized. Plus the lightening the room was low. I extended my hand to her, she looked back at the cameraman he gave her a warm smile; she hesitantly gave me her small fragile tender hand. I took it, squeezed like I presumably did years before, and pulled slightly toward me but too much to where she won't stubble.

Instantly I had her sitting beautiful like a glass doll next to me; I handed her a small cup of match with her slightly shaking hands she took it.

Kyoko: (His grip on my hands it's so similar to Kyo-san's. Yet this masked model couldn't possibly be him this would be too direct on his part plus I haven't even seen him once the entire day!) (Hastily I took the cup which shook but I had to control this I didn't want to spill on the kimono!) O/o;

I felt a smile sprawling across my face behind the mask, I took my own cup and together we drank mockingly portrayed drinking tea. The cameraman took a shot of this, I set my down, while she whisperingly blew at hers creating a pout shaped 'o' to form on her lips. I instantly lifted my hand to her face, the right side of her cheek I brushed my fingers pretending to wipe away the impurity of a single drop of tea that didn't exist. She shuddering sending the vibration of her shiver into my body-why did she coward so horribly under male physical contact? It fascinate me that she coward before me even if I never really shown her the ugliest part of me. I continued to caresses her face take in the details of the texture of her soft skin painted white and the emotions that constantly ripped in her eyes. This is what I wanted to capture by the camera, the emotions that can co-exists within this girl's eyes that drove me to such measure just to capture it. She finally had the courage to cast my hand aside from her face; she drank more tea to quench her dried throat-the nervousness within girls body and yet to whined into complete passiveness something else I want to capture the helplessness in a wounded soul finally break.

I felt as if I was looking at myself through someone else, how many times have I gave myself into feeling the pleasures of a women's warmth because I couldn't find anyone to love me for who I truly was, this ugly rusted red winged moth. I turned once more to the side grabbed the plum flavor shaped sweet into my fingers, I took my left hand caressed that side of her face then trails my fingers unto the tiny lips on her begotten face managed to find a way inside the cavern of her mouth with my other hand I gently plopped the sweet in I let her tongue lick my finger before it closed shut she needlessly devoured the sweet. In the distant back ground the cameraman took so many intense emotion filled photo of her and I. I felt my heart rushing more blood into every part of my body that touched her that tingle every nerve leaving them numb with her warmth. Her eyes rippled even more yet she didn't tear they just glisten, the tears simply pooling at the ridges of the water line in her eyes yet I saw something else even deeper that lied with her dilated eyes-what was it?

She placed her visible trembling hand in front of her mouth as if this action was going to save her from the mask fox demon? This delicate butterfly goddess was lured by the very nectar of the forbidden peach blossom-that would bear the fruit between life and death. And I was this tree's guardian and she was offered as wife by the disgustingly pathetic mortals asking for redemption from the Gods into giving them once the fruit for immortality. But the question was what shall I do to this poor maiden who was so helplessly lost? Shall I eat her flesh which would kill the remaining human race in desperate need of the peaches, shall I steal a kiss from her healing all my flesh wounds the same way she foolishly drank the nectar unable to returned to the human world but forever in the land of aimless spirits, or shall I bed her and receive unlimited raw power amongst all other demonic clans also wanting her?

I lingered deciding on what to do while smoking once more on the pipe filled with rich tobacco. The camera man kept snapping photos like if the scene was to dissipate in front of him anytime soon. I glance back Murakami she practically hide her completely face with the sleeves of the kimono, you know a simple piece of cloth won't save you yet I'm not going to devour your body so hastily that would be rude on my part; a butterfly after all is very delicate.

I took her small hands hidden amongst the sleeves and pulled them out grabbing the clasped hands with her finger folded inward onto the middle of my chest-to show her that I wasn't a being cold I had a buried beneath the multitude of sacred flesh yet my heart existed and had been cruel been played with. For that I beckoned her to stand slightly even under all the heavy weight of the silk fabric that shivering glimmer of the precious metals in the thread. She stood up shaking yet I held her I spread her arms out wide, her wings spreading showing me every single color of her wings-the very essence of her soul, I steadily walked behind her taking her hands in mine to form an oddity of a waltz; taking the very phrase of the cameraman that night to life! Please dance for me, dance for me little butterfly, fluttering your wings, and shine your colors for me; for I the master of your heart commands it for I shall never be as beautiful as you.

In silence I kept this words shouting in my mind but with my body; I swung my body gracefully in front of her still clinging to her hands I bowed gracefully like a gothic Englishmen. I laughed at the length I went to into get her emotions I so hungrily ate off of. She stunningly not yet frozen by the cruelty of my nature, not yet knowing what her fate was to be underneath my gaze, she came closer to me as I stood up to my height it was then that I mesmerized this butterfly with my scent of sweet nectar she delectably tasted awhile still feeling the remembered texture of her tongue on my fingers. She looked deep into my eyes more intensity then before then the emotions before- I didn't understand it burned like untamed fire that spread across my rusted red wings that I hadn't know were set a blazed until I made the move to remove this butterfly precious gem colored wings for my own!

Sliding my hands from hers I grabbed her wrists pulled her so close I practically smelled the perfume she sprayed that I vaguely smelled that night we shared that room-how long has it been since I've been with a women or better yet lived with one? My hands simply moved on their own remembering a time so distant like the soft glow of the lantern that burned out so instantously cruel. Her hands where now at my hips, I blended in closer toward the kill my long snouted nosed mouth open ready to lick away at her neck; but even if I gave into my male hormones the mask I wore of my prohibited me from doing so plus this act was something I never really planned on doing. I let the mask brush against her skin; I knew instinctively now that I had frozen her completely, in amber the blood that oozed from my burning wings, I knew it wasn't long before I was to dye away like the embers of the fire in the lantern.

Instantously as I pulled my head back to keep her entranced with my eyes, I slipped my foot behind her amongst the massive layers of cloth the actual contact of skin between our legs sent her down into her death realizing that the beautiful colored wings powered into dust even though poisonous to me it left her flightless. It would be long before she broke like glass encased by my amber blood. I dropped her to the flat on the ground, the clashing metal from the hair ornaments broke this reality to her but it was too late my body weigh her down even if I didn't touch her any further by the means of skin except for pining her arms to the side above her head. And there I finally got what I wanted the breaking of a wounded soul! Her face painted like of glass doll shattered inlaid with thousands of cracks it was irreparable. Her eyes crashed like the roaring waves of the darkest blue waters of the Pacific and the storm overhead could no longer hold back the torrents of rain; tears finally broke away from her eyes down the sides of her face.

Kyoko: (Please this can't be happen; my nightmare shouldn't be happening! I don't want to! This isn't right!) (For the first I let my tears of everything held inside come flooding out.) Pl-please have mer-cy!

My heart so deep inside blocked by the scars of the old wound, bloody beated again the reality; she in end was like me but the emotion in her eyes that she held was something I couldn't read. I moved back quickly and bowed for along in time forgiveness that I sincerely felt due to the old me lashing out inside my body that felt digested by the ugliness shown once more- to a girl who didn't know anything about yet me I showed her something so personal. What was that sparked this interest in such a girl, must less a foreigner? Why did I do such a thing to her? Why did I for a moment loved doing that to her? The cameraman already finished with the photos, explained to her the lies I gave him. She quickly got up still shock and barely managed to nod at him and ran out of the room. I felt almost the urge to grab her take off my mask and explain but then again she would probably hate me. I probably wouldn't have the said the right words to earn the forgiveness. But I didn't do such a thing I let her be; maybe someday I would tell her not until I figured out what was that emotion buried deep with her dark chocolate eyes.

Smoking the pipe dry while looking of the photos taken on the camera, he took them perfectly; the emotions rang out clearly yet without a word like a Noh play. I smiled in pleasure in achieving what I wanted; yet I wondered when will be the day when her smile will fade from her face in drowning tears that the admiration of me will fade knowing what kind of creature she took on as an idol. But in back traces of my mind I realized the wings I stole will in end soon rot away and take a new form like that buzzing fly I knew it would be; it was a time to change out of those old rusted wings of a moth; it was evitable they would have turned on their own yet I couldn't help but feed of what could be my last meal or who knows I may continue to feeding off of nectar of this yet un-blooming flower. I picked myself up to change and return to find the scattered ashes of the torn wings of the butterfly. Then in the bottomless pit of my stomach I knew something was different in the nectar and wings I stole from that maiden that would change me forever.

My heart was beating so fast, it practically busted within my body, I felt the very blood gushing from the hole, that was my mouth and the center of my chest; the air I breathed knocked out of me and there I looked into this stranger's eyes behind the slits of a mask gleaming so intensity with a mixture of lust and something else I could put my finger on. Who he was he had the same terrible power as Kyo except far greater in deep darken sadistic form like the Kyo in my nightmare hallucination; just who was he; practically playing with me, like a game of cat and mouse, a form of seduction I found myself losing in so heavy to! But how could I do such a thing with a stranger?! It was both like a dream and nightmare happening at once in the flesh instead of whatever my mind would create under the bent of such stress. His touch on my face, hands, and writs still felt the burning sensation across my skin, the warmth given to me by no other. The bitterness of the tea and sweetness of the ume (plum) shaped sweet still flooded the contours of my mouth like a stolen kiss ravished un-willfully by a forced tongue. I felt like I was having my soul devoured by the Kitsune demon, the type of mask that covered this man's face! I was almost what seemed like rape-he's looked so deep inside of my heart that I practically felt naked beneath his gaze! But he stopped the minute he saw my tears something inside what seemed like soulless man beated a heart from within and moved away just like he had moved forward. There was something about those eyes that seemed so familiar.

I closed my eyes, brushing my fallen tears remains away, but within my eyes closed I still saw this foxed masked man face; my heart for some reason was sent speeding away like as with Kyo-san and I tried to catch my breath but couldn't. I held my hands to my throat, and then toward my face. Memories of what happened so vivid yet faded by the dim light of the room. Something deep within the essences of the chambers of my soul yearned for it. Get a hold of yourself! Why do you feel pleasure, is your soul quenched as if whatever that rapist gave you was love, have are confused stupidly mad girl?! The the smile that was held by lips faded away- what did this man do to me?! Was I really desperate in feeling love that I've become insane? To think a sadistically cruel man could ever give such an emotion?! Suddenly the emotions fled away in disgusted and repulsiveness that I could have been a victim if the morality hadn't return into that man's body. It was then that I shaking removed the kimono. The weight of the kimono now lifted off my shoulder gave me a sense of freedom, yet as I fumbled with reassembling my outfit, my hands where still shaking. If I had know that my wings where torn and taken from me. I walked out of the dressing room to the desk to the women who ushered me to stop.

Girl: Are you sure you don't what the photos taken of you?

Kyoko: (I shook my head) I don't want them.

Girl: Are you unsatisfied with the photographs taken or the service?

Kyoko: (I shook my head) I decided not to have them but wearing the kimono was an unforgettable experience. (Thanks to the intrusive actions by the Noh masked model they hired. I ran out after paying and I didn't even bother to look at them.)

I ran out every single drop of energy in my body after such a range of swinging emotions so I decided to go to the sweets shop next even after eating one ume shaped sweet given to be by-ugh no I had to stop remembering otherwise I'll never forget it. So I texted Kyo-san my next location if he decided to ever to show up to the shop for this unless he was busy with band related things. Or either he was an extremely good hider.

While I was changing I heard the twinkling of store bell and the confused comments of the girl at the front desk at the refusal of Murakami-chan. I walked out and asked for the photos of her, the girl confused, and I told her that I may have made a tad bit too comfortable but it was unknown to that a model of her caliber didn't do types of things that normal models did. And while the girl was distracted by my falsehoods of interest and took the photos from under her stupid nose. I have no time for you I already my eyes set on another far greater then you. The cameraman also came out and commented on the performance between us I smiled and asked if I could buy the outfit I wore. It would cost me but I was willing to get myself closer again with such high risks yet without showing my face. He surprisingly excepted my offer after all I've been the music business enough to afford such costly piece of history I also asked the other outfit that was probably still retained her scent. But only the outermost layer I at least want her to move freely as if she had her wings still clung to her back. When I walked out the store I looked down at the list, she changed locations, to indulge herself in sweets as if to forget the pain like a child hurt from a mire simple wound. Didn't she know that she was an adult now? But amusingly I followed her into the sweets shop.

There stood my little butterfly, scrambling still trying to forget what had happened to her, yet her eye continued to dart toward the ume shaped sweet in front of the shop window. Yet she passed forcing the event from her thoughts again. Her sparkled and widened even more at the site of all the different sweets laid out wonderfully catching her attention. With that she couldn't no longer resist the temptation then a bear and a hive if honey. I watched and took photos of her hypnotic dance of spilling blood-she pointed for cherry blossom, wisteria, chrysanthemum, and other nature shaped sweets including in the shapes of the animals or objects-butterflies, cats, rabbits, she liked etc. but strictly avoided the fox shaped masked ones but in the end she gave into the nectar cravings and darted once more to the ume colored shaped sweet. The cashier rushed back and forth as well, trying his best to keep up with my soft feet maiden I couldn't help but laugh at her childlike innocence that captivated me. How could she still remain somewhat like a child yet have to embody herself in that a blossoming young women-whose naked skin was so tightly encased by her woven cocoon.

She sat down after paying and began to divide the sweets amongst the diving bags assorted with one kind of sweet-she gave one of everything except for the plum ones instead she kept them in her gentle hands. Yet she finally tired of wrestling with the bag she took one piece out and examined it in the light memorizing every single detailed engraved by the craftsmen. She drawn it to her nose and smell the raw caramelized sugar from natural ingredients and plant based coloring; as her bodily intuitions gave into years of indulgence she was about to it when she stopped with the sweet on her lips and slammed her hand down and put them away and instead grabbed a box of Pocky from her pocket. Had she practically torn through the box just to get to the simple tear able package-she munched about six all at once! I smiled never thought that watching someone eat, something I didn't like very much, could bring about such a thing and once she was done she made a pout on her face as if there nothing else to eat even if she was sitting at a candy store! I caught myself from laughing, why did I find that adorable?

She walked out quickly and looked at the time; it was already late for her to go train station to take a trip to the Wisteria Gardens. She messaged me for the last time to meet her at the photo print shop near the Kyoto Tower Hotel, in which we would be staying. I looked at the list again before darting for cover from her. It simply said "Orange Water". Instantly understood what she was referring to, the fruit substitution for the American Lemonade. It was something I mention in magazine interview years back and now a sweet tooth girl like her couldn't resist such sugary drinks. Maybe we would have enough time for it, as reward for being so compliant in the photos and to bear witness, patience, and victim to the ugliness of my nature.

I ran down the Kyoto streets trying to get to the photo shop in time before it closed; I knew I shouldn't have spent so much time looking at sweets in that shop or it could have been the kimono incident. But nonetheless I had to hurry, I slowly down for the my body cringed in pain from running past my limit; my world began to spin a bit, black blotched appeared in my vision, my head began to pulse, a slight nausea but after a few minutes of rest I went inside to have my photos developed.

They were ready in no time! And before I knew it I was walking out of the shop in a big envelope with all the photos taken up till now I was examining them as I went when I bumped into someone. I didn't look up right away do to an embarrassing extremely hot blush coming across my face that my ears burned as well; as I looked down I saw who ever I bumped into was masculine with a killer scene of style but for some reason they looked awfully familiar. My nose was so close it practically was touching this toned male figure, the smell was exactly line my dream-with a hit of tobacco! I jolted back, and there stood Kyo-san looking down at me in bewildered confusion. I turned away as to not look at him. But he said something I wasn't really paying attention to because I was so busy concentrating in how I managed to look like an idiot and on top of that I didn't even offered an apology! Kyo stepped in and out just liked I and the minute he stepped outside turned to face me again.

Kyoko: I-I'm sorry I didn't see you; I was just in such a rush to get back in time. (I am currently the lamest girl in giving excuses for running into a guy!) /

Kyo: No, it's okay. It's not like you hurt me for anything. You want to get something to drink you look a bit green. (Know it's time for to study in how she handles certain situations and for me to make sure I don't have my moves read.)

Kyoko: Sure, I could use some water. (Can the world swallow me now? Why do I always screw things up with people? But it's not like Kyo sees me in that light anyway. I have nothing to worry about, yet it seems kind of wrong in sending him to get me like a dog. One was for sure was that I had to keep my head clear before all the bad things that happened to me thus far won't come flooding back.)

Kyo: ^^; (She didn't stay silent like I thought. But nonetheless she doesn't seem to take me as anything else but an idol and coworker for story.)

We walked in silence with me trailing behind him with a large amount of space in between; Kyo definitely picked up in walking speed then normal circumstances but since we didn't want to be late in getting back to the hotel so that we could the show on the road of the live happening tonight. We seemed to going into a lot of short cuts and alleyways that I didn't remember seeing but it led to an old residential neighborhood of apartment complexes right near central Kyoto. He stopped on a certain corner of a street and asked an elderly couple for two water bottle filled lightly orange drink that looked almost peach flavored but when he came toward me and handed me one; once more our fingers brushed when I grabbed a hold of it; the minute I drank the drink out of the bottle the explosion of orange came running down my throat! "Orange water" that Kyo referred in one of his magazines was the very drink in my hands right now; I was in such a shock I almost dropped it but I didn't. I slowly sipped it as it after knowing what it was this drink was utterly delicious!

Elderly Man: It seems that cutely dressed girl has taken a liking to it. I bet she will crave it as much as you do when you come here for it.

Kyo: (nods and smiles at the couple kindly.)

Elderly Women: Is she your girlfriend?

Kyoko: O.o; (Cough. What me? NO! Nothing like that at all.)

Kyo: (Charming smiles at the elderly women.) No nothing of that sort, she an American author working on a special project me and a group of friends collaborating with.

Elderly Women: Oh dear my sorry you look very much like young girls around here! But I guess your skin tone gives you away doesn't but isn't there a new style going around? Mamba? Ganguro?

Kyoko: Gyaru…. (Even though I like some aspects of Gyaru near all of it was something I steered away from. But I've been confused for Kuro Gyaru and B-Style. Then realized I'm neither one of those things but something else completely.)

Ederly Women: That's it! You, young people, sure to do keep up with a lot of things!

Kyoko: Not really. ^^;;;;;;;;; I just happened to come across when trying to learn about something else. But I believe really have to go our time is of the essence! Thank you for your kindness and conversation. (Bows)

Kyo: (Bows) Thank you, I'll come again.

Elderly: ^^; Come back soon!

Once more I found myself chasing after, God he was so fast yet once more I felt my eyes falling in love with the rhythmical movements of his body. Why did everything he does seem to me as a work of art? We stopped running finally once more into the open space in front of the Kyoto Tower; the tour bus was nowhere to be seen now but as I checked my cell it was barely two o' clock. Kyo simple seemed untroubled by the vacancy of the transport vehicle and went on ahead to walk toward the hotel. I slowly followed I felt the need to draw less attention to myself then I had with the elderly couple which reminded me of the orange water in my hand; I drank along the way into the upper floors of building but not so much because I had so much to do the minute I got to my hotel room. Kyo, slipped into one room, which happened to be Kaoru's and walked further down the hall pass the other band mates' room. Kyo's room was right next to mine for the unlocked it before walked back one door and handed me my key. I felt nervous under his gaze as he watched me open the door to my room. It was very spacious, I could practically live here if it had all the other necessities needed; I guess it was makeup for bundling with Kyo that night but it not like it made a difference for the most part he wasn't even in the room. I saw all of my stuff was there and in order from the door way when I looked that Kyo was still standing next to me in silence and in thought. He noticed my eye on him and he handed one of the two envelopes he had in his hand-the other one could have been copies of a magazine shots. I took the enveloped but I didn't understand right away until I looked what was inside. They were pictures of me! But I couldn't believe what my eyes where seeing; this has to be a different person is girl in the photograph looks like a model going about her day unnoticed that she was on camera lens frame! Everything in the photo seemed flawless, nothing seemed out of place, yet the emotions in the still shots where speak so loud-did I really look that natural, calm, peaceful almost happy?

I looked back at him in disbelief, was he really that close to the whole time? What was he trying to capture in these photographs of me? He zoomed on places of me I didn't dare take a photo of myself! I really didn't see that the girl that seemed so happy to live the world she lived in was me!

Kyo: You where so interacted in capturing your own images you never realized that you too in your way have an interesting art form. You carry the essences of pure emotions that I never seen any girl express it in the way you do. You're not Japanese yet you really don't express your emotions verbally but your body movements and facial expressions give you away when you choose to. I try to take photos of you in being the person you are naturally under different circumstance; if I may continue to do so in the future. I want your honest opinions on each of them if I may when you have time. (And with that he left me alone and closed the door silently behind him.)

I closed the door behind me and slipped out the photos from mine stack taking out the cameraman's photographs and began to compare them and study them for a long time on the floor. I got up to grab a sticky note pad and write comment on each ones like he had asked but my mind still kept fighting itself in saying the girl in the photograph wasn't me. But a knock came at my door that sent me back consciousness of time. It was Kaoru, who happily came in, I made him take a set but he took a look at the photos of me on the floor and like the results of Kyo's first attempt and photograph his comment was very much the same.

Kaoru: You look really beautiful in each and everyone, there symbolical meaning that of your own and the ones Kyo's choose it looks an emotional dance like those of Gaiko but in modern terms. Leave to Kyo to find any reason to link something more of Kyoto then just a location; if there's one thing to remember about him is that he loves his hometown and takes much pride in it as well being a very strict in a way to tradition.

With that being said I put the photos aside and began to work with Kaoru-san on his chapter which took up most of the time before we had to leave again.

With that being said I put the photos aside and began to work with Kaoru-san on his chapter which took up most of the time before we had to leave again. Die-kun for once was silent as we all we grouped together again but I felt his eyes always on me in the same sense I was with Kyo. And just like in Osaka we crumpled ourselves in a traveling van toward the new concert venue but an old one to the members in sense they have been there many times, Kyoto KBS Hall. The excitement of being in Kyo's hometown finally hit me along with the sugar rush so I practically busted out of the van jumped pass both Kyo and the Lady personnel and landed hard on my feet on the pavement. Even if the shock waved sent into my legs but I didn't care I just wanted to feel the free afternoon air that Kyoto brought before I knew it my face was covered by my camera again. The guys stunning watched me work my magical dance as Die termed it as I snapped photos of the hall in way that was both refreshing and yet retrained the old memories that Kyoto's people strive to maintain.

Once more we went inside, the guys instantly went to the also set up stage, and once more I went to work in taking photos of them. As I took photos of them; Kyo seemed to glow with a strange radiance from his eyes as looked at me directly from time to time as I snapped photos of another private practice performance. He almost seemed stronger, as if something inside of him was revitalized more emotions flowed from his voice, face, and body; he seemed as if he ascending further into the darkness of the realm in which he would encase himself at lives striving higher to touch the every distance yet slow glowed light. The others seemed to feel this as well yet the play with the same passion and intensity to compliment Kyo. Like last time I got up on the stage snapped photos almost in the same fashion as in Osaka-jo but the feelings was different the others emotions seemed smother by Kyo's his suddenly grown so thick, my vision got a little blurry but I rubbed my eyes it was clear but then they grew foggy again. So I sat down while I took photos of the surrounding venue that would be filling up soon. Yet something was coming over me, I felt like I was asleep, my body was so numb, voice of the members seemed so far even if they were right in front of me; my tongue suddenly was renewed the taste of the plum shaped sweet that tasted both like deep purple plums and red sweet bean paste dipped in what could be sake or honey or some sort of drug?!

Cameraman: Murakami-san!

Kyoko: (His voice snapped me back into what could have been drug induced side effects.) Nani?

Cameraman: You look a little pale. Did you sleep well last night? (His camera was moved slightly from his face.)

Kyoko: (I shook my head in dismay; the feelings that I just experienced fled my body.) I'm fine really just tired from being up to early in trying to see this grand city on foot. But even so there so many things I can't see yet-

And with that I stood up again and looked at the guys down below spread about talking about the technicalities that needed to be fixed; I took of photos of them as they forgot that my eyes were on them all except for Kyo who happened to be staying next to me now on the stage. I felt him walk behind me, a shiver went down my spine in how I remembrance of the Kitsune demon coming behind me, my mind was suddenly filled with the memory and scenery that flooded everything out; once more I was in that time and place; my arms outstretched like the crucified Christ my hands in his filled with so much warmth the feeling of something so intense but along with the nakedness of my soul being so exposed by his blackening gaze. Through my referral vision I saw his face lower toward the nape of my neck and to the right side of my face his mask brushing my face sent my heart flying away somewhere I never knew it could fly. I wish he would stop making me feel this way yet at the time I didn't want it to end like a piece of my body would die even further into nothingness. Yet in this illusion my mind created the Kitsune had a voice like Kyo's so melodically smooth, enriching to my ears on the medium vocal vibrations, made my heart stop and breathing failed to reach my lungs.

Kyo: Tell me, lovers of sweets, you who have dark chocolate brown eyes, what do you see thru this lens right now?

Kyoko: (The illusion of my eyes faded away. Kyo's hands where on mine again like in the room, and his head was next to mine trying to catch my level of sight; his mouth just above my ear-heat instantly went to them it burned so bad I felt eyes were going to water but they didn't I held them back firmly. The hairs on my neck were standing yet even so I felt them move under Kyo's breathing. I cleared my extremely dry throat to answer him.) Egh-I don't know yet. I mean to say I can't remember now-

Kyo: (My impression on her earlier today is still strong emotional strong; she practically bent to my will as I was really was the Kitsune right now. As for her symptoms shown clearly that effects of the drug will soon have her sleeping soundly tonight. I looked again at the direction her wavering eyes were facing I couldn't read her I didn't see what she saw.)

Kyoko: (Then I looked again through the lens suddenly remembered what I was trying to capture. Kyo was still just standing there in my mind; I could still see him standing with his arms across his chest his eye looking at the balcony of seats above him suddenly his soft brown eyes floated on me in flaring warmth of concern at the sound of the words of the cameraman. So when my eyes darted away he must have come to my side.) There over there where you where standing…(I point with my finger, then I set the camera down on my neck, turned around got his arms level to mine, moved his fingers to the "l" shape to create a frame.) Now do you see?

Kyo: (I looked in area where my fingers and hands framed; it was where I once stood after talking with the sounds and light staff. It was the echoing conversation first begun by the cameraman that sparked my interesting in standing next to Murakami-san to see for myself to the impact of my earlier actions. But what is concerning me more right now is the interest sparked from the cameraman to Murakami; his face and hand gestures-the flattery commentary of her work though I still didn't see what he meant in the comment made toward both of us. He's voice was over flowing with emotions, crush now doubt, another thing to watch out for beside Daisuke, whose already having raised eyebrows as my sudden approach, for Kaoru I can't tell at this point of what forming here.)

Die: (Kyo isn't the type to make sure bold physical movements toward women in front of us much less emotional ones. What is going on between those two? Or was there something I didn't know about? Is my mind making this up? Am I really so jealous in seeing Murakami-san without another man, when I haven't even made a move at all towards her; or am I'm afraid to lose her to him even before I ever get a chance too?) O.o?

Kaoru: (Something clearly is brewing beneath the shadows here, Murakami-san was practically in shambles even if her often exposed demeanor is strong willed one; Kyo out of all people to move toward in such a manner-clearly he's seeing something within this women to have him pouching one her like the cat he is. Daisuke is probably already on high alert now, even if he hasn't made a proper move on her yet, and as for the cameraman is there even a space for him in all this? I wonder how all of this play out-Kyo what moved you, Murakami-san how is your heart fairing in all this turmoil; what are you going to do now that love seems to have taken interest; what happened out there today? Daisuke will you mature yourself soon enough before more of the cards at play flip over?)

Toshiya: (This interesting, why didn't I see it before?! Murakami-san is love with Kyo but doesn't move at all like she bound by her she endless doubts or possible another person, a lover perhaps, caught her attention or is just an exposed Queen; Kyo, a reigning bachelor prince-a knight fighting his own inner demons with a plan I don't even what to know but the results I was to see; Daisuke, a King over many women has finally found the one but is frozen at instant sight of the knight before him. And the ever so distant pawn…I wonder what the Bishop Kaoru thinks of this?)

Shinya: (Do you know see, Murakami your beauty has captivated all, emotions run thicker then blood now, whom will you choose in the end? What are your choices going to be and where they will lead you? Are you ready? For the time for you to move is now the time had run out-you need to change once more fly once more upon new wings. I pray for you and your heart.)

Manager: Okay everyone, thank you for all your hard working in getting the stage ready, but the show is soon going to get on the road!

With that being said everyone headed back to the inner back stages corridors and everything was in full swing again. Members exercising warm-ups, eating a quick dinner, or enclosed in a room. I have yet to find my place amongst them yet I've decided to talk with the make-up artists. They seemed to treat me as if nothing had happened last time. We talked of the season of summer, there was to be an approaching matsuri, festival, on my birthday, not that anyone knew it was going to be my birthday soon for me it didn't matter my real friends weren't here plus I didn't expect much from the guys because we weren't exactly on that level yet. It was going to be just an ordinary day on that day. Maybe I would Skype home it's been awhile since I told anyone in how I was doing. I laughed as the conversation suddenly turned meaningless to me; they asked if I was going to go to the masturi.

Kyoko: No, I don't have a kimono to wear anyway, plus kimonos are cylindrical in shape I don't think my body type match such a shape in the first place since I was absurdly skinny. Besides I hate going out on heat-haze days there bad for my skin and hair.

Make-Up Girl #1: I think you'll great in a summer kimono!

Make-Up Girl #2: It will be fun, a great experience for you during your stay here in Kyoto!

Make-Up Girl #1The guys are allowed the day off which means a whole day and night of fun!

Make-Up Girl #2: That's right! The day after that is the second show in Kyoto KBS Hall. What I think I remembered reading your author profile online isn't your birthday in the summer?

Make-Up Girl #1: (Takes out her cell phones types something.) Hold on a minute I'm pulling it right up now!

Kyoko: (Oh God, no please, don't make a scene and tell everyone my birthday is-) X.x;

Make-Up Girl #1: June, 8th; omg that's the day of the festival!

Guys: O.o; (Her birthday is one day away!) (All of them talking in inaudible whispers.)

Kaoru: We could all just give her one gift; she doesn't seem to happy about it being her birthday maybe she just wants to spend time alone by herself.

Shinya: Maybe she has hard time expressing her feelings like Kyo-san; we should all give her gifts-she's home sick, we should contact her friends first! But buying one day before is such a short notice!

Toshiya: Well she does like sweets! What else can get her? Ugh you're right Shinya we have to call her friends tonight!

Die: I can't believe I never asked for her birthday! Now I have to spend twice as much for my gifts just to make in time for her special day!

Kaoru: Where forgetting Kyo-san; maybe he wants to participate in this surprise birthday party for her.

Die: (If he really was that in to her he would know right now like us not being closed up in that room; so maybe I was wrong that there was something between him and my butterfly.) Somebody had to tell him…

Kaoru: I'll tell him, you guys get in contact with the manager about this. We'll have everything ready for this party by tomorrow morning! Now go! (I looked to see the manager giving me the sign that the break was over and the show was going in ten minutes.)

Kaoru came in to the room as I removed the wet towel over my head to keep my body cool and to remove the tired headache from getting up so early to be with Murakami. He cleared his throat and began to speak.

Kaoru: June 8th is Murakami-san birthday, she doesn't seem to ecstatic over celebrating but Shinya suggests she's home sick; even so we want to do something for since she worked so hard on the book plus she been keeping us so well with this life style. We're going to get in contact with her friends back in the states in trying figure what else she's likes. We're wondering if you're in on the surprise party.

Kyo: O.o; ?! (Her birthday…the matsuri…hmmm. If you think you've out run me Murakami-san your wrong; no escapes a demon not even a spiritual butterfly! I'll pay you another visit just because it's your special day and I know you're going to be lusting after my sweets after that night I'm planning for you.) Count me in but if it evolves in the in getting together at the matsuri don't expect me to come then too many people flood the streets of Kyoto.

Kaoru: Okay then and did anything happen between you to while you guys were out? (You're hiding something; I know it! That gleam in your eyes returned even if for a second; what is in Murakami that made you switch from Tooru to 'Kyo'.)

Kyo: Nothing, why? I just took photos of her in the way she asked them to be taken in secret. But there was something that happened at the Heian Kyo kimono photo shop but I didn't happened to see her carry those photos with her. I guess she didn't liked how she looked. She a very hard girl to read.

Kaoru: (And you as well. I guess only time will you reveal more of yourself and her as well. I have feelings she'll change far greater then you imagined. Then you'll come to regret your inner wearying self.) Alright then the live starts in five.

Kyo: (I nodded, Kaoru-I know what lies ahead of me and I'm prepared to the punishment of doing so. As long in end I will find out what lies beneath those layers in between her eyes.)

I cringed at their whispered conversation; I couldn't hear what they said. The girls stood beside me happily complementing on what to do for me on that day. A makeover they told me that even though I had some knowledge on makeup they still said I was hiding the maximum potential. Before you know it the where all over me saying things like "you hair should be done like this-it shall bring this out more" "put this shade of [whatever color it was I wasn't paying attention]." There smooth soft hands continued to touch at my face but I simply push them aside for Kyo's form came into view finally emerging from the depths of the quite room with Kaoru just ahead of him. He looks at me for a moment peering into my face directly something smothered appeared in his eyes but the cloudiness faded away. I stood up at the site of the other members standing up and waking over toward the Manager in a huddle. Once more they broke apart saying a screaming chant; I found myself getting used to walking behind them but this time along the cameraman who kept accidental brushing off my shoulder. He looked extremely nervous for some reason yet he would meet eyes with from time to time. I took the time to realize he was a very soft spoken man, very much like Kyo-san and Shinya-san and I never ending his passion for photography was very evident. I smiled a small smile for a moment I thought it was me who standing next to myself but why I didn't know.

At backing glance toward me and the cameraman; Kyo-san gave himself one more stretched before setting out on stage to another breath taking perform some how different since the one he gave at Osaka-jo; the energy I felt at the practice had returned in full maximum power it reverberated through every word, body movement, images that flickered distant behind the members yet it matched ever so strongly. Yet as I took my photos amongst the screaming fans that kept pushing but they noticed that I was a part of the staff made sure I didn't get my camera knocked out of my hands. I felt even though they where girls far closer to him, Kyo's lotus blooming hands that wriggled in the air amongst his heating body that dripped in prayer beads if sweat; I felt he was reaching out to someone far in the distance of the darkness, was it himself he reached a bit of peace with, enveloping the grand space and slowly the concert came to a close with symphonic track of one of their songs as to lull their fans a soft murmured farewell and to deep sleep once they reached their beds.

Once more I made my way through the bustling crowds, with the whispers of girls that rolled off in tendrils like the waves of the sea and like the clouds of smoke that dissipated away off the stage that now stood alone in the dims light and the people soon began to make their exit. A strange feeling came over me at the emotions left over on the stage; I slowly walked back up on to it laying the microphone stand down on over my legs and the mic. was held in one of my hands they still bleeding warmth into my hands. I looked up at the ceiling then down again at the crowds they were all gone-emptiness is what's left that is the emotion that remains like when lovers separate and the raging emotions even though they no longer bicker within the soul they whisper in memory of another war to come. I slowly lowered myself flat on the metal stand that Kyo stood also laid across at point during tonight's show suddenly the feelings of the drug came back hard that I lunged forward pulling myself completely. I sat there for awhile with my face in my hands trying to not to throw up my empty stomach, everything seemed to sway a little and blur out of focus. Though I stood up again and pretended that my body wasn't feeling it; yet my head throbbed in pain for not eating anything, my body suddenly grew cold I didn't even noticed that I made it into a chair before the symptoms seemed to worsen. With a simple touch of Kaoru's hand that held a plate on food on the other he smiled wearily at me and told me to eat. I suppose he noticed my suppressing illness yet Die-san looked at me unknowingly and talked to me softly about his part in the story that I would be discussing with him later. I said very little and eat whatever I could, it did help reduce the pain, but I suddenly felt very tired.

But by that time, I explained to Die-san that I shall say more once we get situated better over the information needed; not to mention the personal Lady came by again to say that it was time for the members to move back on the road towards the Kyoto Hotel. Quickly as the scenes of the pavement under the van's wheels under the street light's glow so did everything after that until I found myself in bed inside the large lavishing hotel room. Everything was quiet just like the back at the stage, and emptiness filled the room even thicker then; it was thick like the new strangely powerful emotions coming from within Kyo-san today that it made a veil over my eyes that soon feel heavy with sleep.


	5. Episode 5: Its My Birthday and

_Kyoko, my lovely butterfly, Kyoko…_

_Awaken my un-blossoming flower…_

_I feel your hunger, that emptiness in your bosom…_

_I can quench those cravings for that nectar you desire…_

_Kyoko, my lovely butterfly, Kyoko_

_Don't hide your petals from me, my un-blossoming flower…_

_I feel your emptiness, that loneness in your eyes…not even your tears can obscure it_

_Let me hold you again, let me warm you like the chrysalis that wraps around you_

_Let me give you that 'emotion' in which you desire to feel…_

_Please…I beg you, open those beautiful chocolate brown eyes…_

Those words echoed my mind, so profoundly, like the emotional weavers made in Kyo's vocal chords. The struck my heart the like string of a guitar; they rattled the chains that bound my body. Opening my eyes at the memories of that Kitsune came flooding back; I stood up with sweat beats on my forehead, even if the room was cool it was summer outside in Kyoto. My pounded in my chest like as I was running toward the emotional pleas in his voice; why was so suddenly attached to a complete stranger?! What had he done to me with that sweet?!

My throat burned in thirst and my lips dry like sand paper. I covered my face in my hands, it hurt slightly-I looked at the time, 10:00 A.M it was already late in the day for me to be asleep this late. I must like a horrible mess, "old toilet" is what would be the best description for the smell of my morning breath, and my hair was probably so frizzy that it must have looked like bird's nest lived in it, my eye must have been puffy from sleep but before I could move out of bed. Someone just simple busted through the door! And I immediately jumped in my bed and scurried under the covers like a little door mouse.

Kaoru: Baka! Your stupid act scared the living daylights out of her! What you do your doing bursting into a lady's room like that; have you miss your mother's lessons in how to treat a lady?

Die: I-I thought she was awake?! But even so I was kind of dying to see her yawn face, I bet it's cute! (Try to lift the blanket but get slapped in the hand by Shinya.)

Shinya: Good morning, Murakami-san; I see you're your in a indispensable state right now but I brought you a nice warm breakfast for you! ^/^;

Toshiya: Do you think she can see us behind the blanket? ^/^;

Kyoko: (I have ears you know, I don't have to see you, to know your there.) (cough) (Slowly I moved myself in a squatting position and wrapped the blanket around me and left opening for my face but it was obscured the overhang of the blanket.) Ohayo…

Die: Awe, you look like matryoshka (Russian Doll)!

Kyoko: (I was seriously run out of patience for him; he dares barging in my room. Flatters me with unnecessary comments. I'm not even mentally prepared to face my own self in this very body! And that dream with the Kitsune has left me wondering about so many things.) I know you guys mean well but could step out please I rather not have you guys see me like this.

Kaoru: Of course…(Glares at Die.)

Die: Itai! (It hurts!) (Kaoru pulled hard at my ear.)

Guys: (Following him out the door)

What am I going to do with Daisuke-san?! But there was no time to think of what to do, my birthday was here, and as expected people wanted me to celebrate it with me when all I wanted is to be left alone. I just didn't feel like celebrating my birthday because they weren't people I really knew that well it also reminded me too much of home that I missed dearly. Plus, I was used to be alone on my birthday but as Japanese are accustomed to gift giving was something deeply rooted in tradition; so I couldn't refuse their offering so I hurried got dressed. I straighten my hair, did a butterfly knot of the side of my head curling the ends of my loose hair and adored it with butterfly clips. I put on an urban gothic tank top from the brand of Sixh. Ibi it had a vibrant purple foil butterfly motif of the front but on the back a sliver wolf motif; the tank itself was black with star space scene as a back dropped. I wore Jiggy's Shop male jeans in the color of dust purple, wrapped the belts around my waist, a hanging wallet chain as well, my shoes where the same as yesterday creepers. I placed on my arms to cover my hand the matching arm warmers. I simply washed my face and teeth, lightly touched on makeup not so heavy I'd figured it was best not to put on much if they decided to drag me to the matsuri. I thought of the matsuri for a moment; I've never been to one to be exact the photos I could take would possibly be worthwhile and the sweets could also be just as good but would it be so wise? I closed my eyes to imagine the scene that I would have seen then there he stood the Kitsune holding out his hands clapping the sound like wooden blocks; the mask retained that fixed smile but I knew he was smiling beneath. I felt he was whispering the same words like the dream but different… "come and catch me-wingless girl."

I open them again it was just a vision faded away by the tapping of the door; it was one of the make-up girls. I looked down in dismay at the site of them but place a fake smile on my face offered them to wait in the bedroom for just a moment longer. They looked at my style for that day but I could read in their eyes that they dislike the masculinity of it. I placed a light cut sow jacket from Sixh Ibi that had slash cuts and zippers to reveal what was beneath. I sprayed a light spray of my usual perfume and finally left my image alone. It was then that the girls presented my gifts in honor of my birthday I thanked them graciously and honestly. They then offered an invitation to the matsuri, in a quest for love they said, and left me also a forced make over pension later on in the afternoon. I cringed at the fact of them touching me again with their hands. I called out in the hallway for the guys to return and went back in and station myself to the patio table in the balcony of my room. It was then the guys found me eating peacefully at the Kyoto's beautiful environment streaked out before like a scene in a traditional epic setting in feudal era martial arts movies, which I loved.

Kaoru: (coughed) Murakami-san, Happy Birthday, it's not too much since we have much to know about each other but I hope my feelings of gratitude and honor in meeting you and your cause if felt. (bows deeply)

Kyoko: (I took the gift from with both hands pausing in reference, said my thanks and took it setting it down on the table clear from food.)

Shinya: Your friends told me you loved animals, stuffed animals, so I though in giving this to you and as well as something else. (He handed me a Choco-panda wrapped with a purple beautiful bow around its neck! And other finely wrapped package I did the same to him as with Kaoru-san.)

Kyoko: ^/^; Kawaii desu ne! (Small smile)

Shinya: H-hai, kawaii desu ne! ^/^;;;;; (She smiled at least.)

Toshiya: My turn! (laughs) Well it wasn't so hard since your kind of a boy in a way but here's mine! (Hands me bundled gift also nicely wrapped.)

Kyoko: I'm not normal I suppose; but if it wasn't hard then I guess I'm glad for you then. I hate to be a bother. (Thanked in the same manner.)

Toshiya: No, now I know a lot more about that to your friends! They helped out a lot but your still a mystery!

Die: (cough) And as for me…(I spent so much on you, I hope it enough for you to say yes.) ^/^;;;;;;;

Kyoko: O.o? (He got down on both knees held up my gift, which we're a lot and a bouquet of roses.) T-thank you, you really shouldn't have. O/o;;;;;;;

Die: Will go out with me tonight?

Kyoko: (Fuck, uhm, well-I just couldn't say no; he looked as if he just proposed me?! Maybe I should be so hard on him it's not he's fault-it's my past that get in my way. Plus isn't like Kyo-san had feelings for me anyways- he didn't even shown up at all this morning as of yet. I guess spending time with Daisuke-san in the matsuri setting could help with his chapter part a little more in a different way then what I was doing already. Maybe he can help me forget this love that I feel for Kyo-san and possibly keep me save from this 'Kitsune' character.) I shall join you, all under the condition that I've been asked as well my the makeup artists and I'm quite sure the others would like to spend time with me on my birthday as well but I shall give you the alone time required. So is it a deal?

Die: (That's a way of saying yes?! I can't believe it, she said yes!) W ;! Thank you, I shall make it a night to remember!

Kaoru: What do you mean by that?!

Kyoko: Egh? (What did I just do? Sell my soul to the devil? No, wait hasn't that already been done?)

Die: Nothing…well at least I'm not sure yet… (I leave the room running thinking of all things I could do to impress her!)

Kaoru: We'll make sure he doesn't try to pull anything inappropriate. ^/^; (Daisuke, I'm so going to kill you if you screw this chance in getting to know her better!) I shall leave you now, I'm pretty sure he's going to do something stupid now! (leaves after him)

Toshiya: Ah, the other staff members shall be leaving gifts for you to! But I'm sure Kyo-san will pop up soon or later; he's busy again with whatever the things he does on his alone time. ^^; So bai for now and see you later tonight! (leaves)

Shinya: I believe there's a postman waiting for you…there's a lot of gifts for you from the United States and unlabeled one. It seems you're very popular! I shall leave you to eat then. Mata ne! (leaves)

Unlabeled package? Huh? I walked outside the door of my bedroom and saw the packages all stacked up like Shinya-san said. I grabbed them all in two trips. Before I knew they was a pile of unwrapped gifts of candy-chocolate mainly, stuff animals, stationary paper, fountains pens, clothing-that I liked, manga-other books, photos-from home, DVDs. Letters from my friends and family back at home, that I knew I would be reading later. Kaoru's gift was stationary paper, fountain pens; Shinya's was the Choco-Panda, and a nice sweater; Toshiya was manga and anime DVDs- volumes from series I was still needed to read! Daisuke was the roses, chocolates, Pocky (all the verities I remembered seeing-, a gyaru styled dress-that was too reveal for my tastes and a letter. A love letter-never actually got one before I simply treated it like everything else by putting in a pile.  
I kept going to opening the door to receive gifts from the staff managing Dir en grey while opening my families. I couldn't help but laugh at the thoughtfulness of each of my family and friends so far away. I liked especially my family's gift a moving picture frame with all the photos of me being successfully happy just before going to Japan. I almost cried but I didn't because I remembered that they wouldn't want me to be sad but happy on my birthday. So I went ahead and read all my letters and used the stationary paper given to me by Kaoru-san to write back letters to them and thank you notes for all the gifts I received that day. Before I knew it the sad was sinking in the sky. Then I noticed the manager came by again and said that Kyo-san was terribly sorry he couldn't by yet with this gift because of some important errands he was attending too but that none the less there in his hands was a gift. I took it graciously and when back inside.

I didn't feel nervous like I thought I would about receiving a gift from him nor did the emotions of having him nearby come to me either; which I didn't understand but I opened the package it was photograph computer program called photo shop. I smiled at the thoughtfulness for a minute I thought it was the cameraman's but his gift was also camera related but it was a cheaper but still great quality lens upgrade for my camera and photo paper.

That's when my eyes fell on the unlabeled package, for the life of me I couldn't remember that couldn't have sent me it. But it was wrapped in plain box but the further inside the plain box was a highly decorative box that matches the images inside temples of Kyoto. Something expensive was in it I knew it; it also smelled of incense of some sort but it wasn't religious. But I couldn't bring myself to open it, the experiences of that day kept flooding back to strongly the minute I touched the lid; I jumped back yet I remember what happened earlier so the more nervous I got so I pushed it aside and left to clean the mess. Amongst the cleaning I came back to the sweets I bought yesterday, I wanted to eat them but my eyes kept going back to the box. I felt like Pandora and then when she opened it the evils of the world flew out and attacked her. This battle between me and my curiosity was so strong that I feel asleep with the bag of plum sweets untouched on the patio table, letter all ready to be enveloped and mailed back, and the mysterious box in the corner. But then came a knocking at my door that left me jumpy again.

It was the make-up girls, fully dressed in summer kimono or vibrant shades of color, Japanese fans, and little pouch like bags hung on their wrists, and the make-up kits in the other. I crawled up immediately like cat being brushed the wrong way at the site of it; I knew I couldn't possible let them touch me!

Make-Up #1: We here to make you over!

Make-Up #2: Is true you going on a date with Andou-san? Lucky!

Kyoko: Egh, what, wait just a minute here I don't have a- O.o;!

Make-Up #1: Nonsense, don't you tell us you don't have a kimono!

Kyoko: Why not it's the truth?!

Make-Up #2: (Opens the mysterious box) Wow, look it's so kirei too!

She pulled out the long beautiful kimono, pretty as than the ones they wore; to be exact it was the kimono I wore with the Kitsune! The same deep purple kimono with lavender monarch butterflies with sliver threads flying in a mystical whimsy dance amongst the fabric and the obi was set in gold with ruby red higanbanas to match his outfit. I felt my hold world sway but I realized it wasn't the kimono I wore with Kitsune. There was a note and instantly recognized it as Die-san writing and not the Kitsune hadn't given it to me. But also the obi was shorter than the 7 meter obi that I had wrapped around my waist tied in an elaborate butterfly knot that was as high as my shoulder blades. Plus it didn't look really old but it was still a fine piece of art.

Kyoko: Fuck….

Make-Up Girl #1: As you were saying?

Kyoko: (Angry mumbles) I didn't know he gave me one; I didn't bother to open it.

Make-Up Girl #2: Well, we better get started afternoon is here and the night is still young.

So after being blind in not knowing how I looked like what felt likes hours it was only an hour and a half. I looked at the mirror and couldn't believe what they did to me! My face look exactly how it did with the Kitsune, every single feature defined except for with being covered in pure white make up. I felt like a stranger with all this make-up on my face yet I could still see me within it so in end this was me. Let my hair down and straightened it perfectly to make it more of a hime style feel even if my hair wasn't as long the wig I had on the last time but then they redid the ponytail and did a hairstyle similar to the ones I've seen in magazines with hair extensions having all the elaborate work. They placed plum and wisteria hairpins on the sides of my hair but none of the heavy elaborate head pieces like Chinese dynasty princesses that also adored my head in that moment with the Kitsune. After that they made the finishing touches on the kimono, making sure that everything was not out of place for me; I finally slipped my small feet into geta (wooden flip-flops) and its special socks, like Cindrella getting ready for the ball and stood there for a moment thinking about where or not to bring my camera-possible test out the new lens given to me. The girls finally put away their things, their gifts happened to the kananzashi, hair pins, and latest a perfume body spray of cherry blossom and plum blossom; which I sprayed delicately over my skin-wrists, neck, spraying just above my collar bone. I sneezed it was something that always happened when I sprayed new perfumes. I grabbed my camera with it travel bag, it seems very out of place, but I didn't care in end I never really felt ready. I felt stupid to believe that a stranger masked in a Kistune mask, a scared temple guardian, would have bothered to send an apology or for that matter try to find me again. I mean I was simple a foreign girl and nothing more! It was my birthday and that was that nothing really special never ever happened before anyway! With being said we walked out the door looking at my family photo before closing the door which I locked. We walked down the hall way in a soften clip clop sound by the carpet.

The girls told me why didn't I bring a purse? I almost busted out laughing but instead I held it in and replied rather lowly in tone, I didn't need one I hate purses to be quite frank, side bags were okay, but I really didn't see why I had to have one. But then question of the cell phone why would I need one if I was going to be surrounded by people who have them? I won't be wondering off to far, this isn't my home town, plus Japan is pretty general safe. It wasn't long before the ceremony at the same temple with the Kitsune guardian was over and the crowd began to disburse into the grounds and streets further away lined things with carnival like feel. Stalls filled with fun and games not to mention trinket shops. The noise was so much for me to take in people speaking in the Kansai dialect rolling off their tongues, children laughing, the sounds of geta running up and down, music of all kinds playing here and there, and shouting of workers trying to get more people crammed into their stalls. I saw a lot of couple about, I felt almost sick to my stomach, why was that? Is because I was alone, single, and for some reason un-loveable by men I cherished? I had a feeling that I wouldn't be seeing Kyo-san tonight that was to be expected, he disliked crowds so did I, but it didn't keep my heart from sinking just a little and even so here I was walking amongst people who would possibly never understand me fully not even myself. But it wasn't long before the others showed up. All of the dressed up finely in their five piece kimonos; their kimono wasn't as brightly colored as females just grey (Kaoru), navy blue (Toshiya) dark green (Shinya), dark red (Daisuke). I watched them walk closer, and once more my emotions didn't come, as if I was drained from them.

Die: (Out of times I've seen women in kimono; for some reason even if she's a foreigner, I think she looks even more beautiful in it. She wore the furisode kimono that I bought her, it was expensive to buy on short notice but with then help on her friends I was able to get her measurements. She looked more than ever looked like a Hina Doll yet something was off about her, not physically speaking even if she wasn't heavy endowed that didn't matter to me, but it seemed like her beautifully glass face was cracked broken by someone before me and a hole punched in as if some ripped out her heart. That was the only reason that could explain why a natural sweet person would act this way or unless there was someone else on her mind that is forbidden to her? Never the less I wanted to make this night special for her, to show her sincerely this time, I'm a changed man.) Good evening ladies. (Bows)

Make-Up Girls: (Blush and whispered "lucky" under their breaths and bowed.)

Kyoko: Yosh…(Bows awkwardly)

Die: O.o? ^/^; you looking really lovely. (Wow, she spoke in male dialect. She going to make it difficult for me isn't she.)

Kaoru: Tell me what do you think of the matsuri at first sight?

Kyoko: (I looked around me there was a vast black sky above me, the cicadas were chirping their well known song off in the distance, fire flies I knew where busy off in a distant prefecture, the soft glow of the paper lanterns hung off in washing lines, build boards and flapping store curtains stating the business the owners where so proud of.) Some many things to take in at once but there are certain things that I want to take pictures of.

Shinya: Well see all the attractions don't start till later I suppose we could let you take the photos first.

Toshiya: Hee hee you never stop working do you? (Placing a fan over his mouth before fanning himself.)

Daisuke: (Why must you always want to be by yourself, clearly when you're screaming silently for someone to come and love you?) Can I join you?

Kyoko: Sure…

And I looked away from them again this type looking for some sort of place to start. And without a word I started to walk slowly, dodging people as I went then started getting lost behind the lens. Daisuke kept his feet in stride with me, his eyes on me where a bit uncomfortable at first but he didn't say anything. I stopped from taking photos; my mind just stopped working for a minute- I didn't know what I was looking for anymore. Daisuke looked at me confused for a minute, until I explained what happened, he simply smiled and looked down at his hands.

Die: (I couldn't help but freeze at the site of her acknowledgement toward me and I hurried broke the silence with a question. My heart was pounding so hard, I couldn't breathe right, my hands where so sweaty. Nothing existed in the background except that she was alone with me but I felt she wasn't really there as if there was something else on her mind.) Do you like being by yourself all the time?

Kyoko: Hmmm….well it's something I'm used to as a kid. I don't like crowds much unless I have to. But there are times when loneness and silence kill you-even more so at night.

Die: Yes, there are times, where I feel like that myself. You're like Niimura-san in a lot of ways you know. (It's scary to think of it like that, that there is a person so much like him, but then again she's different in a way. Because females and males are different.)

Kyoko: (very light dry laugh) so I've heard so many times. But I don't think I'm like him at all not entirely because there are so many shades of grey about him. It's deadly waters to cross…(suddenly kids with Kitsune masks came running by us.) (I frowned at the site.)

Die: Is something the matter? (Does she dislike kids?)

Kyoko: I can't seem to remember, what was my inspiration was before, I lost it just now. Maybe if I looked around some more and eat something I can find something. (I was about to take my leave when he held me back barely grabbing the hold of my sleeve.)

Die: (Please don't go!) Wait, I-I just wanted to thank you, for taking the time to spend time with and I want to show you that I'm not the type of guy you think I am. I-I really like you, Murakami-san; I would like to know you more if you let me be your friend of course.

Kyoko: I'm not sure if I'm capable of opening my heart to men like that anymore but I shall try my best in doing so.

Die: (What do you mean by anymore? So there was someone before-but is there someone now? Tone of voice sounded truly sad and painful I couldn't resist in placing my hand on her face.) ^/^ (Your not so cold are you? There is warm beneath this skin.)

Kyoko: (flashback) O.o;! X.x;! (Not there! Not there! Not there! And I forced the image of the Kitsune that appeared so vividly in my mind to disappear. Yet my heart wouldn't stop pounding, or the hair on the back of my neck, and the cold sweat from my hands.) Please, don't touch me. If we're to be friends-males aren't allowed to touch for at least one to two years. (And I gentle grappled his wrist with my small hands that could even wrap around it and pushed his hand away.)

Die: ^/^; I'm terribly sorry I didn't mean to-I just…(Fuck, you had to Andou, screw it up after everything was going somewhat smoothly. But the look of her face was filled with fear and what could have been a blush? It was so hard to tell yet I thought for a moment she was almost lost in a time in love? But it was with someone different-just who was your past love? To have your warmth taken away so soon.)

Kyoko: (I turned away back toward the path that people where coming from further down the maze of lanes with stalls. All the while ignoring the comments made by the girls at my rejection of Andou. I didn't mean to be so cold, but this Kitsune has taken something from me far more valuable then I've imagined it to be-but what it was exactly I didn't know.)

We kept moving forward, I kept a little head distance ahead of Andou just to make sure whatever just happened wasn't repeated again. He kept quiet for most of the way, suddenly inspiration hit me again as large swarms of young people came across our paths; before I knew it I was taking photos left and right dodging people, getting lost behind this new lens that was pretty great I had to say when I realized I had lost Andou. But I couldn't remember hearing him calling my name, was it all of this noise? Or could have been Andou-san was ambushed by fan girls? It didn't matter if I turned around I couldn't see a glimpse of him with all these people in the way. I feel like a stupid dog lost in the rain for not bothering to have my cell phone with me! If I had known I would was to get lost?! Not knowing what time it was I slowly took more photos, hoping to actually catch a glimpse of Andou coming toward me from the crowds but he didn't. I grew tired of looking for him, with all these strange faces looking at me oddly, even a few people stopped to help me but they didn't see Andou-san. Fuck, I really did screw up big time. Suddenly as my world seem to get more depressing in such a gay setting I saw a stall with chocolate covered bananas, paper lantern stall and another mask stall, probably the stall where the children bought the masks, not so far away. I decided to eat something first, whenever I felt depressed or angry I would eat sweets hoping it would lighten up the situation.

I went over to chocolate covered banana vender; awkwardly depressed mood I order one of them-I wanted two but then again it would seem there was someone else with me which was lie; I had no one I was forever to be by myself. I took out what small amount of money I had from my obi and gave it to the owner. I walk slowly licking the chocolate that stained my fingers for some reason I didn't find it as sweet as I wanted it to be not sweet as that plum sweet but yet at least I didn't feel so sick if I didn't have more of it. I walked over to the paper lantern stall, suddenly I felt a strange familiar shadow walked by yet it moved to fast for me to see; I jolted from looking at the lanterns-Andou? I said aloud but I was responded with silence. I felt stupid did I really wish to Die-kun that bad again? So that in the end I would have to tolerate an embarrassing reunion and probably an embrace from him which I seriously didn't need. Though I do feel bad for making everyone worry about me. Yet then who was that person's shadow right now? It could haven't been Kyo-san yet if felt like him except denser in aura-I wonder if a man could carry such a dense aura. I looked back at my hand in which hovered over a purple butterfly lantern, I smiled at the ironic of it, and I took it for my own. It seemed that the shadow's figure went in the direction of the mask stall-possibly another buyer. I walked toward, unknowingly leaving my camera behind after taking photos to go to it.

The stall was aliened with masks of all sorts from Noh masks to Kabuki another form of Japanese theater- mainly gods and goddess, Gaiko masks as well, for the girls. But literally the main masks shown where animals of myths and legends. As looked at them I found myself hovering over the Kitsune mask and just as I was about to touch it; a black cat came purring happily between my legs. I tilted my head the same as the cat who looked back up at me starting at me with its yellow eyes; I bend down crouching low to pet it suddenly as I reached toward my chest I realized I left my camera back the lantern stand. Cursing myself I ran to get it, I could see where it was but since I couldn't run very well with the geta on my feet I stumbled dropping my sweet treat to the floor. But that cat that seemed to like me very much came running after me and caught hold of it by the stick and started to run off in the darkness. Kneeling on the ground my knees, I realized that cat would be endanger of getting sick if it ate it, so bolting toward my camera that I left through a rushed thank you I found myself cashing the black cat with the bell collar as it jingled away. I ran with all my might toward that cat, the people became nothing but blurs, the sounds just became a distant buzz, the cool night air was all that left, with the shadows of soft glow that the lantern that swung back and forth violently. Please wait cat, can't you see I can't run anymore! But it continued never the less and it darted toward the right into pitch black residential alley way suddenly the jiggling of its bell stop almost half through the wavering path that gently slopped down into another street up ahead.

I stopped to catch my breath, cursed that I lost it after all the trouble, and in end I was truly alone and lost like I wished fore but in the end I hate that very fact. In anger at me for getting lost without even realizing it cast the lantern in my hand and threw it. I couldn't believe I such an idiot my own disgusting self got me lost; I pounded angrily my fists into a wall before I could slam my knuckles into it; the lantern I dropped came back held onto by another person along with the sound of jiggling bells around the neck of a cat approached closer.

There under the mysterious purple glow of the lantern stood the Kitsune of my dream with it in his hands running down the pole smoothly and the cat rubbing against his legs. An altered voice echoed through the silence and that same voice frozen me instantously like his actions did before.

I grinned by teeth, I knew to flee from him, but I couldn't exactly run in the geta, zori socks where better off then bare feet but how could it be that he would find me here? Out of all the times I screwed myself over why did have to be with him?! If I run he'll probably catch up with me I'm not exactly a fast runner, hiding also wasn't an options since he clearly knew his way around Kyoto-all I knew I had crossed Rakuto into Rakuchu not to mention he had a my lantern. He stopped walked it was quite a little distance but it was still to close then what I had liked it to be. Still as I laid my full body backed against the wall, with over hanging roofs as cover from what seemed like light summer shower. June was the rainy season in Japan; he stood their silently starting at me with those eyes I couldn't see obscured in the shadows of the hollow eye sockets of the mask that covered his face. He wore a distinct kimono- his top was gold under layer, with a top black one, except his bottoms where different this time. It was tied high at the waist, with a distinctive bow knot only known to be done with the men; it had vertical stripes going down them in gold along the blackest of black fabric probably died in shop I couldn't recall the name of in one of the districts I just mentioned. The over coat like layer very similar to the black top kimono it was also black with a black fox outlined in silver, hiding in a field of chrysanthemums with its snot hidden under of the blossom with it jaws ready to open and swallow the amethyst colored swallowtail butterfly, which was resting peacefully, yet it didn't instead it let it dwell on top of its nose like nothing. His hands slipping down the length of the rod suddenly lowering the lantern on the ground, and it a flash like sword master taking his sword from its scabbard he took out a beautiful crimson Japanese umbrella opening it like a mire fan in a geiko's hands. He then lowered his hands down its rod, which was coated in water proof oil, protecting it and the lantern from the rain that suddenly which began to slightly rain harder then I said this. The cat was once under his legs then moved quickly toward the wall just like I did and licked at its paws. With that he stepped closer to me in a way steeping under the overhang to keep dry from the rain. And he leaned in against the wall as if nothing had happened and begun to speak to this time very directly and tone that almost sound excitedly playful.

Kitsune: (So my plan finally is set into motion, you literally fluttered to me, like I knew you would.) Why do seem so surprised? After all you called me didn't you?

Kyoko: (Say what?! Oh so now you're going blame me for running into you?! Actually that's how it went but-calling you?) W-what do you mean by call exactly. (I felt every single world shuttered out of my body that shook even if my body was cold now from the coolness increasing in the evening air but from the fear what this masked man could do to me now that I had no one to protect me must less bare witness!)

Kitsune: (Such a pity, such pity that she's already cowering before I can even touch her. I'll soon be changing that, I'll have her eating from my hand again maybe even lusting after me, if I play my cards right.) You really don't know, what kind of game your playing now do you, o'murasaki chou (little purple butterfly); you and I are forever linked now. Or did you forget so easily of me? I think not, I can see even from here that you haven't forgotten you practically embedded everything single memory including the sensory satisfaction of it all inside your mind but most of all your kokoro (heart, soul). Otherwise you won't have called me so easily-I felt you call to me practically ten times within a day's time. Never had I met an offering moral maiden, now celestial ever since you part taken from the forbidden fruit in which there is no going back I might add, call me that many times. I think you're the most interesting morsel, but I should say consort- since I've decided not eat your flesh, I've had in years of my life.

Kyoko: O.o-X.x?! N-n-na-ni desu ka-ah? (What on earth-am I playing a game like in Alice in Wonderland? I'm so clueless which is very bad right now-I've fallen into a deeper trap then what I can get out of! What I am I exactly to this man?! Did he just a call me 'morsel' and 'consort' in the same sentence? What do mean offered? 'Mortal made into celestial' did he mean because I ate that sweet he gave me last time or was it the tea? Interesting-does he mean physically attractive-me god almighty I've attracted a serial killer or rapist attracted to me! Or was it something else? Ah~! I'm so scared I'm going pee on myself right now; I can't even think much less breathe! He really does live up to the masked animal he wears! And to be honest I've really did embedded those memories, as for the sensory satisfaction, I possibly couldn't know for it was the first time I've ever let a man touch me that way; I felt bitter stinging tears glistening my eyes for truth he spoke was all so true. Why was I such an open book to him right now?!)

Kitsune: (Her lower head, almost like a dog left in the rain to be picked up by its master. I felt my wounded heart tissue move; the heart that stopped beating beated again. I knew her eyes where wavering back and forth in question of her own self forgetting my very presence. I instantly took my chance to have eat at her preciously delectable raw emotions. Before I knew I stood in front of her, towering over her by the tall geta I wore on my feet. I keep some distance between our body, indeed she was shivering from the cold-due her thinness; I placed my hand on her natural dark brown hair that looked black at this time of night it felt so soft like most women's hair was but her had a different texture not something I was used to but never the less familiar. I lifted her small framed face up toward me-something that never happened before in my life. Words never thought of as so quickly came spilling out of my mouth-words from heart only found in my lyrics came across my tongue onto my lips into her ears.) I feel your emptiness, that loneness in your eyes…not even your tears can obscure it.

Kyoko: (Those words are the words in my dream-but does that mean he thought of me too? What are you planning or is that you really see something in me? He lifted my face with his hands-the warmth from them filled my whole body yet at the same time their cool and refreshing like an Indian summer breeze to the heat my face brought on by the blush to find myself looking so deeply in his eyes again.)

Kitsune: (Her beautiful dark brown eyes glowed instantly drawn to my words like a magnet-she had a very rich taste-in artistic sense of course. I have yet to determine her other bodily tastes but I shoved my humanly instincts further inside my mind to think more clearly about her. I lowered my face into her neck, placing my hands on either side of her encaging her with my body-for I knew she wouldn't dare break it. And I began to explain myself to her.) Foolish chou- I can tell just by looking your eyes just now that you couldn't simple forget what I did to you; is because you never had been touched by a man like that? It's such a pity, since you're so beautiful that no even bother to trace the outline of your wigs. (I kept her in trance making sure she didn't fight back with bodily reinforcements. My left hand removed its self the wall onto her hand moving my fingers to open her clenched fists intertwining them squeezing them slightly again.) I know you're not going to answer me but maybe in time you will tell me your story. Your officially my consort in the means of the tea ceremony we shared you part took in that drink. If you're familiar in Japanese customs-the pair individual does this alone as well with both joining families. But since you're an offering to me by the world or filthy mortal society-since it seems you feel rejected by the world you live and plus your family is so far away. But even so it shall be done again if the following terms in which I shall explain at another location. Then again it seems you don't have much patience since you drank it with waiting for me to drink first; which means you have to follow by the rules and terms set by me. Which I think will make it much more exciting don't you think? (I pulled my head back to face her; her eyes ripped with emotions again and in remembrance of her actions.) Nevertheless we are consorts, in courtship terms, they can be broken through the proper means but it's going to quite difficult now since you seemed too hooked heavily to the marriage sweet. (It was then I took my left hand from hers onto her neck tracing my fingers along it up toward her chin tilting it further up to where it touched the rim of my mask looking down into her eyes. They ripped even more just like last time, dilated easier than before; my fingers went numb again by the adrenaline rushing through me again. I simply played my fingers across her lips again- oh how I wanted to have a sweet in my hands to feel the texture of her tongue again on my fingers. Her mouth gapped open in speech yet I held the urge to repeat the action I performed on her last time.)

Kyoko: (Oh God please, not again, he practically controlling me like a puppet master-I feel like a mere doll. Yet I couldn't believe my ears at the words first spoken into my ears they drown out even the rain. I was tricked so easily into diving a relation contract-my practically in a way married to this man! No, no, no-I don't want to be; ah~ the closeness of his body is not making this right; it's so hot now. Yet he's right I was impatient; did I really do such a thing? In a way I was rejected by the world and even at one point by my family that is why I fled to Japan to feel more like I belong here then there but also because of-no I should dare speak his name he's dead to me after so many years! But I only drank because I thought it was a simple tea ceremony not of something of that magnitude but he said it could be broken; yet there also the mistaken of eating that sweet which happened to got me more in trouble than anything else! Though it seems like he really is a deity to known I would fall for such a trap-like my obsession with sweets. Wait~! Ah~! No~ Stop! Don't start to touch me like that~ my thoughts were so jammed I could think a response to his question. My body is getting so hot I wish I could just dive into that rain! I wanted him to stop because I didn't want to go any further then what I was willing but my body kept telling my heart to just let go of doubts and fears of him and be consumed by demon. Why? Do you make me feel this way- I don't love you then must you make me lust after you? I can't even breathe normal as if Kyo-san was standing right here!) P-ple-a-se, don't make beg you again, to s-st-op…If I g-go with you to this l-location you sp-e-ak of and explain y-ou-rse-lf be-tter for me to understand. W-ill you then l-et me go and t-ake me back to my fr-iends? (I shuttered so bad at the end of my sentence from the coldness that returned to my body after his touch was removed and by the rain but also by the fear that grew even more.)

Kitsune: (I straighten myself, after the sting in my heart grew-at the ugliness of my nature, awaken my older former self still cowering inside me like this young women who retained almost the body of a girl.) Very well, but in the end I can't assure your request for it is you in the end will decide what you're going to do now that you understand your predicament. But as a reminder I am the master of this game and I decided the limits here-my words are proven true-you truly are an un-plucked flower but don't be frighten I don't intended on taking your virginity. (She cringed as if I placed a dead thing in front of her by the words that spoke out of my mouth.) Come and follow by your will-in the end it will be you who calls me to your side again; I have feeling you've fallen a lot harder then I imagined but then again all I ever did was steal your wings. Come flyless chou, I shall carry you by my tail in the mean time so you know that I do intend in keeping my promise in not taking your petals. (And that I picked up the cat and the lantern and left her the umbrella in the dark with her thoughts.)

I can't believe he said that what he just did?! What do mean? Why are you speaking so cryptic again? Wait~don't take my lantern! Before I knew I was running behind him again like Alice did with the white rabbit unknowingly she would fall down a hole and into another world-wonderland to be exactly which was exactly what happened to me this very night. I stumbled, staining the kimono given to me by Daisuke, and took up the umbrella and ran down the darkened alleyway. As I ran I felt like he slowed his fast pace in the rain that began to pour. The cat meowed at getting wet-ugh I couldn't let him get sick- so I ran even faster to catch up with the mesmerizing swinging lantern and its eerie purple glow. As I got closer, the light given off by the lantern revealed the back of the kimono he wore it was the back end of the fox and its beautiful fluffy tail holding a higanbana as an offering to the butterfly on the front almost a coaxing it with sweets or like a lover giving a gift to his beloved. Finally I caught up covering both him and the cat I kept my head low un-wanting to meet his eyes if he turned to face me. The cat happily took the chance to playing my birthday kanazashi meowing and purring at its newly found toy. The Kitsune instantly pulled the cat back from his shoulder toward the front of his body and set it down on the ground and it instantly came to walk by my side in silence. Then an opening from alleyway toward another intersecting street, where a rick saw driver next to his rick saw under an umbrella awaited us. I stopped with the cat curled up on my feet while the Kitsune talked with the driver and paid him handsomely.

Before I knew I was lifted gently into the rick saw with the Kitsune with the black cat curled up in my lap as the rick saw with its pullover hood covering us from the rain. And off into the Kyoto beginning summer night we drove off into a wonderland that was once Japan's ancient capital under the soft glow of a lantern.

Sudden the rick saw driver came to a stopped practically going west to end of the district of Rakuchu. I was suddenly confused as why he had stopped; was this as far he planned to take us? But then again I didn't exactly heard what he had spoken to him for the Kitsune switched to Kansai dialect, confirming to be he was native born of Kyoto. Then Kitsune instantly following his plan, that I assumed he was contemplating all day on, jumped practically over and out of the rick saw without causing it to shake; it was amazing how quite and light he was on his toes in those shoes! The cat happily leapt off my lap and took control of the warm seat left behind by the Kitsune. He left for awhile until I heard the sound of horse hoofs coming in the distance toward us and there in the darkness emerge the Kitsune on top of Japanese War Horse.

He's appearance slightly changed it had more rope belts with tassels and distinctive bells from Fukushimi Inari, the temple I visited the on the first day in Kyoto, that tied the new out kimono top of the highly decorative he already wore it was black as well and it bore the distinctive ancient Japanese kanji of a 11th century also known as the Kamakura Period; I've read countless history books, about as well as the family crest and unmistakable markings of the Myobu, celestial Kitsune, I've see only in manga inscribed in red gold which cause by the fusion of copper.

As for the stallion it was both magnificent to behold but I cowered since I've mounted a beast of this magnitude; it was a solid back with distinctive grey markings, I suppose the coloration of this Kitsune was black and grey. It was seven feet tall, weighting in about four hundred to six hundred pounds, with a voluminous mane and swishing tail. It had a cloth bind which was black with small multiple gold tassels like ends of the rim of the cloth on its forehead making it eyes to face the front to serve as European equivalent as blinders. On the brindle that was held tightly in it mouth was covered in the type of cloth that covered entire straps lead down the rest on the body. On either side of it mouth was one medium sizes tassels and down the straps where the same type of bells. Beyond that there was another piece that had a rope straps on the bottom with an amazing distinctive knot that I couldn't even began to describe ending with two tassels on each size a little bit smaller then the ones before it but on top arching over the back of the horse's neck was a decorative wood piece that was painted in black lacquer and trimmed and filled with the same design of the crest and family marks that kept repeating every where it could. Then over all that in the front was another of the same distinctive rope knot that held together the two medium sized tassels in the front down the sides of the bit in the horse's mouth that made its way around the other straps that hung down all the way to the top part of the settle's handle in which it was woven together and finished off like knitted string name bracelet but stronger and in a zigzag back and gold pattern. Under the settle with the connect foot rest was a piece of cloth that was colored grey with no markings at all followed by another one that hung down underneath in a sweeping crescent moon like curve tied together by two more of those distinctive knots of each side of the body of the horse. The cloth's shape was a trapezoid with tapered off sides in angels and rounded corners; it was bordered in a thick strip of gold with a unique wood like craving border on the inside line on the top two corner of the cloth had the family crest and the two larger circle emblems were the distinct forehead marks of Kyuubi no Kitsune of the prestigious Myobu status. And coming from underneath all that was another long straps this one came all the way from the mid-back of the horse to wrap itself firm to the breast of the great beast with multitudes of gold tassels, coast off the strains of woven silk threads just above the knees, along with the distinctive Shinto zigzagged pieces of paper, colored in grey, found in shrines made unto rope cloth form. And the same went for second long strap that arched up once in the same fashion as the lowest cloth of the main body of the horse followed by more tassels and Shinto zigzagged pieces of cloth and it arched around again on the rump of the animal wrapping around its tail.

The driver instantly fled to the Kitsune's side running to attend the beautiful horse, which snorted out hot exhales from its nostrils that where flared open and its feet pounded on the hard cement street in an oddly slowing dance in the distinctive clip clop sound of horseshoe and hoofs. The Kitsune whistled, mouthed noise and phrases to the horse commands to slowly back its way into the rails of the rick saw that laid on the ground. The horse's ears pricked up at the whistle and its head moves back and forth in a zigzag as the Kitsune maneuvered the reins of the horse and last the horse came to a complete stop. The cat instinctive wanted to play with the tassels that literally trailed the horse's body in a line but I caught it and made sure it behaved. The driver then letting go of the horses side bridle reins came rushing toward me in aiding me to dismount, when I clearly could have done it myself, but the driver took hold of my hand very lightly in touching it but made sure it was securely firm in case anything as if where harm could be done to me. The driver for some reason shook with fear won't dare to look at me in the face any longer, which was strange and immediately gave me space and began to help another quietly approaching swarm of men. I was stunned in how quickly the rick saw moved away back down the alleyway it came and was replaced by something just as stunning as the stallion! It was black lacquer painted carriage so decoratively covered in lacquered covered copper which was covered by thousands of sheets of gold leaf paper. The cravings of the wood and metal where like that of almost all of the great works of arts I've seen in all of Kyoto! It was practically a replica of Fukushimi Inari mikoshi (the portable miniature shrines under the Shinto religion which are taken out to be carried by the neighboring districts during matsuri for the people to have since of closeness to the deity and a sense of community; which was kind of iconic since the only reason why the take the mikoshi out was to give the people blessing in the old days from the diseases that would spread due to the rain. My birthday on top of that, the matsuri, and so many historical things connecting together leave to Kyoto to do such a thing. I wonder if I earned favor with them tonight. ) The men quickly and quietly pushed the cart closer to the horse to be lacked onto but the process would take a while since there was to be more strapped connected to the horse properly distribute the additional weight.

From what I could see from the peering inside the mikoshi looking carriage was it was only fitted for two people inside meaning this was a private. I turned around to have the Kitsune standing so close to me again with the umbrella opened hovering over our heads. I looked around to see that the men had all gone once more we were alone with a cat, which I let inside the carriage, and the horse that stood patiently for its master's call. He suddenly taking me by surprise by lean his body so close to mine our hips bones brushing beneath the layers of one hundred percent pure silk. My instantly body went ice cold numb as the shock went down my spine, not because he let the umbrella drop on his shoulder and to shield any viewers behind him in what was about to happen. Almost all of my body heat went surging down to the deepest parts of my being and to my small framed face. Deepest parts of my being practically pulsed with the sudden steady beat by masculine male contact that itself was driven by hormones. I felt my heart exploded with the beats of a taiko (drums). He quickly blew out the lantern, as well carelessly throwing the lantern inside the carriage scaring the cat. But even in the darkness, the situation between us didn't change, and the sounds of nature at night and my own body were louder then rain was falling just like before. He simple couldn't stop playing with me by the means of his body, truly was the words that described all Kitsune in myth and legend-malevolence! He pressed the space between our bodies even smaller to the point where my back was completely flush with the door of the carriage. _Doku boku boku, doku boku boku doku boku boku doku boku boku doku boku boku_, went the sounds of my speeding heart it was loud I couldn't think; I bet it was so loud that even the Kitsune himself could hear it! The blood rushing through my body was like an un-controllable fire that spread with untamable heat I swear I thought my kimono was going to burst into flames! I shift slightly, the crackling rustle of fabric, I felt so hot, tired so tired from the air that couldn't reach my lungs, that I didn't even bothered to look at him, defenseless above anything my body was nothing more than dead weight! He stood there silently contemplating his next move with hands clenched to the handles of the umbrella. Then once more he drew his masked covered face so near to my own that burn intense with the rise of my own body temperature. He mask's mouth opening just above my ear, which hurt in pain of the heat, this fixated blush on my face and body, if his hands were to touched my face it would be covered both in the mixture of rain and sweat. He whispered something so vibrating profound that penetrated right through the breast bone plate beneath my soaking skin.

Kitsune: (I held her firmly pinned down with my lower half of my body; pressingly very lightly with my hips and groin on top of her felt so exhilarating! It amazed me a foreign girl such as her with an average body beneath all the pieces of fabric that composed this kimono could make feel such a relentless wanton sensation each and every time I drew this close to her even without her even touching me much less by own free will. The tiniest gestures she made impaled my soul and drove my body insane it was so hard for me not to kept doing this to her the venom of the hebi (snake) that bite me long before she came into my live spews still it poison. This hebi purely driven of fleshy desires and pleasures left cursed pain upon my heart that somehow is removed by this wingless chou so fragile yet gentle as could be against me her soundless songs of her wings still plays inside her eyes calls out even stronger each time to be set free from something I couldn't understand. Even though I promised her, she couldn't understand how bewitched she could be as her song kept calling to me even stronger then before and the gentle fluttering dance of body was just too much for me to take each every time I watched her from afar. Didn't she know that a butterfly is to be held in the palm of the hand or on top of blossom slowly flapping its wings and not in glass case? Plus she was more than just a mere chou, she was enchanted chou possibly could turn into the first celestial chou spirit by the means of an oni (demon).) Now I know I promised you but for your own sake and as a reminder. My dear courtesan, and possibly bride of mine, you're now in part deity. Meaning you can't simple going about and act like the mere mortal you once were. Furthermore, since you are now tied to me in a very special way, other men aren't allowed to even gaze you in the face! Even if your dark chocolate brown eyes are intoxicating wanderers please restrain those eyes sole on me. Also in accordance to the Japanese mythology, Kitsune don't reveal their faces by the means of masks also no deity of any level would show its face to mere mortals; they have yet to please me tonight after this night is my matsuri alone. I expect you keep these same standards until we get to the location we've mention and work out the predicament you've impatience and selfishly landed yourself in and don't you dare say that it was me I'm only mirroring your desires that your soul is reflecting. It is better to leave the contract as if you never entered it, right? Understood, or should I satisfy your hunger even more? (But before she could answer properly, she needlessly moved to suddenly by her body so nervously tense her legs practically gave way. This poor girl was in shambles, there must have been someone before clearly; but to stable herself from falling she clenches so tightly to my kimono sleeves pushing further against me in the same fashion I did her except she slid down practically from groin unto my thighs in a grinning like motion as I stepped back trying to maintain us from falling. Heat soared even hotter through I instantly took full control of the situation before my poison hormones made my body weaker then what I needed it to be but it was too much for her fragile body to take, for any female virgin for that matter; her body twitched violently for a second for two releasing the tension from her muscles make her body more fluid again like before. I barely managed to stick my fingers in her mouth pressing down her tongue, and then slowly maneuvering my fingers in the hot cavern of her mouth slurring the whimpered fearful cry that in the end that gave way to her own hormones into a pleasure filled moan that managed to escape her shaken body not matter how small quieted she made it. I removed my moistened fingers slowly and reestablished the umbrella over our heads. She stand silence, practically didn't even move, I wondered if she was breathing or going to faint into seconds time but not she remained firm and strong until she got in the carriage by herself and turned away face from me embarrassed. I quickly closed the umbrella and dropped inside I knew she wanted to turn around in question in why I gave her back the umbrella clearly even though it was mine but she didn't though her body fletched in temptation. Truth be told I had a hard time in not stealing a kiss from her in this pouring rain that now fell; she didn't know how grand the unknowing and unwanted wanton bodily gesture from her stirred up the sleeping Kitsune inside me. The cold rain was what I needed to maintain me in check and remind me that there is so much ahead. I quickly remounted the stallion but before I gave the commands to move to the horse I stretched out my hand to the , the one that still tingled with the memories of the texture of her tongue and the inside of her cheek once covered in her saliva, washed it and imagined how sweet the taste of her mouth would have been if I had kissed her. Smiling at that thought, and that emotion that surged through eyes suddenly draining into her body, made my desire to know what this feeling we possibly mutually shared was; and with that that I hit the sides of the horse lightly with my heels and began to steal away this chou further into my domain and away from anyone who might wanted to steal her back into the realm of mortal from which she had come from but even if she was to go back I knew she would call out to me even stronger then before.)

The minute I heard the footstep of the Kitsune's geta walking further away could I finally breathe! The more words that came from further his mouth left me so confused-was he jealous? '_Even if your dark chocolate brown eyes are intoxicating wanderers please restrain those eyes solely on me.'_ Or better yet was he also secretly impatient and selfishly wanting me for himself? I didn't understand him at all, one minute he respect me and next he wants to violate me; which could have happened on the cold, wet, street in plain view yet he didn't he held himself back! It's like he's torn between loving me and lusting me? But how could anyone ever be in such infatuated way about me; I mean there was Andou-san but he's much worse if far more intense how is this all even possible if I never did anything for those men to be that way with me? As I held my hand to my face as I looked at the blurred environment that faded away as I ponder at what happen just now. '_Come and follow by your will-in the end it will be you who calls me to your side again.' 'I'm only mirroring your desires that your soul is reflecting.'_ That bastard he just toying with me and that's all he feels nothing for me just got tired of fucking with sluts probably-that shine in the darkest depths of his eyes shown a lot more now that I've spent more time with him and possibly the entire night. Yet I still couldn't understand why my body reacts stronger each and every time he does something like that was I really perverted girl bursting out of her closet? The uncontrollable body heat, my air ways getting so tightly, and my heart beating so hard, loud, and fast-it was in my throat practically! The way his touch numbed by skin like fire and ice actually the sensation of his fingers intertwining with my tongue and scrapping the insides of my cheek raw felt very much as if they were still there! The way his body felt again my own as I slide down on him accidentally felt so hard and pulsing with warmth. Did I really turn him on just by skidding down his thigh or was it his privates; the remembrance of his body sparked the same pulse like a heart down in the deepest depths of my being. I felt myself grow hot suddenly in the same fashion but very faintly and my body ached not from the tension earlier but as if was crying from being away from him. I was shocked by these thoughts I truly was acting like he said! He purposely gotten my body to wantoningly seeking him was this his true plan all along to get me so lost in the sin of lust so I would be easier to bed?

I closed my eyes yet the scene that happened between us remained so I open them again to find that the place he was taking me was past the Sandano bamboo groves in Arashiyama, the western most outskirts of Kyoto; even at night the brilliant shade of greens shone through by the hidden moon why the tallness of the trees. The paved road gave to a smooth sand one, the kind wasn't used by anyone for I saw no footsteps or bicycle marks like the ones used by tourists or natives. The soft crunch of the sand beneath the wheels of the carriage was the only sound that echoed through the soft wind that blew in from the windows otherwise the Kitsune and stallion remain silent. The cat happily was asleep in my lap purring me a lullaby that soothed my stirred up soul. I continued to look outside the vastness of the bamboo grove that faded away into massive forest of all sorts of types of trees-pine, oak, birch, maple, mahogany etc. Suddenly the relatively flat road started to incline as the small rolling hills gave way eventually into majestic purple mountains I saw in the distance. This 'location' must be so deep in the mountains of west Kyoto covered in the thickly dense clustered tress that hardly anyone at all knows of its existence. After watching the forests for what seem like an hour or so and watched the carriage being carried up the steep sloped paths that wrangles like a snake in the earth I caught a glimpse of what seemed like a lost castle in middle of mountain paradise!

The location was magnificent palace, a fusion of the wide spread of the Chinese but with the towering height of the Japanese; the palace stretched as several mountains-which made somewhat flat- far as I could with my head stuck out the window. An eerie moonlighted fog came rolling it coloring it amazing blue; I pulled my head back due to surge in coolness of the air. I looked up it seemed that the rain clouds was coming toward us-the clouds where black filled with large amounts of rain. I worried that the Kitsune wouldn't be able to hold through the extremes of nature after all even he said he was a deity I knew he was only human-and humans get sick. Suddenly the carriage began to surge forward at a faster pace, I guess the Kitsune noticed the ominous looking skies over head, commanded the horse into a fox trot; I looked outside the window again just a peek keeping my eye level flushed with the carriage's side. The tassels waved widely in the wind like a flag, as the horse's continued to speed toward the castle in a race again the oncoming rain, I looked up from the horse's thundering legs toward Kitsune was literally standing up while holding the reins of the horse looking dead ahead at the blurred mountain road. I pulled my head back, I decided to stop looking outside I didn't rather couldn't met eyes with that man again not just yet. I began to fall asleep if felt so much like a dream or a movie my emotions that flowed through my body left me exhausted. Suddenly a loud boom like a cannon ball shot out of a cannon woke me up and jolted the cat awake followed by flash of lighting then came the torrents of rain that blew inside violently by the winds that howled like wolves. I poked my head out again we were so close to the castle, my eyes squinted against the beating rain I could see the Kitsune holding firm to the reins the whiteness of his knuckles were visible, he managed to keep the stallion in check even though it was highly possible it was very much afraid. But to my surprise the horse's eye glowed in union with the lighting that flashed dancing in the sky like a dragons; making their way towards heavenly domain kingdom of the most powerful deities. Yet it wasn't long before we stopped in front of palaces walls.

The outer place gate had massive walls thick walls starting from the ground was stone basin. Grey slabs of stone handpicked my men who hauled them here; compacted the stones using their size and shape alone with the use of mortar to keep them together used through many of the grand castle build in Japan but the style of the walls where of a rustic beginning style of Shinto shrines. The walls that rose out from the rocks where tan timbered walls about ten planks high blocked from scaffolding barricade by wooden barricades made from timber so abundant with so many meters of forest we had to past to get here. The tiles of the roofs sloped down creating tiny multiple streams to flow down onto the ground; the outer bordering wall kept this universal line, that stretched as far as I could see against the mist and rain, before turning inward and bowed them themselves from the towering grandness of the main gate was where the carriage vertically parked itself. The main gate consisted of nine pine wooden _torri, _in a warm deep rich brown that can could only be rivaled the deep red brown of mahogany; the first one was the tallest of the _torri_ and contained two tiers unlike the other that only contained one. The other eight _torri_ ends continued to jut out half way before the sweeping high sloped roof of the main gate ends flushed themselves aligned to the straight line of the a jointing wall. The _torri_, even though where in made unpainted unlike the vermillion red painted _torri_ of Fukushimi Inari Shine, they where adored at the eves- the joints in which beams of wood met the ceiling-, in lacquered copper covered in gold leaf decoration that no less matches the carriage's as well at the foot of thick wooden posts. But as I stuck my head out of the carriage as to see why the Kitsune had stopped I found him to starting at the main gate's roof. It wasn't tiled like bordering castle wall, it was slightly thatched; the front part of the roof that title down toward us showing more of it flat surface but at the middle in bungled up like a hill. On top of the straight plane that dived the roof in half was covered in grey colored slate title was lattice cress cross pattern stretching and tapering up end to end of the main gate's roof. The seals of the Kyuubi no Kitsune Myobu's family crest and the distinctive mark belonging only to them as on the horse, were found in three small circles craved in the stone at top of this miniature shrine was perched onto that I had mistaken from as chrysanthemums which were craved next to it. But perched upon this naked untitled roof were two statues of guarding Kitsune! These foxy statues were where sterling grey to match the colored tiles blackened by the rain. The foxes where sitting with their backs facing us all the while their head where turned facing the opposing directions of East and West with the snots rising toward the blackening skies. Their size match the ones found at the Inari Shrine, with similar resemblance with a small blade clamped down on their jaws. But the only difference was the explicate detail craved into them that made them so life like! The tassels that hung on a rope at a hole fitted at the end of the blade each in the foxes mouth was an actually real and bellowed in the wind that picked up again bring in more misty blue fog. Their tails flowed smoothly off the roof down ward twisting and turning like a vine curling slightly at the ends gripping on swinging copper chains. The copper chains in turn held two deep dished copper basins filled with burning coal and incensed used only at shrines during matsuri services but what was astounding that it was the fire that colored the surrounding fog around us blue! From what I read in Japanese mythology was that the Kitsune's special abilities were control over fire its coloration was to match the Kitsune's own ability to create a small palm sized ball of blue flame as a light of guidance. Yet even though the light served as a guide to the Kitsune's own travel to get here then why didn't the gates open?

Then I couldn't believe what my eyes were seeing it was something so unexplainable it left me breathless, my heart speeding away like the horse's hoofs in the rain, just like this man's lustful touch! Truly a Kitsune's power is to be feared by all! The statues deeply craved eyes suddenly glowing brilliant pale ice blue with a deep sapphire blue at the center like the dancing flames in the wind, their bodies-yet unmoving tails, turned to face us in more of a side angle. The heads turn away from the skies, glancing down toward their master below on top of frightened stallion, who began to rear on its hide legs. The beautiful stallion cowered before the great stone beasts pounding its hooves into the moistened earth sending slashes of mud flying and neighing loudly yet its rider did nothing. The wind suddenly picked up and blew against the carriage, for a moment I thought the carriage was about to turn over with me in it, but it held firmly to the ground. The blue flames suddenly blew itself out, the statues turn once more to the previous position in silence, the fire was relit in a golden furnace and the massive pine wooden doors with blackened steel nails suddenly opened up for us from the inside. The Kitsune clicked his heels against the sides of the stallion who suddenly turned calm the instantly the wind came to blow out the flame. I realized the minute the carriage passed the ninth _torri_ he began to turn around to see if I was find and I snuck my head back in before he could. Did I just imagine it all, did the statues really move at all, did the horse really get frightened, the wind that could have knocked the carriage smashing into the ground?! Or was it an illusion created under the Kitsune's power after all I was entering his domain; it was more the likely an omen against trespassers who somehow managed to find their way up here. But even so it didn't stop my heart from racing in fear I just hoped the rest of this place wasn't like it otherwise I would get dead like countless mythological horror movies I like to watch. And the main gates doors slowly closed themselves with impounding slam.

The lone clip clopping sound of the horse's hoof resonated in the somewhat spacious pathway leading further into the Kitsune's domain and palace home; the walls I knew where hollow inside like in all places the timber planked walls would be plastered over to give off the smooth surface finish just like modern day sheet rock. With these plastered covered timber walls were small rounded corner square openings that served as windows for shooting arrows and bullets from whom they could kill any enemies that managed to muster enough courage beyond the main gate. Eventually the sounds of the horses' hoofs and the turning of the carriage wheels suddenly came to a gentle stop and as the walls fan themselves outward again to reveal the Kitsune's majestic introductory garden which was both large and small enough to be called a miniature forest gardens. I would discovery that Kitsune's palace layout was always a continue unity of manmade construction and nature in full harmony. The rain lighten itself even further but it was the clear that the ground was indeed drench in the rain for I could hear the crunching sink of wet sand against the soles of the Kitsune's _geta_ that came trotting toward my direction. I suddenly moved to face the door that would be opening to my right while straighten myself properly with the cat in my arms I waited for him to reappear. The fact that I had to have him so close to me again caused another flaring blush and heat retain my body once again; so when he opened the door dripping wet from the rain, I kept my face level to his obi tied waist on his kimono. He stood before me with his sleeves rustling in the gentle blowing wind now that the storm had surpassed us by while he reestablished the umbrella in protecting him from further rain. He extended his hand cautiously toward me, knowing there was a possibility I would reject his hand and not want to leave the safety of the carriage; I thought of rejecting his hand but then again he would probably dragging me out against my will, which probably bring even more embarrassing provocation emotions between us but if I went this far with him, he was my only way of getting back…back to my miserable life with only a talent of writing and dream that seemed impossible came true and love that would never come to fruit if wasn't for the rotting self that kept getting in the way. Another possibility was leaving me out here in the wilderness of the mountains to be eaten alive by other demons as he called it. So with an un-meeting gaze fixated on his body and a mere act of balance in getting down out of the carriage, with a swarming cat in my arms, I gentle lifted out and lightly place on the ground with a small space separating him and me under the illuminated glow of the full moon that bathed us together in deep crimson red.

I let the cat down to the ground, which disappeared into the expanding view of the Japanese carnivorous and deciduous trees that grew within the garden. He led me in the same direction as the cat, whose bell collar sang out against the soft sounds of pitter pattering rain against the umbrella and gentle lapping waves of the pond that was deeper within the garden hidden amongst the trees. To the walls fanned out eventually stopped by diving walls going through the expansive strip of land on the mountain was more similar buildings usually storage houses behind the high rising wall; which only met that entrance to this castle was nearby but as I turned in front of me toward the forest garden again these trees where extremely tall. I looked back from which we came, the path we just tread was slopping downward, which should make the trees height smaller but instead they seemed unusually tall not as tall as Sequoya trees though. I looked back at the stallion that was no unlatched from the cart and was now roaming freely came trotting toward me.

Kitsune: Animals seemed to take a quick liking you too.

Kyoko: I guess so, we always had some sort of animals nearby our house but I never had a pet of my own they were usually belonged to my sister.

With that beautiful black horse and its shimmering black and gold regalia in the moonlight nudged me with its nose in the direction we were headed and neighing a soft low call. I placed my hands on his muzzle feeling the hot exhales coming from its nostrils and gently caressed the horses' face. The Kitsune then said something to it in Kansai dialect making the horse depart from me. But I managed to catch its name Raiden, after the Japanese God of Thunder and Rain; though the departure was a reminder to me that time was of the essence here.

Once more we walked together down a stone path leading deeper and deeper in the forest which looked so astonishing so beautiful under the glow of the moon what seemed to retain that ghastly cold ice blue against the blackest night sky I've seen in a long time. Even if there was no fog in the somewhat warm forest, there was a sensation that ran through my blood still that the supernatural eeriness that happened before would soon be happened again as I entered deeper into the forest. The Kitsune said nothing but he for some reason began to hum a tune that was familiar it almost sounded like 'Rinkaku' from Dir en grey yet it was totally different. The trees that surrounded us where, oak, birch, ash, maple, but pine had the strongest of fragrances amongst the shrubs and moss covered rocks due to the rain. Animals that lived in the forest from what I could hear common insects of crickets, grasshoppers, and cicadas; the birds from what I could tell from the silhouettes were woodpeckers, nightingales, sparrows, finches, hawks and owls; the animals that were low on the ground were snakes, frogs, rabbits, quails and mice. But I could also roaming animals such Japanese deer, elk, moose, foxes, wolves howled in the distance of what seemed inside the forest was never ending. But eventually the path led us into a clearing; the trees surrounding us thinned around a crystal clear pond that was filled with marine life-koi fish in the colors of orange, red, black, and white swam in its pristine refreshing cool waters, that so alluring to drink from, other fish native to Japan more than likely swam closely in the bottom that I couldn't name. And the edge of the enormously sized pond held on its muddy bank flats were plants such as cat tails, reeds hiding catfish, turtles, frogs, crickets, and grasshoppers I heard earlier; roots of pine and willow trees dug deep to the soil stretched out its branches over the water along with other neighboring trees with moss covered rocks cramming in a place for themselves along the banks. Further down the path I notice gracefully arching over the pond's waters was a bridge. The path led to the bridge continued on the other side to which seemed to be a little more of trekking through the woods. The before the bridge was two grey stone lanterns like those found in Nara, it stood up on a cylindrical stone post on top was a hallowed out box of with four window pane windows without any glass on its side covered by as a stone roof similar to that of the main gate kindled with the same phantomlike blue flamed fire; there was two more at the other end of the bridge. The bridge, was simple it followed the same structure like most Japanese bridges, made of pine sanded down to the smoothest texture, as not to cause splitters to be trapped within the skin, treated with oil- that protected most Japanese wood works such as the umbrella besides commonly used lacquer- that brought out it unique shade of brown when wet by the rain but even so its soft grey color when dry is just as beautiful to me. We carried on crossing the bridge and eventually came out of the remainder of the woods nevertheless still in silence under the watching moon. But the path under are feet began to change again no longer was it a stone path; it suddenly became a path of stone steps unto more unforeseen territory of the Kitsune.

I proceeded with caution as I climbed the small steps, but even so my feet where smaller still, for strange reason I felt a pulse like a headache I never felt before pierce my skull. My hands instantly pulled up to bring of my nose but it when after a few moments; the Kitsune kept my balance steady with his hand rest on the upper part of my back but removed it the minute I began to ascend the steps again. But as I finished climbing the last stepping stone on the stair case what laid out before in full almost left me falling backward possibly to my death. There lay before me and my mortal eyes was the entrance to the Kitsune's den, the true main gate of the Kitsune's vast imperial palace. The main gate was constructed nine columns with four rows going back created the width of the structure. These pillars where made of maple-the smell of sap was intoxicating, painted in black lacquer with adjacent pieces of pile wood going across the pillars in vertical direction become beams of support; even if the these massive wide piece of maple lumber were support the twice the massive size and weight of the roof! The eves and the base of these pillars of wood were also high decorated with black lacquered cooper gold leafed metal works filled with higanbanas, chrysanthemums, sakura, plum, and even peach; other important factor was the respective family crest, Kyuubi no Kitsune facial markings all hammered in. Running down those pillars black lacquered wood were single fox tails, made of the same metal, wrapping themselves around going both up and down in alternative pattern; behind those pillars where nine doors eight out of those nine from what I could see where large single doors. The single doors where cover with evenly spaced dancing single tailed foxes illuminated by their guiding spheres of blue flame floating around their bodies; each of them handcrafted in the metal and painted so life like they literally looked as if they were coming of the doors and dancing on the lush lawn. The last remaining door, which was dead in the center, with four single doors on either side of it, was the grandest looking door of all. It was a double door the depiction on each half of the doors was two Kyuubi no Kitsune (Nine Tailed Fox). The nine tailed foxes where standing on all fours, their faces facing the diving line that ran down the center; the bodies facing toward us, with one front paw firmly on the ground while the opposite fox held the other remaining paw slightly lifted off the ground. Their massive tails flowed and fanned themselves out in the direction of their faces all in a background of high rising flames. The fox's mouths held not a small Inari blade like those in front but a katana clenched with their jaws fully exposed in a fierce grin with an angle that made a diagonal line running across the opposite direction of the tails toward the opposing ends of the door. The foxes were painted black but with long hairs of their manes on the chest and tips of its tails a smoky grey, their bodies where outlined in gold including the outline of their eyes which were colored is intensely golden brown that looked almost ablaze as the flaming background which they stood in painted in the vermillion red found all over Inari temple's _torri_ gates. The massive roof had two floors with it ends swooping up toward the sky unlike the first gate toward the moon that seem to have doubled in size! They both were covered in sterling black onyx stone tiles with their jutting ends facing us painted over with gold leaf with the wood works there below the under hang of the roofs in the same fashion. But was split by a balcony ending the first floor of the roof creating a Terrance just before for the second roof began to rise higher into the sky. But as the unlike the first the wood work under the second overhang of the roof had a carved stone onyx stone picture frame in the middle inscribing the name of the place. _Forgotten Inari. _

As I was immersed in the awe stroking beauty of the entrance to the fox's den the very Kitsune walked passed me down the paved cement walkway leading up to it. He stopped a little ahead of me with his hands gently placed on top of stone lanterns; we've seen at the bridge, except these where slightly bigger and aligned of the lines made by the path. I felt him smiling at me once I realized he was watching so in tune with the detail of his breathtaking home. I blushed at the thought of him watching with those golden brown eyes that seemed both gentle and fierce as the guarding nine tailed foxes; the minute I met his gaze since the entire time since we left the heart of Kyoto to its outskirts westward mountains my heart pounded again sending a flaming heart station in center and deepest part of my chest. In that split second, he outstretched his hand toward me again hesitantly I walked toward him but the minute I reached him my body finally passing flaming lantern on more the wind came just as strong like the first time at the mocking entrance. It came howling like foxes in sharp piercing cries of what sounded like joyous laughter I covered my ears at the loud sounds. The balls of ice cold flames inside that danced inside stone lanterns suddenly blew out plunging us into darkness but suddenly the blue flames reappeared in the golden colored bronze basins swinging on chains in between the pillars almost invisible in the darkness hidden amongst the eves of the wood work. The flaming blue fire then descended from the basins that swung wildly by spreading their ashes descending them against the single doors sparking the images of the guiding blue light into actually balls of fire. The balls of fire then gentle floated toward the lush lawn that was covered in a strange fog again began dancing; gently bobbing up and down staying in the places they hovered to; suddenly hidden amongst fog forming where actual fox spirits! They came in howling with the high pitched cries filled with happy laughter at their return master. Before I knew these black spiritual foxes with small grey marking manifested into solid flesh forms were dancing around us amongst the spheres of flames. The some foxes danced in the air in supernatural flight, some along the ground, the jumped, twirled their tails this way and that and walking with their head held high alongside us as we made it closer to the main doors of the gate. Most of them begged for their master's attention rubbing themselves all over his body, whimpering for a scratch behind the ears or to be petted on the head or body; he did with most them within his reach due their incredible speed wavering amongst each other. Some of the foxes in part took interest in me some of them rubbed their soft fur against my legs, the ones on the ground walking briskly to keep up with me licking at my hands, rubbed them foreheads against my palms, nibbled rather tugging at than hem of my sleeves and the one floated around my shoulder and head played with my kanazashi in hair, tickling my ears with their tongues and wet noses.

One of them who remained station with the Kitsune's laid against his broad shoulders wrapping its tail around his neck the tip moving slowly like hypnotized snake. It looked at me dead in the eyes I maintain gaze with sapphire blue eyes that held a pale blue flame and suddenly leaped into the air and landed on my shoulders cause me to stop completely. The fox placed it face near my face after starting at me until my heart beat began to nervously quivering in fear then it suddenly placed its head at my chest rubbing until it found a certain stop to listen to my bodily functions. Then it pointed its head upward toward the sky, brushing it forehead and snot under my jaw line with it ears twitching to any distinct sound. Whatever it was listening for it found it nevertheless quickly and rewarded my cooperation with lick to my face and quickly placed its feet on my shoulder and rested in the same fashion as it did with the Kitsune except its tailed tickled my exposed nose with ever so fluffy tail. The Kitsune, himself, had stop just under the roof turned around and awaited for me to catch up. He suddenly closed the fan, set it on the ground in which was taken away by one of the foxes who faded once more into spiritual form and disappeared with it. He remained crouch on the ground and as I got close enough the fox on my shoulders leapt off to attend its master; the Kitsune played with it for awhile scratched it behind the ears, rubbing its fur all the way down its back to the tip of his fluffy tail. His hand suddenly grabbed the fox's face, in response it lowered its ear completely flat, place its mask against its face and spoke to it in Kansai dialect after he finished whispering whatever it was to the fox. The fox howled as if it was a wolf towards the moon; the rest of the foxes suddenly then went back to their transparent forms gathering the spheres of blue flame with the tails and ran toward the single doors. With that being said the laughter of the foxes died and the art work on the doors that had faded away returned with foxes back in their places but the balls of fire still remained aglow like jewels unlike the stone lanterns and golden bronze basins that remained still above our heads. Only the sole fox remained, Kitsune stood up and moved aside granting me once more full view of those breath taking double doors, and I took a step forward closer to him the sole foxy quickly dissipated like others and ran straight through the double doors awaking another deadly truth about the nine tails on the surface of the doors.

The minute I try to touch the art work with my small hands to push the door open; I felt the heat from my hand melt away by the sheer fear that was unfolding before my eyes. The minutes the trail of glow set off blue flames came close to the double doors from both sides then suddenly blew out mysteriously like in the lanterns; the eyes of the nine tails glowed in a fiery golden brown. Slowly I found the nine tailed staring at me face to face with their bodies fully manifested into solid flesh like the others with the doors behind the bursting into actual vermillion colored flames that burned so fierce that I thought the whole wooden structure would turn to ash in the matter of seconds. Yet the fire didn't burn the structure it only illuminated even more its splendor. The nine tailed beats growled a mistrusting growl toward me, clenching even more so tightly on the blade in their mouths, but I could also see that their inside of their mouths were set aglow with a hot melt furnace flame at the back of their throats send out wisps of smoke puffing out from the gaps of space between their teeth. Their tails whipped back and forth making it hard for me to see if they were going to attack me. Practically thinking myself dead, I humbly fell to the ground bow so low I could smell the wet earth beneath the stone. Hot tears fell from my face at the face of being killed by these swords wielding beast; the great beasts didn't attack I lifted my face from the ground instead the sheathed their swords onto their backs. One of them licked away the tears of my face, whimpered ever so soft apology, I laughed because he wouldn't stop until I had a smile of my face. I turned to the Kitsune, as I gently pushed the fox's face away from me and began to stand up again to my full height that was diminished by standing next to tailed creature; he clapped his hand twice as if at a shrine. Suddenly the nine tailed foxes straighten themselves like as if the metal art work on the, their eyes glowed once more and the fire from the doors dissipated everything seemed the walk it was before until the tails of the foxes place themselves accordingly intertwining with each other unlike before. Suddenly the flames of golden bronze basins relit themselves mysteriously and along with the stone lanterns and soon everything was warm light by the golden brown flame. As I turned my face to the Kitsune's who stood so perfectly still listening to the crackles of the flames against the coals and sweet smell of intense burned against the light wind; some how deep inside my heart I wanted to see this man's eyes fixed on the glow of flames and see it mysterious intoxicating color which also made me wonder if he wanted to see him in the same fierily light. With that closing thought I turned toward the door that gently creaked opened yet as I took a step forward my body still badly shaken wobbled nonetheless brushing against his arm unwittingly yet my heart leaped at the thought of being reunited with his warmth again. As if the golden fire warmed something that gone blow out so long ago; he caught slightly off guard yet he re-stabled my footing taking my arm under his as to make sure I won't stumble again as we descended further into the slopped path with the doors closing behind us like before.

The space around us was spread open wide like yet still encased by high rising walls of carefully selected black onyx stone that lifted even higher the black painted plaster walls covering by vermillion red vertical straight lines panes that covered the multiple windows both to allow the inside of the palaces siding complexes to breath but also hides multiple openings in which defends could attack then enemy very much like Matsumoto castle. The side palace complexes rose about two levels with their gleam gold foil tiled stale roof raising toward the moon another two tiers. The path continued straight forwards toward two tier stair case was so wide making, the landing of the stairs at the middle and at the top, look like bridges going across due to the railing running horizontally in opposite direction away from the centered staircase. Even with the stair case so wide due to the landings it didn't go all the way in touching the side complexes that was done by narrow stairs ascending the stone walls of the complexes filled the gap between the main stair case to the extending palace on the sides. Hanging from the overhang of the golden tiles roofs hung red Chinese lanterns cause the red wood beneath to glow in removable a blood stain along the blackened walls lighting our way. The main source of light was multiple bronze concaving mirror basins that held the unspeakable golden brown flames largest in size I've seen yet; the basins stood on block that had a fox craved out. The fox sat down obediently with one of its front paw slightly lifted, its fluffy tail wrapped around its body at it feet, it beautiful craved face along with its body in the most rich detail made these statues life like. It face pointed toward the heavens in forty-five degree angle holding the basin of top perfectly balance of it forehead and snot. In its mouth still clenching tightly in its jaws like at the first gate was the same small blade found at Fukushimi Inari Shrine. But these foxes though resembling the ones at the first gate held the menacing power of the nine tails as the flames cast shadowing menace that filled their deeply craved eyes and crevasses between the razor sharp jaws glow fiercely with the same intensity as the flickering flames above. The main palace building stood before me, its foundation was wide as the mountain backdrop that barely peeked over the roof of this sky raising building. The main palace building held only one door way that was so small in comparison it looked very much like a hole, if I thought on it deeply it represented the actually entrance to the fox's den in this case the actually doors to his secret paradise, inside I expect no less to be stunningly beautiful. The main building was black painted plaster that kept immaculately clean surrounded with the familiar vermillion red panels, gold slate tiled roofs with its under hang eves decoyed in the Chinese style cravings of scenes depicting more of the marvelous gardens and it's inhabitance; they Chinese style of craving was also used along of the straight edged line on top of the room depicting dancing fox both single tails and nine tails with their glowing balls of fire; the building raised six stories into the air combing the Japanese styled formation of its magnificent tall towered palace with the longitude width of the Chinese. On either side of path on the second landing at the top of the stairs was two enormous crouching Kyuubi no Kitsune craved in the ebony glistening stone at slight thirty degree angle. Their front paws digging their nails deeply into the stone, the back legs angled them perfectly to launch themselves forward their destination projection was to sail clearly over the main gate wall. Their faces craved in a permanent sneering snarls, winkles clearly showing on their muzzles, lips pealed back with their fangs practically drooling slight a gapping open revealing a burning golden flames inside trapped with the stone craved mouths and endless depth in their eyes making the sparking flames like liquid golden ripping in riches layers. Their bodies throughout where craved in the most intensity as if there were anger dragons including their tails with which fanned out like oriental fans, the space in between slowly showing glimpses of the jewel building behind it, with the tips bathed in precious metal foil to reflect the flames burning which held in even more menacing appearance due to the faint gold crimson light casted by the Chinese lanterns. Unknowably I clenched in fear on the Kitsune's arm awaiting for these beasts to come alive but then didn't; instead I found the Kitsune's faced turned to me with held a expression I couldn't understand they were suddenly so distant-the reflection of the dancing flames seemed like darkling shadow spirits in beautiful brown eyes that glistened like gold dust in the light of the flames. Why must he be so much like Kyo; so laired in the shadows of mystery. He was like the very golden flames that danced around us so filled with warmth, so that it practically melting me exposing to my very essence; yet he was also like the sapphire flames so distant in that fact that hardly knew him at all. It was almost as if he was in pain of his own solitude, a bitter battle brew within at the constant torture of the ugliness between what seemed the emotions known as love and lust. It was in this moment under hangings of the moon I felt like I touched the vulnerability of his soul that shone through his intoxicating light brown eyes. I felt the minute he came out of his trance he would take his soothingly soft cool hands hold my face in his hands again; his fingers playing gentle across the feature of my face, his mask pressing against my face so that I would lose his intense gaze of lust filled passions. I created the images of this fantasy that he would remove his mask, allowing me to see his face but nonetheless would be covered in dark shadows captivating with a soul stealing kiss ravishing it with his tongue eating away at the delectable sweetness all the while imprint my body with his eyes yet.

As I blinked the images fell apart and scattered like the cooling embers that ascended the night sky in the gentle wind that cooled my suddenly burning cheeks caused by the heat generated from the fires. He started toward the entrance again, leaving me in even more wonder where his mind had gone in those few moments. In silence once more we ascended the heavens together toward the top of the staircase that led to his unmistaken den. I stopped walking by his side and eventually tearing away from his warmth like the embers of the fire just in front of the nine tailed fox statues from this new vantage point I could see the world around this very mountain. The mountain in which the main palace complex, so I thought, was small in comparison to the other majestic rolling mountains that surrounded it on all sides covered with pagoda towers and multiple building complexes scattered through the mountains rising high above the lush green forests and pale grey fog that thickly covered the forest obscuring more breathtaking forms of nature. The very mountain itself from this eagle eyed view show that the sides flowing past the high walls were also littered with building complexes, gardens, rivers, and possible wooden bridges and that of stone. I was suddenly taken aback after having what seemed like my soul flying high above the expansive acres of land spread about me by the Kitsune's hand taking my mine as if we where to do a waltz under the glow of the moon. I stared frozen in fear by the union of our hands, while he casually gesture toward the world rising above and below me.

Kitsune: All of this in which your eyes can see and can't see could be yours if you wish it to be.

I didn't know how to reply for it seemed that there was hit of loneness and pain in his voice even if he owned something so beautiful such has this. Yet there was so much I didn't understand as to why he choice me; it was like he was screaming something in language I couldn't understand just yet but the emotions where so clear that it torn at me. In that sense he was similar to me, being unheard and unnoticed by the world.

Kyoko: I can't tell you the answer…you must understand I can't be with someone I don't love. (I felt a sharp pain fill my heart; I knew how it was very well to be rejected but it was the pain staking truth. Yet somehow my heart me I was wrong in my answer but my mind was trying to convince it otherwise because I didn't really know if I could trust him enough for that matter because I couldn't even trust much less believe if I could love again or if he was capable of loving me. This man himself was not exactly very trusting either for his face has always been behind a mask hiding a part of himself that I was dying to know yet my gut kept telling me it would be painful truth lurking behind it yet my heart once again told me to look past it and give my soul away which was fooled by bodily desires. It was too that I turned away from the scenery.)

Kitsune: (Her eyes wavering back and forth more intensely like the last time recalling on things I didn't have the powers to see just yet. There was something else besides the obvious that prohibited her from letting that emotion I saw in her time after time to fully open soul to me. Something or someone rather left her filled with a staggering pain nonetheless leaving her untouched which leaves me puzzled me; even as my normal self she refused to answer any personal questions about her leaving her quite unknown to the band. But whatever it was, with the help of the deities that ruled Nippon for centuries and with unknown kind of priest to anyone except a few families with deity lineage would only know such as Emperor Hirohito. I walked toward the shadow filled doorway.) Come then…


End file.
